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Mary Worth, 11/4/08

Awwww, hell yeaaaah, kids! You know when your Mary Worth storyline has arrived? When you start seeing some motherfuckin’ thought balloons, that’s when! Presumably we’ll have days and days and days of Lynn’s cryptic, mopey internal monologue to enjoy. Is a doomed love affair responsible for her lackluster performance on ice? Was her heart wounded by her father, and will she join Vera Shields in the Mary Worth Pantheon Of Unsettling Women Who Talk About An Immediate Family Member In Terms That Seem More Appropriate To A Romantic Relationship? Or does Lynn, much like Jeff “Sackodog” “6-9” Ponczak, have a literal cardiac ailment, which could at any time kill her in mid-competition and leave her body to drop to the ice like a rhinestone-encrusted sack of potatoes?

Herb and Jamaal, 11/4/08

So if the jar labelled “sugar” is full of sugar, then the mug labelled “Herb” is full of … oh, dear lord.

Marmaduke, 11/4/08

“Also, there’s such a thing as being too casual about the dozens of human femurs you have mouldering in your terrifying death-shed.”

Psst! Thinking about posting a comment about today’s election? Please do so over here instead.

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No fuss, no muss, just the best of the comments:

“Spidey, relaxed on valium, awaits his colonoscopy. I’ve been there.” –Rusty

And the runners-up!

“Whatever happened to Mrs. Reeky Rat? Did she leave him all alone after one of his hateful swipes at her during one of his meth binges? Does this explain why Reeky is inexplicably wearing a magenta wig? Is it his own hair, or is it made from the hair of the former Mrs. Reeky Rat, as some bizarre way of remembering the only beautiful thing left in his sorry existence. Slylock really should have focused on this disturbing development, instead of fucking bunnies with no toes.” –misskittyfantastico

“Margo’s face in the third panel gives off the impression that she’s attempting to find a way to market these inner demons and make a good profit. Sadly, because this is A3G, the plot will either take two months or be mentioned exuberantly and then never brought up again.” –Aitherion

“Whether Margo is indignant, annoyed, or massively enraged, her hair always stays perfectly in place. Probably it’s afraid of her.” –Poteet

“Grief has many faces. Men in A3G have but one.” –Hogenmogen

“This [Marmaduke] panel raises an interesting question: Can dogs be put on the National Sex Offender Registry?” –Gold-Digging Nanny

“Why is Lois so happy? Is she drowning Ditto in the sink?” –lorne

“Crankshaft, original edition. Panel one: ‘There goes the geese flying south.’ Panel two: ‘My toxic nerve gas must already be pouring out of the sewers.'” –the crock

“So, as much as I can’t get behind the stilted txt spk of the gore ’em-bore ’em robots in DT, could they at least be comprehensibly inane? ‘Cld B Trbl?’ You take out the vowels, but leave in the silent consonants? This is why I hate artificial life and teenagers.” –Sissyphus

“Agh! Sound! My only weakness!” –Isaac

“At least I can relate to Spider-Man in this strip. Not only do I hate clock alarms as well, but if someone fired a clock-shaped gun at me, my first thought would not be the standard, ‘Oh sh*t, he’s shooting at me!’ but the more baffled ‘He fired a clock-shaped gun at me!’ then pause, looooong pause, ‘What an absolute douchebag.’” –teddytoad

“There was a previous Pluggers installment with the caption ‘Plugger happy hour’ showing a dog-man passed out on the couch with a book on his chest, so I imagine that Brookins wrote this one in response to a flood of letters from pluggers angry about the suggestion that they enjoy reading.” –Nyborg

“That perm on Ditto’s friend gets bigger in every panel. If this were a Sunday strip, the final panel would be nothing but hair.” –Jordan

“Wait … Tommie’s dating a lesbian Episcopal minister? When did this happen?” –jayjaybear

“Also, the police will never think of unmasking Spider-Man. Never. Why would they? They already know who he is: he’s Spider-Man. Duh.” –zadig

Also! So many came through swimmingly and hilariously in response to my demand for Taft/T. Roosevelt slash fiction. Picking a top one was deadly difficult; I am partial to this offering from Idols of Mud, mainly because he dared to imagine a Taft/Roosevelt/Wilson three-way in the aftermath of the hotly contested 1912 election.

Though the Teddy Roosevelt and Taft disagreed on many issues, I think it’s clear that they would think those who put some cash in my tip jar are “bully”! And Wilson’s Fourteen Points are strongly backed by all of our advertisers:

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Slylock Fox, 11/3/08

Oh, today’s Slylock is a cavalcade of delights. I love Shady’s early-20th-century finery, and the Fat Cats dressed in various period costumes — we’ve got Roaring ’20s Plutocrat Cat and Bespectacled Early ’60s Cat, along with a more contemporary counterpart. Plus there’s Shady’s framed “Inventor of the Year” certificate, which was obviously created in Print Shop. Mostly, though, I like Shady’s invention, which bears a suspicious resemblance to an always-cool pillow gadget I thought up in junior high, when I had even less engineering knowledge than I do now. If only I had had a pair of stripey pants, I could have gotten venture funding!

Mark Trail, 11/3/08

Sue, Charlie isn’t going to be able to leave you alone if you keep slamming the door into his chest. “Go home, Charlie! [SLAM] We’ll talk [SLAM] in the office [SLAM] tomorrow!” “Eargh, Sue, I think you just broke my sternum! Please stop! [SLAM] Aarrrrgggh….”

Meanwhile, Sneaky is heading out for his date with dog-drowning destiny. Realizing that he may need to be identified later, he pauses between panels two and three to put on his collar.

Spider-Man, 11/3/08

“We know who did it! It’s the guy who’s unconscious and immobilized at the scene of the crime, where the stolen goods are nowhere to be seen! God, I love being a cop! It’s so easy!”