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Mary Worth, 8/29/08

DEAR BELOVED,

GREETINGS! MY NAME IS ELEANOR PATTERSON, THE WIDOW OF JOSEPH PATTERSON, LATE CANADIAN MINISTER OF TRANSPORT, INFRASTRUCTURE AND COMMUNITIES. I HAVE ELECTED TO WRITE TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE OF GOOD HEART. PLEASE DO NOT BETRAY MY TRUST, EH?

BEFORE MY HUSBAND PASSED TO BE WITH GOD, HE WAS IN RECIPIENT OF OVER $1.2 MILLION CANADIAN OF FUNDS FOR THE NATIONAL RAILROAD CORPOROTIAN. WE ARE IN NEED TO HAVE THIS MONEY IN AN ACCOUNT IN OUR NAME IN THE UNITED STATES. IF YOU WOULD ALLOW US TO HOLD OUR FUNDS IN YOUR ACCOUNT TEMPORARILY, WE WOULD BE MOST GRACIOUSLY HAPPY AND WOULD ALLOW YOU TO KEEP 10 PERCENT FOR YOUR TROUBLE.

MY NEW SON-IN-LAW IS AN ACCOUNTANT AND WILL MAKE ALL THE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS. WE HAVE ALREADY USED A NUMBER OF DONATED SERVICES FOR THE WEDDING TO LAUNDER SOME OF THIS MONEY, BUT THERE IS STILL MUCH MORE TO MAKE LEGAL. IF YOU ARE WILLING TO HELP US IN THIS ENDEVOUR, PLEASE SEND YOUR NAME, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER TO ANTHONY CAINE, C/O GORDO’S WORLD O’ CARS AND CINNAMON BUNS, MILLBOROUGH, ONTARIO, 83Z YT2. PLEASE DO THIS QUICKLY AND WE WILL THROW IN SOME TIM HORTONS TIMBITS.

GO WITH GOD
ELLIE

Apartment 3-G, 8/29/08

What are we to make of Lu Ann’s two-timing? She has always struck me as too naive and open-hearted to cheat, but maybe she’s also too dumb to even realize what cheating is. “Alan, you don’t understand! Jack was just using his tongue to make sure I didn’t have any cavities in my molars. It’s so much more fun than going to the regular dentist!”

I love that Margo even sasses in her thought balloons. It’s good to keep in practice. I don’t for a minute buy the idea that sunshine could restore her spirits, however. I see her as the type who, when confronted with God’s honest daylight, hisses and covers her face with her hand, then scurries away into the nearest bar.

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Spider-Man, 8/28/08

Ah, the Spider-Man newspaper strip at its best: Peter Parker bursts into Jonah’s office full of righteous anger, only to have it quickly devolve into panic that his wife is a better photographer than he is and worry that his boss will find out he caught a minor and easily communicable ailment from him. The thought balloon in panel two promises a particularly delicious downward self-esteem spiral on Peter’s part in the coming weeks.

Mark Trail, 8/28/08

Those rocks may be too heavy to be wedged out by long sticks, but they’re surely no match for MARK’S FISTS!

Mary Worth, 8/28/08

“I don’t get it! I never use my card, except when I buy things!”

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You may have noticed for the past few days that I’ve been posting comics very early in the morning, only a few hours after they go live on the Houston Chronicle site. It was almost as if I were somewhere in the Pacific Time Zone, where these comics were available at 10 p.m. It was almost as if I were in San Diego, spending time — oh, I don’t know, maybe making fun of a Spider-Man movie with Mystery Science Theater 3000 alums Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy!

If you’re not familiar with RiffTrax, you’d better get familiar with it, right now! RiffTrax is a project in the spirit of MST3K. It makes a clever end run around the issues of film licensing: you download the hilarious commentary on MP3, and then rent the DVD and watch them together. And on September 5, for a mere $2.99, you’ll be able to listen to one with me!

It will probably not shock you to learn that I’m a huge Mystery Science Theater fan, and that the show really influenced my writing. In terms of living out childhood dreams, probably the only thing that could have topped this would be getting to serve on the U.S.S. Enterprise with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. It was an honor, and it was a blast! Movie Spidey gets into a slightly greater number of tussles with supervillains than newspaper comic strip Spidey, but if anything he whines and mopes even more. I’ll let you all know when the MP3 is up!