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For Better Or For Worse, 6/2/06

So after my spittle spewing rant on Liz’s dumbness earlier this week, I’ve stepped back from the brink a bit when it comes to FBOFW. Yes, I think she’s making a choice that’s both hurtful to lots of people in her new home and deeply lame, personal-growth-wise, but you know, people do that sort of thing in real life all the time. What I’m coming to appreciate is the fact that she’s not being sheltered in the narrative from the anger that her decision is causing. It would have been simple to have the Wise Indians of Mtigwaki™ tell Liz that they know her heart is in the south and that you have go where the Great Spirit wants you to go and that one’s family in the most important thing in the whole universe and we all live near our families and so you should too and blah blah blah. Instead, they’re all really pissed at her, as yet another person who’s come to be valuable in their community leaves lets them down and packs up for the Big Smoke. It seems almost impossible that there won’t be some hugging and learning before Liz takes off for good, but it’s nice to see some folks who aren’t two-dimensional villains angry at a Patterson for once.

On the other hand, the pickle jar metaphor troubles me. “If only we could twist off his head and pluck out his emotions! But all we’d really be able to see are guts and gross stuff. Believe me, I tried.” Also, confidential to Ted Forth: Native Canadians ladies are tougher than you. But I suppose that’s not a surprise.

Apartment 3-G, 6/2/06

HOLY CRAP! BEATNIKS! BEATNIKS! BEATNIKS!

Er. Ahem. At least one beatnik, anyway. But you know they travel in packs. This is gonna be so cool. Beatnik! Beatnik in a vest. That’s, like, sick, man.

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Mark Trail, 6/1/06

Aw, look! The love a little orphan boy has caused Evil Bald Dude to change is ways, and admit his villainy in open court the County Commission chambers. The road won’t get built, Lost Forest will be saved, and the freakishly oversized animals will get to frolic in peace.

You know what this means, right? It means that Mark isn’t going to get to punch anybody. Damn it damn it damn it.

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Shoe, 5/31/06

Let’s pretend, for the sake of argument, that the “joke” emanating from the TV set in this comic is funny and worth publishing in newspapers around the country. Does it add anything to American life to have said joke presented in comic strip format, with the bleary-eyed Perfessor staring at it expressionlessly from his easy chair? Why not jettison the cartoon aspect altogether and just have a feature called “Jokes We’ve Heard”, where amiable fellows share little riddles and bon mots from their repertoires with readers, eliminating the need to do all that tedious drawing? That’d be much easier.

Unless … the joke is that the Perfessor has had a massive heart attack hours before, and that, while he’s watching this funeral ad, he’s actually dead. Now that’d be funny. No, wait, actually, it wouldn’t, but at least there’d be a point to it.

Slylock Fox, 5/31/06

5) Undead fiends stalk the night, desperately thirsty for the blood of the living! (Answer: All too true!)

Remember when vampires had huge mountaintop castles in the Balkans and mysterious magical carriages to carry them and their victims to and fro? Whereas now they apparently have to take the bus with the rest of the puds. Jeez, vampires are losers.