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Comment of the Week

I know somebody probably just woke her up but I'd be more interested in her as a character if Neddy waited until she was nice and cozy in bed because it soothes her to get Randy all agitated and that makes for a pleasant, restful sleep.

—Tabby Lavalamp
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Eternal smile

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/20/08

“Lots of botox,” eh? The terrifying secret behind the endless smirking is revealed! The Funkiverse characters really aren’t the group of smug bastards that they appear to be; rather, misguided attempts to recapture their youthful good looks have left their faces frozen in ghastly rictus grins, despite all the cancerous horror their creator throws at them. It must make their existence extra depressing, frankly.

Slylock Fox, 7/21/08

Answer: Slylock knows that he can get another mouse at the pet store for less than $5. Maybe he can get one like the one with a nice scarf, like the critter drawn by the young man from Terre Haute!

Panel from Mary Worth, 7/20/08

If you’ve read 1984, you probably remember Room 101, the torture chamber where the dictatorial government subjects you to the thing you fear the most. The novel’s hero is threatened with rats, but I’m pretty sure that if I were brought there, I’d be confronted with Mary Worth saying this.

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Dressed to kill

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Mark Trail, 7/19/08

Smart thinking, Kelly! After all, if you’re a foolish young woman prowling around at night with a forty-year-old camera and an off-tan slab of bacon, the last thing you want is to be surprised wearing only your sexy body-shaping slip. No, it’s best to put on your mom jeans and tuck in your shirt. But be careful! Make sure you don’t wake up your fellow campers with the sounds of rustling polyester as you tie your cravat and adjust it to that kicky angle that all the boys like.

Beetle Bailey, 7/19/08

At last, the idea that Beetle Bailey is completely out of touch with today’s military has been disproved! Obviously General Halftrack refuses to be shown up by those jerks over at the Air Force and has managed to divert Camp Swampy’s allotment of anti-terrorist money to the construction of his own comfort capsule.

Hi and Lois, 7/19/08

Today’s unsettling thing that sounds like the title of ’70s exploitation movie about prostitution and should not be coming out of the mouths of little girls in the comics: “Torn between profit and pleasure.”

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Friday quickies of cruelty

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/18/08

“What I’m trying to say is, will you wear this bald wig tonight? I’ll pay you!”

Gil Thorp, 7/18/08

“I think I’m drifting in the Sea of Cortez someplace, and I need his help getting ahold of the Coast Guard down here.”

Mary Worth, 7/18/08

“Like, now? Can we make another go right now? Because I think if I have to look at this orangey glop for one more second, I’m going to throw up.”