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Apartment 3-G, 10/26/06

%$(^, that is one #)(%&ing angry brunette. Everyone’s going to be marveling at Tommie’s massive head bobble in panel three, which makes it look like she’s a Victorian governess who’s never, ever heard a swear word before, but the motion lines I’m more interested in are radiating from Margo’s clenched fist in panel one. This chick looks like she’s about to haul off and punch somebody — somebody like Eric Mills, or, if he’s not available, his niece.

Who knew that being a party planner for the rich and capricious was so stressful? First it was peacocks running amok, now she can’t get her client on the phone when she’s at the crucial point in her delicate negotiations with the Kidz Bop Kids. Considering the fact that her last big event never happened, and this one is heading in the same direction, I do hope that Margo bills by the hour, and once a week.

Gasoline Alley, 10/26/06

Speaking of women who look to be on the threshold of fisticuffs, check out the numb, wide-eyed expression on Clovia’s face in panel three here. Clovia has been on the verge of snapping for about the entire time I’ve been reading this strip, largely due to her husband’s complete lack of redeeming qualities. Once the killing spree begins, it’s only going to start with Slim. Note the difference in technique: while Margo is going for the classic knuckle sandwich, Clovia has her index knuckle somewhat extended, as if her first objective will be to gouge out an eye.

Mary Worth, 10/26/06

Real comics aficionados aren’t fooled by this “Ella” business; that’s clearly beloved Doonesbury character Lacey Davenport!

Some of you might be saying, “But Josh, Lacey died in 1998!” Well, duh. Since she’s deceased, she can be summoned up by the God of Comics and sent into various strips as a sort of troubleshooter to solve problems and right wrongs. This explains why she doesn’t even know why she’s moving into this well-appointed condo complex: the God of Comics likes to reveal His intentions a little bit after the scene has been set, just like Charlie’s Angels’ Charlie. But I don’t think I need to explain to you what grievous recent wrong needs to be avenged in this feature. I think the stage is being set for one of the most titanic Battles of the Biddies that the comics has ever seen. That squirrel is getting out while the getting’s good.

Dennis the Menace, 10/26/06

“Don’t you remember, mom? He was saying stuff like … ‘This sham of a marriage is killing me’ … ‘You and your little brat can rot at the Gap for the rest of your life for all I care’ … ‘You’ll be hearing from my lawyer’ … ‘Thank God the house is in my name’…”

Seriously, who doesn’t remember how they got to the mall? Who gets dropped off at the mall without a plan for how they’re going to get home? Is Mrs. the Menace high? She looks kind of high to me.

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Spider-Man, 10/25/06

In a total violation of everything this strip stands for, Spider-Man has forced its dozens of readers to endure nineteen grueling days of exciting superhero-vs.-supervillain hand-to-hand combat. Fortunately, a good portion of this period was taken up by J. Jonah Jameson’s failed attempt to remove a camera lens cap. Today, at last, our long national nightmare is over, and we can get back to the feature’s bread and butter: toothless media satire, lame LA spoofery, and zany, vaguely homoerotic reaction shots from ol’ Flattop Hitler.

For Better Or For Worse, 10/25/06

Meanwhile, the Foobs return to the least harrowing of their ongoing storylines, as 4Evah and Eva try to simultaneously make their mark in the unforgiving novelty single market and demonstrate their total commitment to expunging the d sound from the end of and in Canadian English by the year 2020. While I commend Gerald’s passion, I question his marketing savvy, as he seems to believe that a 21st century Halloween song needs to be approached with the sort of deadly earnestness normally associated with Norwegian death metal, when clearly some kind of ironic distance is in order. Still, he doesn’t really deserve the tongue-lashing he gets in panel four. I can’t decide whether Eva is such a mega-diva that she can’t conceive of not speaking into her microphone so as to be heard by her many fans, or if she’s just trying to blow Gerald’s eardrums out completely so he’ll flee to an audiologist and leave the rest of them alone.

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Mark Trail, 10/24/06

Normally I would go into some sort of liberal namby-pamby crap here about how the Mark Trail isn’t going to let no goddamned fourth amendment stop him from handing out left hooks and right crosses of justice, what with him being the King of LoFo and not needin’ no warrants and all, but then I realized that MOLLY IS IN DANGER and these guys are freakin’ NAMED JAKE AND SNAKE FOR GOD’S SAKES so let’s just GET ON WITH THIS ALREADY.

Cathy, 10/24/06

I break my usual contemptuous silence on the subject of Cathy in order to point out that there’s a carrot in Mr. What’s-His-Name’s word balloon in the second panel today. Yeah, you heard me. A carrot. A frickin’ carrot. What. The. Hell.

Get Fuzzy, 10/24/06

I’m really pretty sure that this is the first Holocaust collaboration joke in the history of the comics.