Post Content

Mary Worth, 8/3/08

Have any of the poor saps trapped in the bleak hell that is Mary Worth ever been set up for a fall as transparently as poor Toby has been over the past few days? I might feel a little pity for whatever identity theft drama that’s going to befall her as a result of handing out her credit card to whatever sort of greaseballs request it, if she weren’t so damn smug in her thought balloons. “Oooh, look at me, I understand that cash values in the modern economy can be treated as abstractions rather than amounts of actual, physical currency! I know how to look up things on Ian’s Enormoushop.com wish list! I’m the greatest wife — and greatest human being — in history!”

Speaking of smug, whatever ludicrous fraud-based hijinks go down over the next few weeks or months will at least feature Toby’s husband, which gets a big thumbs up from me. It’s been far, far too long since we’ve gotten to enjoy his bloviating chinbearded antics.

Family Circus, 8/3/08

Well, Billy, if the car “broke down” near the mall, your parents would have a harder time convincing the police that all of you were “accidentally” “eaten by coyotes.”

Funky Winkerbean, 8/3/08

Looks like another perpetually morose character is unable to stop thinking about his body’s early decay and eventual death, and is spreading the obsessive gloom to his still emotionally healthy daughter! Or, as we call it in Funky Winkerbean, “Sunday.”

Post Content

Family Circus, 8/2/08

OK, congratulations Bil, or Jeff, or Jeffy, or Billy age 7, or Glen, or whatever combination of blurred notional and actual people, past and present, I’m supposed to accept as the perpetrator of this comic: you have officially baffled me. After long contemplation, I finally realized what this damn thing is supposed to mean: Pastor Brown is rehearsing his sermon just before he goes out to start the service, ha ha. But my mind took some terrible turns to get there. Did his vision of Christ-like meekness and humility involve hiding from his congregation lest his position of leadership at the pulpit give rise to the sin of pride? Had he attempted to revive the ascetic practices of the early Christians, causing his legs to wither from the years he spent sitting atop a pillar? In the end, I was forced to spend valuable brain energy on this pointless play on words. Pastor Brown may offer you forgiveness, but I won’t.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/2/08

“Ha ha, another underfunded government agency’s going to be on the receiving end of a frivolous lawsuit! Luckily, neither of us work for them, and you won’t catch my daughter going to some hellhole of a public school, so we don’t have to care! Good luck with that, losers! I sure hope one of your employees has enough copious free time to stalk your way out of the predicament.”

Marmaduke, 8/2/08

This would be a good opportunity for one of my usual cheap “Marmaduke eats humans” gags, but in fact it seems more likely that Marmaduke is bringing a human home for his owners to eat.

Dennis the Menace, 8/2/08

“So that’s why we’re practicin’ how to hide a body.”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 8/1/08

I’m sorry, did I sarcastically imply that yesterday’s strip, in which a restaurant bill was paid, was some sort of apex of boringness? That was before today, when Toby tried and failed to find a boring documentary and contemplated engaging in e-commerce. It’s not going to get any worse than this, right? Right? Please don’t test me!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/1/08

Oh, those extra-thorough county health officials! Naturally, when inspecting private home for contagious diseases, they also do a careful search for residue from illegal drugs! Because it’s a well known facts that drug-addicted degenerates are also diseased! I’m just sorry we didn’t get to see them give a urine test to a bunch of old gym mats.

Shoe, 8/1/08

So … Senator Belfry wants to take you up in him? Senator Belfry wants you to spend time in a basket dangling from his underside? This is the sort of joke that sounds like it’s supposed to be dirty, but dissolves into incoherence when you think about it for more than 15 seconds. The fact that I spend more than 15 seconds thinking about Shoe is probably one of my major life problems.

I do like the fact that the good Senator isn’t even bothering to sit next to his latest floozy. Because actually making conversation with your mistress is for those losers in the House.