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Apartment 3-G, 12/23/08

Oh, Margo! I’m not sure who you’re trying convince. I think it’s pretty clear that you’ve already spent lots of time “exploring” your future husband’s “private domain.”

It’s obvious that I’m talking about Eric’s penis, right? Good.

Anyway, I’d like to say right now that when I finally get around to starting a band, our first album will be called This Isn’t Snooping It’s Serious Business. It will feature the hit single “My Future Husband’s Private Domain.”

Funky Winkerbean, 12/23/08

I tried — I really, really tried — to not think about the last few days (weeks? it seemed like forever) of Les freaking out about his teenage daughter’s budding sexuality as he assessed the sluttiness of her various potential Winterfest outfits. But now that he will apparently be watching her every move on the dance floor, watching with eagle eyes to determine just how far her or her date’s hands venture towards the Forbidden Zones, I feel like I can ignore it no longer.

Naturally, Les will justify his control freakery by reference to his beloved dead wife Lisa, whose sex parts were not under her father’s constant vigilance and who therefore had a baby as a teenager. This blast from his family’s past has led Les to the obvious conclusion — that all women are whores, and that their reproductive processes must, for their own good, be kept under strict control. Whee, this dance is going to be awesome!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/23/08

Sure, because if there’s one thing that helps toddlers sleep well at night, it’s the knowledge that they’re being looked down on by some terrifying grinning space-demon who can see their every move.

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Mark Trail, 12/22/08

The list of Incomprehensible Things That Happen In Mark Trail For No Earthly Reason That Anyone Could Fathom is, I admit, very, very long. And yet while I accept many of those things (the Jack Elrod sphere spouting dialog today, for instance) without question, I am having a hard time figuring out why the fact that his buggy’s carburetor has rusted has resulted in Pop resting with his head in Sue’s lap, unless this is all a ploy on his part to get her to do something about the fact that his “buggy’s” “carburetor” has “rusted.” Now that sexy Mark has appeared on the horizon, she will no doubt literally throw him aside, and he’ll flop face-first into the rapidly drying swamp.

(Something that just occurred to me: who is watching little Pamela while all this red-hot swamp action is going on? Is it … Sneaky the filthy raccoon? OH MY GOD SNEAKY OH MY GOD)

Mother Goose and Grimm, 12/22/08

Seeing that I griped a few days ago about the comics’ awkward attempts to grapple with the economic crisis, I suppose I’m now duty-bound to praise Mother Goose and Grimm’s depiction of the seasonal labor market, which ignores current economic conditions completely.

Apartment 3-G, 12/22/08

Reason To Love Margo #283: In mere hours of strip time, she’s gone from “Eric is an innocent man!” to “I am morally and professionally obligated to break into Eric’s apartment and remove incriminating evidence, then possibly use it later for blackmail purposes if he refuses to marry me!” Like the lady herself, Margo’s logic is so very seductive.

Herb and Jamaal, 12/22/08

Ha ha, Herb “molds himself” to Jamaal’s “deformities”!

Uh, I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean. Ha ha, Herb and Jamaal are going to have sex, on the down low!

Programming note! Tomorrow will be my last day of posting before my annual week-or-so-long Hanuchrismwaanza break, so I’m just going to postpone the comments of the week by a day.

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Apartment 3-G, 12/21/08

Of late, the Sunday Apartment 3-Gs have consisted entirely of recaps of what went down the preceding week. Today’s strip does advance the plot a tiny bit (and what more can we ask from a soap opera strip?) with Tommie’s final-panel thought balloon. You’ve probably never noticed Dr. Kelly’s handsome smile because you’ve never submitted to his workplace-based sexual advances before, Tommie.

The Tommie storyline on display here — Tommie was sort of seeing this guy and was kind of falling for him, but he’s been cold and distant lately, so she’s thinking about going out with some other dude — exemplifies exactly why Tommie doesn’t get more storylines. Margo’s vigorous second-panel scarf-wrapping contains more drama than Tommie’s last fifteen strip appearances combined.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/21/08

So apparently the Rex Morgan, M.D., cruise adventure is going to be some kind of comedy of socioeconomic manners, in which the anxious, striving middle classes (represented by the all-too-eager-to-please Second Officer Tomas) will, in the absence of the revolutionized proletariat, try and fail to cater to the whims of the upper crust (represented by pouty, disgusted June and comically put-upon Rex). Frankly, I liked it better when I thought it was going to be a gay porno.

Marvin, 12/21/08

Most horrifying thing to appear in a comic strip today: “Sorry I’m late. My date with the poodle took longer than I thought … if you know what I mean!” [exaggerated hip thrusts] This Christmas, remember to have your pets spayed or neutered, folks.