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Comment of the Week

Really liking that accusing look on Dennis's face. 'I was promised some kind of circus freak who lived like a dog, and instead I get this boring suburban schmoe? Boo! Zero stars!’

—pugfuggly
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From the mouths of babes

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Drabble and Fast Track, 3/6/06

I’m not sure why tone-deaf technology jokes enrage me so much, but they sure do. Today’s Drabble and Fast Track (two mostly harmless strips I’ve added to my repertoire) represent a painful subset of this joke: the kids who know technology better than their parents! Oooh, edgy!

You know who really knows how to use high-tech better than the average Joe? Deaf people. No, hear me out (ha ha): Once a good friend of mine had his family in town, and they all came over to my place to watch the X-Files. His little sister is deaf, and I started to apologize for not having a TV that did close captioning, but before I could get halfway into a sentence, Asha (my friend’s sister) picked up the remote and BAM BAM BAM there were all these crazy menus on the screen that I had never seen before and hey presto everything was closed captioned. Which was awesome not only because Asha could then enjoy the X-Files with the rest of us, but because throughout the entire creepy whistling theme music, the close captioning put all these little music notes all over the screen. Very charming. Anyhoo, apparently a lot of young deaf kids are super duper tech savvy because the Internet and some hidden features in a lot of home electronics make it easier to get by without hearing. I challenge any and all cartoonists reading this to make humorous hay out of this. Go on. Do it in a classy and funny way and I’ll be deeply impressed.

On this subject (technology, not deaf people), I provide a shameless plug for another off-blog thing I’m doing: I’m supplying a “Geek Comic of the Week” write-up over at ITworld.com every Monday. I’m a darn comics analysis franchise already!

Also: today’s DRMMDGIJ™:

Seriously, there is absolutely nothing I can say that would make this any gayer.

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Mark Trail uses his powers for evil rather than good

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Mark Trail, 3/5/06

In the Sunday Mark Trails, there’s typically something of a disconnect between the whimsical animal antics art and the all-learning-and-crap dialogue. However, in this wasp-themed installment, the gap is so large it calls for that nuclear bomb of Comics Curmudgeon analysis: What They Say And What They Mean!

What he says What he means
“There are several types of wasps, and the ones we are probably most familiar with are the social wasps, including the yellow jackets and hornets!” Wasps, beautiful wasps — with their deadly stings! Soon they will obey my every command!
“Scientists work with many creatures to help improve our lives, and wasps play a major role in their studies!” Yes, go ahead and sting me, my beauties … little do you know that I’ve injected the mind control serum into my own blood! Drink, drink your fill! Each prick brings me closer to absolute power!
“Insects live everywhere — on land, in the air, and in water — and they may someday soon be used in security programs and even to detect diseases such as cancer!” Ahhh, I can feel the buzzing in my own mind now! Your tiny, deadly bodies are an extension of my being! Soon no one will be able to stop me!
“For years, scientists have been working with a species of nonstinging wasps to sniff out drugs, bombs, bodies, etc… They say that the wasps are as sensitive to odors as dogs.” What’s this? A squirrel? Yes, come closer to my minions’ nest, little creature. Don’t be too cautious … cautious like my colleagues at Oxford. They said my theories were dangerous! They called me mad! We’ll see who’s mad now! Come closer, you filthy, wretched tree rat! CLOSER!
“Researchers expose hungry wasps to the target odor, then feed them sugar water … After 3 repetitions of sniffing and feeding, the insects associate the odor with feeding. Wasps could be used to locate explosives at airports, land mines, drugs, etc… They could also be used to monitor crops for toxins. Where it takes months to train dogs, it only takes 5 minutes to train wasps. The technology may be ready to use in 3-8 years, and scientists believe many other types of invertebrates can be used to sniff out trouble.” NOW, MY LOVELIES! STRIKE! KILL! KILL! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem. In other news, here’s today’s Daily Rex Morgan, M.D. Gay Innuendo Joke (DRMMDGIJ™):

Not hardly, kid.

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Saturday soap lessons

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The Phantom, 3/4/06

Here’s what you learned, kids: the Phantom is an evil bastard who will mess with your minds. It’ll take about five minutes to have that discussion; the rest of the hike will pass in awkward, resentful silence.

And what else have we learned?

Apartment 3-G, 3/4/06

We learned that MARGO MAGEE IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE HUMAN TIME BOMB OF EVIL! SHE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS! DON’T TAKE HER ANYWHERE! DON’T LET HER LEAVE THE HOUSE! SHE LEAVES ONLY SHATTERED LIVES IN HER WAKE!

And one more thing we learned:

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/06

We learned that felt good! But we think you already knew that, Rex.