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The Phantom, 6/4/08

So for the past few days, the Ghost-Who-Is-Pretty-Darn-Ripped and his wife have been strutting around in various states of undress on an abandoned oil platform somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, for no reason that you need to worry your pretty little heads about other than that it provides an opportunity for hot superhero-on-diplomat action. This has no doubt been delightful to faithful reader Bootsy, who can’t get enough of that stripey, stripey ass. Today’s strip is particularly hilarious in the stripey ass department, as we see that the Phantom sleeps in his stripey briefs and purple tights, though he lets his manly, muscled (and, if the final panel is any indication, nippleless) torso breathe.

Mary Worth, 6/4/08

About a year ago, I was forced to contemplate a question: Is there anything more vile than watching Vera and Dr. Drew have phone sex on bland and hideously colored sheets? At the time, I said “no”, obviously, but I now know that watching Mary and Ron have phone sex on bright and hideously colored upholstery is worse. KEEP THOSE HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM, YOU TWO.

Crankshaft, 6/4/08

By the look of glum despair on the balding green-shirted dude’s face, I’m guessing that this isn’t the first Crankshaft trademarked misanthropic witticism he’s had to endure during his 40+ minute wait in the security line.

Apartment 3-G, 6/4/08

Oh, Alan! That’s not “petty cash,” that’s Margo’s coke fund. She likes the powdered stuff, because unlike you she is classy, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be assaulting you like a crazed basehead when she realizes what you’ve done.

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Blondie, 6/4/08

Wait … is Dagwood supposed to be an office manager? Is … is that the joke? Because he often deals with “accounts” and makes presentations to clients for Dithers Enterprises, which isn’t something that office managers do, I don’t think. Or is he just taking offense at criticism of lazy incompetents on general principles? Or does he find it hard to relax because his co-chatter is talking about work? DAMN IT DAGWOOD YOU BROUGHT IT UP.

Anyway, I refuse to believe that Dagwood would just be spending time on random chat rooms. If he were to frequent any Web site, I’m pretty sure that it would be this.

Luann, 6/3/08

Comics about Brad’s sex life: Distasteful.

Comics about Brad’s fetishistic shaving-based sex life: NGGGNGGGNGNGH

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Sorry for the delay, all, but here is your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“It’s clear from their matching outfits: Jeff = Ted + Time – Dignity.” –Albert Camus

And the runners-up:

“Is Abby’s pose in the last panel of Judge Parker supposed to be a look of horrified shock? Or is she just desperately, fiendishly sucking the last lingering molecules of chocolate-flavored THC from her fingers, as befits a newly-minted drug addict?” –mojo

“I’m pretty excited that the Crank is doing whippets while driving. That can only lead to something great.” –EFR

“Is this Mary Worth in a nutshell or what? ‘I went all the way to Vietnam for you, you owe me! Now, get out while I go visit with another man.'” –Mac

“Buxley is a civilian employee; that would be the other reason why she gets dates and not Lt. Blips — the fraternization rules don’t apply. Well, and the boobs.” –Nil Zed

“I’m actually enjoying these cats [in Gasoline Alley], BTW. They’re not nearly as disturbing as the usual lineup of pixies with blank, soulless eyes.” –cheech wizard

“Um, Mister Jameson? You know she can’t see or hear you, right?” –Thinks He’s Brenda Starr

“That fancy two-panels-in-one trick in Sally Forth makes it appear that Ted and Sally are discussing family planning and potential sexual intercourse with their identical twins. ‘Baby, it’s not cheating if it’s with our look-a-likes!'” –Gnemec

“That ‘everything being so expensive line’ totally sounds like something from Herb and Jamaal. Who says that? Everything is so expensive! Everything in the world! Nothing specific … say, remember the good old days when a box of medication for your crabs was only $1, and instead you’d use that dollar to buy a pair of handcuffs and spread the nasties to every hot nipple-less nature writer who dared to pop his little head into the room? You don’t? Cherry? Are you there?” –Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)

“OMG, Mary is meddling in her own life. This can only mean the universe is about to die in fire.” –Inspector Dim

“I love the way in which Cherry has to get permission from a male in order to allow Kelly Welly to film in LoFo, or indeed make any decision other than to clean the house.” –Islamorada Girl

“I’m strongly in favor of the ‘Edda dumps her dead fish of a boyfriend’ storyline, but I’m not in favor of it being so boring.” –monkey.dave

And special recognition needs to go to these two comments from faithful reader Rusty. They managed to repulse even my wife, who’s a professional sex educator:

“Dr. Jeff looks haggard because he suddenly realized he’s been banging Mary Worth. ‘Put it in there, Jeff. Now isn’t that comfy? Now start moving it in and out. That’s right, sexual intercourse is one of God’s gifts to us all.'” –Rusty

“Sally is turning down a chance to be manipulated by the slenderest hands on the planet. He could probably get his entire reed-like forearm up in there.” –Rusty

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