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Family Circus, 5/25/09

As several faithful readers have pointed out, this epic two-week “The Family Circus family sells off their household belongings in order to feed their litter of children” plot is a rerun from decades past, though I hadn’t seen it before. I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered it if I had, because I’m pretty sure this is the first time that I’ve seen some sexy interloper put the Keane’s rock-solid and extremely fecund marriage in jeopardy. I’d make some crack about “pole dancing,” but this blonde bombshell looks less like a stripper and more like some kind of pretty princess doll magically brought to life, which to my mind is much, much creepier.

Dick Tracy, 5/25/09

You know what separates Dick Tracy from your run-of-the-mill out-of-control cop who operates above the law and kills perps, suspected perps, and those standing in close proximity to suspected perps with impunity? It’s his philosophical turn of mind. For instance, if someone had asked me what did in the Queen of Diamonds, I’d have said that it was some combination of suffocation and massive third-degree burns all over her body after she fell into a smokestack. But Tracy is never satisfied with proximate causes, and is always looking for the deeper origins of events. I suppose that’s what makes him such a great detective — that and his propensity for violence and lack of a shred of human empathy.

By the way, I offer half-hearted kudos for linking that Queen of Diamonds plot to the current One-Eyed Jack storyline. I’m relieved to learn that, though the tendency for criminals to run around dressed as playing cards is rampant in the Dick Tracy universe, it appears to be limited to a single family.

Spider-Man, 5/25/09

I knew that the recent Wolverine flick didn’t perform at the box office as well as had been hoped, but does he really merit banishment to the Spider-Man newspaper strip? That seems like an extreme punishment.

Apartment 3-G, 5/25/09

“Wait, you want me to help you make a decision? Gary, don’t you know who I am? I’m Tommie Thompson! I don’t decide things; I just let events happen to me, then I whine about it. Here, I’m going to close my eyes until you’ve decided whether to move to Denver or not. Then I’m going to sigh endlessly.”

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Spider-Man, 5/24/09

So, what’s the most insultingly improbable thing that happens in today’s Spider-Man? Is it that Peter would have forgotten his epic battle with an electrically powered super-villain, which concluded only hours before? Is it that beautiful young movie star Mary Jane would just smile after accidentally being called by the name of her husband’s wizened old aunt? (At least it wasn’t during sex … this time.) No, more laughable than both of those is the idea that anyone, anywhere was moved by anything that happened in the Spider-Man newspaper strip to go through the trouble of writing a letter to anybody. Really, narration box, give us a little credit.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/24/09

Hootin’ Holler’s sole religious authority sure does a good job of opiating the inbred masses with his God talk. I suppose that makes them more likely to cough up the cash when he needs a new TV.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/24/09

June in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen. There’s nothing like terrible food poisoning to cut down on the crowds poolside, you know what I’m saying?

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Spider-Man, 5/24/09

Hey, remember how newspaper Spidey used to be married to Mary Jane, but then a enormous wall of text told us that he wasn’t anymore, because we had gone back in time to his single college days? Well, it’s not even six months later and apparently we’re done with that. This is fully in keeping with the overall milieu of the strip, in which anything can happen at any time because whatever.

I do note with some amusement Peter’s shock in panel two about getting married without gainful employment, since much of the “drama” of the pre-time-jump strip revolved around Peter whining endlessly about how his underemployment made him less of a man. I guess they got hitched even without him having a steady job, proving that the best way to overcome obstacles in this life is to lower your standards.

Mary Worth, 5/23/09

All this jawing is leading me to believe that this storyline will, against all odds, have a happy ending after all: Dr. Jeff’s adolescent crush, to whom he never dared reveal his feelings, has returned in the shape of the man’s handsome young son! Now, in a more enlightened age, their love can finally be expressed. As added bonuses, Mary will have her heart broken lose control of her current whipping boy, and Adrian will once again be permitted to chose her own romantic partner (which will ultimately lead to her kidneys being stolen and sold on the black market, but that’s a small price to pay).

9 Chickweed Lane and Apartment 3-G, 5/23/09

These two strips are stacked pretty much right on top of each other on my Chron page, so naturally my assumption upon reading them was that Gary was pregnant.