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Gil Thorp, 11/7/08

At long last, the how of Matt the Hat and Jeff the ’Czak’s crackpot Jeff-killing scheme has been revealed, and it actually makes a shred more sense than one might have expected from this strip. Now all we’re missing is the why, though this being Gil Thorp we’re obviously never going to get it. If Jeff didn’t know that his heart was a ticking time bomb of death before he went to the doctor, then this is just the most pointlessly “wacky” high school dude prank in recorded history. And if he did know, then how did he know? Did he spend the entire summer eating mayonnaise out of the jar with a spoon and just sort of draw the obvious conclusion? Or did he literally feel his heart begin to die inside his chest one day? The latter possibility would at least explain why he’s so damn melancholy.

Dick Tracy, 11/7/08

There’s been an insanely long and interminable buildup in Dick Tracy as we were introduced to these two titanic metal men on a collision course, but at last they’ve met and we get to see what we’ve been waiting for all this time: robots insulting each other like fifth graders, using txt spk. Whee!

Apartment 3-G, 11/7/08

“My heart is racing with anticipation”? Tommie, with that sort of wooden, sub-par thought ballooning, it’s no wonder that you never get any panel time, and that your boyfriend and the other guy who was trying to be your boyfriend are secretly having a sex affair.

Psst! There is a great deal of invigorating talk about the recent election right over here.

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Cleats, 11/6/08

This is Cleats! I almost never talk about it, except when it becomes a scene of nightmarish horror; but, seeing as it’s ostensibly a good-natured, light-hearted look at the world of youth athletics, that happens more than you’d think. Anyhoo, Edith there is a slightly bookish young lady who enjoys goaltending and fencing. She has terrifying, inhuman mouth-parts that she uses to feed on soccer balls, and rotting flesh.

Pluggers, 11/6/08

You know you’re an impoverished plugger when you live in an apartment so tiny that your can barely fit your legs between your TV stand and your chair, which is just as well seeing as you can’t afford any other furniture. Also, you know you’re an impoverished plugger when you’d like to eat your cat, but you can’t move quickly enough to catch him because you’re weak and keep fainting, because of the hunger. At least this poor bastard hasn’t had to resort to the ultimate plugger indignity: hocking his television.

Mark Trail, 11/6/08

“Raccoons like to wander a lot … around in nature! That’s because they’re wild animals! They don’t care a whit about you, or your family! You’re lucky Sneaky managed to ‘sneak’ out, or else he probably would have ‘snuck’ into your room at night and bit you on the face, for no reason!”

Also, I challenge you all to use the phrase “That will make it easier to chain to a log” in casual conversation today.

Shoe, 11/6/08

“Also, I’m old and dying! So the future can pretty much bite me, you know what I’m saying?”

Psst! If you’re interested in discussing the election, this would be a good place to do it.

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Spider-Man, 11/5/08

After a contentious election season, can we not come together as one people and agree that Spider-Man is hilarious? Our crack police duo, having solved this caper from the moment they arrived on the scene, raise their voice slightly for backup while the web-crawler lurches off at medium speed in a direction that does not appear to be towards the exits. As Spidey wrestles with those “nutty handcuffs,” one is also invited to contemplate how many lovely antique timepieces Big Time could have purchased legitimately, had he chosen to market this ultrahard yet malleable metal for the variety of industrial uses that might suggest themselves to anyone who thinks about it for more than thirty seconds.

Apartment 3-G, 11/5/08

So, after much comical drug use and a little light murder on the part of her boyfriend, Lu Ann has made good on her months-old promise to decamp to South Dakota (nickname: “The Baja Peace Garden State”), which leads Margo and Ruby to engage in awkward banter that seems to hint that Lu Ann is involved in some kind of contract dispute with the strip’s producers.

Anyway, Lu Ann’s absence ought by rights to provide the perfect opportunity for Apartment 3-G to provide us with a little Tommie time, but naturally that won’t happen because she’s boring even by soap opera comic standards. Hopefully, then, we’ll get to see fill-in roommate Ruby working in the wedding planning business that Margo so cavalierly abandoned when Eric conned her into running his art gallery. Extra bonus points if some discreet questioning of clients on Margo’s part reveals that Ruby’s simple, no-fuss steadiness is a marked contrast to Margo’s comical incompetence, which discovery would naturally lead to Ruby’s immediate dismissal.

(Side note: “a little Tommie time” is what Gary calls it when he gets to second base with Tommie.)

Crock, 11/5/08

Grossie and her friend have just seen Ing, a heart-breaking romance between two gerunds. At first, their love moved forward progressively, but they were eventually torn apart when they couldn’t agree whether their relationship should be governed by a possessive or objective pronoun.

Psst! Still ecstatic/outraged over the election? Chat about it here!