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Beetle Bailey, 8/27/08

Focus groups conducted by Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC determined that last Wednesday’s strip, which contrasted General Halftrack’s lecherous fantasies about his comely secretary against the more staid reality for comic effect, greatly reduced the strip’s effectiveness among one of its key demographics — namely, lonely perverts who like to imagine having sex with Miss Buxley. So this one’s for you, sickos! Look, she’s exhausted because she spends her evenings taking Ecstasy and participating in orgies with other hot cartoon ladies and one dude who looks exactly like you. Are you happy now? Huh?

Gasoline Alley, 8/27/08

Speaking of cartooning sex appeal, Gasoline Alley has decided that its previous attempts to titillate were just too subtle. So enjoy some cartoon ass-crack from this once-proud franchise, everybody!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/27/08

Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D., provides us with not one but two smashingly entertaining examples of classic Rex dickishness. First he feigns ignorance so as to imply that his elderly patient might be working on some kind of sex doll to keep her company in her lonely old age; then, after passive-aggressively getting her to admit that she needs his help on the boat, he cheekily wishes her luck and tells her that something will come along to solve her problem. Well played, sir!

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Apartment 3-G, 8/26/08

Wait a minute — who is this mousy, bespectacled woman, and what have they done with Sam? Damn it, I’m perfectly comfortable with the idea that Margo is such an awful, terrifying, and desperately sexy boss that she leaves a trail of emotionally shattered personal assistants in her wake, but I at least would have liked to see the quitting scene, full of recrimination and tears and cold, cruel laughter.

I apparently didn’t feature her in any of the strips in my archives, but this woman actually looks an awful lot like one of the cowed servants of the sinister Mr. Eldon, who held Margo captive in his sweatshop in the famous “More zippers, mule!” storyline. I’d like to think that, once she had a few years to get over that whole enslavement thing, she and Eldon got together for a productive talk about management techniques.

Blondie, 8/26/08

Hey, everybody! Did you enjoy the past two weeks of Dagwood sitting in front of the TV and making lame, nonspecific jokes about the Olympics that were obviously written weeks in advance? Then you’re going to love the next two weeks of Dagwood sitting in front of the TV and making lame, nonspecific jokes about the political conventions that were obviously written weeks in advance!

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Hi all! As usual for a Monday night COTW post, you’ve got some random stuff to sit through, some of it Anthony-Elizabeth related, ’cause I know you’re all into that! First off, those of you who are the young kids of today and who use the Facebook or whatever might be interested in two Facebook “pieces of flair,” created by faithful reader Holy Prepuce. Show your Facebook friends what you think of Elizabeth’s new groom, here and here!

Also, faithful reader Dan sent me this pic and note:

In honor of the Patterson-Caine wedding, I snapped this photo of a local (Cranston, RI) hair salon that happens (?) to have the same name as the soon-to-be-newlyweds. I’ve never been inside the salon, so I can’t confirm whether they offer mustache grooming services.

Also! In non-foob news, faithful reader Joe sends me this photo and associated missive:

I got two tickets to the Philadelphia folk festival from a friend with the only stipulation being I wear my Fist O’ Justice shirt and send you a picture of me in it at the Folk Fest.

Joe, you have held up your end of the bargain, so here is the pic! You earned those tickets good!

And now, the comment of the week you’ve all been waiting for:

“Toby’s internal monologue about doing what one needs to has inspired the artist in me! Now I’m off to create a bowel movement.” –Mooncattie

Funny yet disgusting, which as you know is what we like around here. Also funny (and in some cases disgusting) are the runners up!

“Considering where the words and pictures land in that thought balloon (and considering their thoroughly effed-up marital dynamic), I’m willing to believe that Toby is actually imagining Ian offering that complimentary paragraph on his own behalf — probably because he actually said it at some point. While not wearing a shirt.” –ChargeMan

“Oh, crap, Ian is Toby’s HUSBAND?!? I’ve only been half paying attention to this storyline and assumed he was a senile uncle or perhaps an old man she sees at the bus stop occasionally and feels sorry for. Thank God this is Mary Worth or this union might have actually been consummated!” –Joe Blevins

“What the hell is she talking about — ‘Life is short?’ She’s a character in Rex Morgan. Every day takes a minimum of three months. She got to Rex’s office early, and has been there maybe an hour, and that’s taken at least a week.” –AMC

“I’m seeing patients again. Oh, and I’m also into hair dye and stealing clothes from Deion Sanders.” –Darkefang

“Ruby’s hair bow is from The Dick Van Dyke Show’s Rosemarie Collection, size XXL. Earrings by the Home Depot garden center.” –Annon

“I’m still not sure what happened in Gil Thorp. Did he film ninety minutes of countryside? Is the boredom of a bus ride supposed to be a deterrent to playing minor league ball? Is Coach so antiquated that he is unaware of boredom canceling technology like iPods, DVD players, books, and sleeping?” –WillieO

“I love the expression on Jimmy’s face in Panel 1 of Gil Thorp. ‘Two DVDs from Elmer marked “Kalamazoo Bound.” LET’S GRIND IT UP AND SNORT IT!'” –survivor

“I expected ‘Kalamazoo Bound’ to be Elmer’s first attempt at adult erotic cinematography. ‘Hey, Jimmy, here’s a hitchhiker we picked up just outside of Lansing! How d’ya like that rope work?'” –Harold

“If anyone in BGSS were going to be playing an instrument, it’d be a gutbucket, wouldn’t it? Is that squeezed like a bunch of elongated nipples? No, really, I want to know. I played the bassoon, so I haven’t a clue about what hillbillies play. I’m elite like Barack Obama.” –Oddball Cargo

“Also, I do not truly believe that Elizabeth has been ‘giddy,’ ever, in her entire life. That would involve too much unclenching. And ‘tired,’ seriously? Is she practicing for the wedding night?” –goldamarlin

“By the way, I think Grandpa Jim is faking it. Boxcars, that man’s got the right idea. I predict Uncle Phil and several others will follow his lead and soon be having sudden ‘attacks’ and ‘flare-ups,’ excusing themselves from this ritualistic eye poison.” –PeteMoss

“Seriously though, WTF? Teal carnations don’t exist in nature for a reason, y’know.” –The Sparrow

“There have been a lot of clues that Ted Forth is a Comics Curmudgeon reader. But I’d have to say his underemployment has been the big tip-off.” –Edgy DC

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