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Goodness gracious, is it Monday already? I am actually going to be away for the next couple of days, but the inimitable Uncle Lumpy will be filling in; I’ll be back on Thursday 2/7. In the meantime, it’s time for more COTW goodness:

“Some advice for our would-be killers in Mark Trail today: instead of trying to bonk him inconclusively with your pontoons, why not try shooting him with your bullets? If you lose track of him, just listen for the sound of someone yelling instructions to his dog.” –Inspector Dim

And the usual runner-uppery:

“Is it just me, or does Vera’s new boyfriend look a lot like Rick Astley? I can see why she would be interested in someone who’s never gonna give her up, never gonna let her down, and never gonna run around and desert her, because Drew Cory is obviously none of these things.” –GJ

“If Francisco Franco had decided to defeat the Republicans by challenging them to a game of hoops, rather than brutally murdering them with the help of the Luftwaffe, Picasso’s Guernica would have turned out like the second panel of today’s Gil Thorp.” –Nekrotzar

“Andrew looks kinda sad. I guess if I were a hideous, half-formed conjoined twin growing out of Andre the Giant’s back, I’d be pretty bummed too.” –Rhekarid

“Had I been asked to bet which comic strip character could deliver the word ‘mumble’ so threateningly I would actually recoil a little, my money would actually not have been on Gil Thorp.” –Violet

“I love the idea of Gil Thorp just not remembering whether or not he mumbled about the screen. An arc about an amnesiac coach would be spectacular. ‘Andrew, you’re the only one I can trust with my memories. Did I mumble? Did I put something in the oven? Do you smell smoke?'” –Hasty Penguin

“Judge Parker: As a lawyer, I can tell you that the practice of law is exactly as boring as depicted in this strip. Tomorrow, Sam will tell Gloria that they are running low on post-it strips! Next week will be consumed by copier toner issues! I for one can’t wait to see what kind of legal pads Steve uses!” –AMSTERDANG

“Drew’s facial expressions in today’s MW are outstanding! I’m positively giddy looking at them. What the hell is wrong with me?” –Jungle Mountain Mama

“Man, for all the complaining we do about Mary Worth’s titular character, I’ve really grown to miss her during her prolonged absence from her own strip. Sure, she may be insufferably self-righteous and clearly evil, but God help her, she keeps the idiots in line.” –Tats

“Remember when you were a kid and you’d make a face, and someone would say, ‘If you keep doing that, it’ll stick like that’? That’s how Mrs. Dinkle looks. Really, that’s how most FW characters look.” –Atomic Bird

“I was going to note how those hard-charging ‘self-starters’ still find time to take three-hour lunches and randomly boff in the copy room, but then I thought: have we ever seen Dr. Drew actually practice medicine, or just watched him stalk, mope, finger his clothing, make broad insane gestures in public, and be ogled by random women who probably think he’s a serial killer? Mary is the most productive worker in the strip!” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“I highly doubt that pluggers wear suits, or, for that matter, ride in the devil’s chamber, this so-called ‘elevator.’ The wish to ‘elevate’ one’s self smacks of pride. And we all know exactly what pride did to Nebuchadnezzar, Caiaphas, and Nimrod, don’t we? (If you do, you’re a plugger.) Most likely the plugger believes the devilvator is itself urging him to touch it, which explains his alarm.” –teddytoad

“I don’t know, Spidey’s a little insane and a lot retarded; this completely idiotic truck-napping/jail break might actually be what he’d expect, since it’s nothing anybody with normal thought processes would expect.” –Impulse

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Apartment 3-G, 2/4/08

For the uninitiated, panels two and three are a good introduction to our gal Magee, revealing her to be a lovely and charming combination of Hermann Göring and P.T. Barnum. I wasn’t even aware that Lu Ann had shared her deranged oxygen-deprived series of hallucinations (or were they hallucinations? DUN DUN DUNNNHHHH) with her roommates, but assuming she did, it’s not at all surprising that Margo would chose to use that knowledge to publicly humiliate her for financial gain. The great thing about exploiting Lu Ann is that she was already kind of dumb even before the carbon monoxide poisoning played hell with her memory, so Margo can just claim that she’d already signed off on this publicity campaign months ago and she’ll probably buy it.

For Better Or For Worse, 2/4/08

THE FACE, MEREDITH, GO FOR THE FACE! I love how quickly Mike has given up hope of stopping his progeny from battling it out with razor-sharp kitchen utensils; now he seeks merely to level the playing field. I’ll give this to him, though: just one afternoon where one of his kids blinds the other one and he’ll never be left in charge of them by himself again.

Marmaduke, 2/4/08

I have to admit that I had always assumed that, when Marmaduke finally mastered the English language, he’d be a lot more threatening in his use of it. For instance, I’d have imagined that what he’d have written in the snow here would have been more along the lines of “YOU HAVE TO COME OUT SOMETIME AND WHEN YOU DO YOU’RE MINE.”

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Family Circus, 2/3/08

Hmm, Billy, maybe that’s what they teach you in your liberal secular humanist public school, but I have someone here who’d beg to differ. A little someone named Genesis 1:26-7:

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

So you see, Billy, there was none of this blasphemous decision-making process that you envision, as God simply copied His own preexisting Face for mankind. And He certainly didn’t request any help from the peanut gallery as you appear to be doing, either. As to where exactly God got His Face from, or as to what need he Has for a human-type Face, exactly, those are the sorts of questions that would get you a good paddling if you were going to the sort of school that made this country great.

Slylock Fox, 2/3/08

After Pearls Before Swine borrowed the Slylock Fox formula a few weeks ago, we should have expected that the PBS gang would make a reciprocal appearance before too long. Followers of Rat and Pig’s adventures probably don’t need any fancy process of ratiocination to figure out just who slammed a tree limb into the back of an innocent bunny’s head for not good reason. More disturbing to me is the Six Differences, where a hungry rabbit has hollowed out a snowman from the inside and is now triumphantly holding his noggin aloft à la the Headless Horseman. Our towheaded youth will be describing this scene to his therapist for years to come.

Judge Parker, 2/3/08

“Sure, let’s have an impromptu lunch date! It’s not like my dying mother isn’t going to still be dying in a few more hours; plus, the longer you linger with me, the better sense I get of how little effort will be expected of me when I actually start working with you!”