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They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/23/07

See, here’s the thing about the classic “send in your ideas to get them turned into a comic” comics: you never really know what’s going to happen to them after you send them in. They might get through almost entirely unfiltered, except that you end up in a vest or with a bow in your hair or something; on the other hand, you things might get so twisted around that they become completely unrecognizable. For instance, I have a hard time imagining that a “number of wives all over the U.S.A.” wrote Al Scaduto to say, “Ha! It used to be that I would harass my husband all the time for working for a living while I sat around doing nothing … but now that he’s retired, the very sight of him disgusts me! Ha! I guess I’m just a fickle, controlling shrew!” On the bright side, it looks like we’re about to get some hi-larious wife-beating action.

Mark Trail, 3/23/07

Wow, I’ve never seen Mark so depressed, so downcast, so … upset and confused. All because of one little hook from the bottom of a boat. That hook made him feel worse than he did watching his old army buddy drown and die. Maybe it’s his Rosebud, his madeleine, bringing his mind back to a past that’s now lost, a better time, when he didn’t have to live with a dumb girl and her creepy old dad and a moronic adopted son, when it was just him and his vast collection of hooks and screws, and he was happy.

Ziggy, 3/23/07

AUUUUGGGHHH ZIGGY OWNS SAILOR MOON UNDERWEAR MUST NOT VISUALIZE NOOOOOOOO

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It may not be immediately obvious, but this is post number 1,000 in the blog’s publishing system! To prove this to yourself, click here to get to the single-post version of this page and look at your address bar. I had sort of big plans of completing the long-rumored FAQ for post number 1,000, but I am completely fried from guest-blogging at Wonkette for this past week. So, instead, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you: Everyone who reads the site, who’s linked to the site from their site or from forums or Usenet, those who comment all the time, those who comment every now and again, and those who just lurk: thanks.

When I posted my very first cartoon on July 11, 2004 (that’s post number 5 rather than number 1 for various boring computer reasons), I expected to mainly entertain my family and friends. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to not only reach an audience of so many people, but also to laugh as hard at their writing on my site as (I hope) they do at mine. This blog is a huge part of my life now, and I appreciate all of you for making me feel appreciated. Here’s to the next thousand!

UPDATE: The recent post number countdown has prompted some discussion of why the numbers for the early posts are out of order. If you wan a WAY TOO DETAILED explanation, as well as a bonus link to the moment the blog changed names, check out this comment I just posted. And since I am so blog-burnt, and everyone is being so nice in the comments, I’m going to let the party roll on this post till Sunday or so. I don’t think I can emotionally handle reading the latest Foob right now.

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The Lockhorns, 3/22/07

I know this isn’t really going out on a limb, since everyone in the Lockhorns (except for the statuesque blondes that Leroy is always drunkenly flirting with at parties) is pretty much the same person except for the clothes and hair, but: doesn’t Loretta’s mother look exactly like Leroy, except with, um, different clothes and hair? For some reason, their resemblance is especially creepy to me because her hair looks exactly like the wig that Norman wears when he turns into Mother in Psycho. So, even though it’s unlikely, what with their both being in the panel here and all, I’d like to believe that Leroy becomes “Mother-in-Law” when his internalized mental anguish forces him to kill. This feature would be better if there were more stabbings, is what I’m trying to get at.

Apartment 3-G, 3/22/07

The thing is, I’m not sure what Margo would find “sweet” — when a man kills for her? — but I’m willing to bet it isn’t the kind of mopey, passive-aggressive poor-me game that Gary is playing here. I guess she might think it’s “sweet” in the sense of “isn’t that sweet, my dopey roommate has attracted someone who’s an even bigger loser than she is.”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/22/07

GOD DAMN IT, FUNKY WINKERBEAN, WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE DAMN CANCER WITH YOU? CANCER CANCER CANCER! THERE ARE OTHER KILLER DISEASES, YOU KNOW! WHY CAN’T IT BE AIDS? OR EBOLA? GIVE IT A REST WITH THE DAMN CANCER ALREADY? CHRIST!

Judge Parker, 3/22/07

Wow, so this is what it eventually comes to for humanities Ph.D. students? And I thought my occasional stints as a temp doing filing or reception work were beneath my dignity. Looks like I got out of grad school just in time!