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It’s Friday morning, and you know what that means: your comment of the week has arrived:

Folks said please and thankee! That’s it! Folks only knew two words! Communicatin’ was difficult back then, we had t’git creative with inflection! That’s why young’uns wuz quiet and polite; they din’t know all these fancy pleases! I mean words! Shoot, there I thankee again!” –els

As have your runners up!

Panel after panel of suspense-building. What is Marvin typing? What is that skritching? What is Marvin typing? What is that skritching? WHAT IS MARVIN TYPING? WHAT IS THAT SKRITCHING? And then we get (a) not gonna tell you, and (b) fleas. They could have done this as a weekday strip, is what I’m saying. It would have been just as lame, but would have wasted 57% less of my time.” –Twinkles the Elf

“‘You doing okay, Parker?’ ‘Why would you be asking me that weeks later at the Youth Center, as opposed to at school, where we run into one another all the time and the incident happened?’ ‘Listen, I don’t create this dialogue! — I just say what’s drawn in the dialogue bubble for me!’” –Bob Tice

“So what if people say it’s not ‘normal’ for 50 year-olds to hang at the youth center. Normal’s overrated. (‘Boring’ will always be in fashion though, so we’ve got nothing to worry about.)” –2+2=7

“Dot, envisioning a future as a ventriloquist, practices by saying ‘Stop’ without opening her mouth. (It’s the ‘p’ that’s tricky.)” –Pozzo

“The twins ending their parents’ ability to do any imagination is made even more sinister when you look at panel two, and see that Hi and Lois are both half-bodies floating in the olive-colored void. This is either Hi or Lois dreaming, but even in the personal space of sleep their children intrude to ground their attempts to live counter-factuals or alternative histories. Like the darkest days of an authoritarian regime, the children are trained to report on parents breaking the rules of the established order, so much so the parents fear them even in their sleep.” –Philip

“Sarge is canonically a WWII veteran, so maybe he is just paralyzed in fear that they are sending him into the meat grinder of the Pacific theatre.” –Ettore Costa, on Twitter

“‘Make sure the avocado has implied boobs’ is the kind of attention to detail you don’t get at Hi and Lois.” –Dan

“I unabashedly love the Jack Benny vibe Dennis gives off in the second panel, smartly complemented by his old-fashioned footwear (what are those, saddle shoes???). It all creates such an anachronistic vaudeville feel that I almost missed the fact that Dennis and Margaret are both standing in puddles of their own urine.” –Doctor Moreau

“The most menacing thing in the Dennisverse today is the concept that they experience their reality in the same format we see them in the comic, which would explain why the television today is oriented in what we consider to be portrait mode.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Who’s to say the A/C doesn’t dance a truly delightful little jig? It clearly knows its own worth.” –Plaid Phantom

“For all I know, Rodney and Barnes are two different guys. Rodney’s just sore, but Barnes had a bitter argument with Noble about that giant volume of Hans Christian Andersen stories that nobody bought this month. ‘On the bottom display rack, wrapped in plastic, and 20% off!’ Noble sneered, while Barnes wept bitterly. This would ruin his relationship with Torch, he knew that much for sure.” –made of wince

“Mr Wilson is never happier than when he’s pressing his soft belly into a spiky hedge. Just look at that expression on his face: it’s not a good feeling, but at least he’s feeling something.” –pugfuggly

Good humor in Mr. Wilson’s case entails looking like a gleefully deranged Nazi war criminal as opposed to his usual sullen, dyspeptic Nazi war criminal.” –Violet

“Dennis cheerfully informs his best friend that his neighbor is having a great day. Menacing Level: Less than zero.” –astroboy

“[Taps sign] MUST DRIVE MASERATI OR BETTER TO QUESTION FUNERARY PRACTICES” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Dolly is actually giving good advice here. When you are asking for God to smite someone, you must speak with a more commanding tone.” –Ranger

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Blondie, 8/16/24

This strip may on first read seem entirely incoherent, but I actually think it nicely captures many people’s instinctive take on generative AI. Delicious, chemically infused slop dished up a vaguely burger-flavored form? Yum yum, bring it on! Uncanny valley content slop that you find when desperately searching for information or recipes online or looking at pictures on Facebook? Ugh, no, gross, absolutely not, kill it with fire.

Judge Parker, 8/16/24

Think I’m siding with mom here. Oh, you think your little underwater sojourn has helped you solve the mystery of the missing dad? Well, have you considered that the missing dad is going to be dead forever, whereas this party is alive and bumpin’ for just a few more hours? Why do you have to ruin it now, when we’ve already spent all this money on nice hors d’oeuvres?

Family Circus, 8/16/24

Sorry, Dolly, if you can’t even rope in your stupidest sibling, I don’t think your plan to declare yourself a God manifest on Earth and demand worship is going to work out.

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Dennis the Menace, 8/15/24

Spent a long time … no, that’s a lie. I spent like 30 seconds trying to figure if there was a “joke” here per se. Like, is it about … ice cream or something? Maybe? Eventually decided that there wasn’t. Mr. Wilson is just feeling better! Maybe he finally got on the right cocktail of psychopharmaceuticals, or maybe he just realized he has it pretty good and decided to rearrange his outlook on life. Either way, good for him!

Hi and Lois, 8/15/24

There’s no joke here either, but that’s par for the course in this strip now, and frankly I’m not complaining, because this is great. The little league team isn’t doing well, and Hi, who probably already feels like it’s kind of a thankless job, just got publicly insulted by one of the kids, while his son looks on in horror. It’s perfect! Keep it up, Hi and Lois!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/15/24

I’ve ruffled a few feathers by speaking some tough truths about comic characters — namely, the truth that the Lockhorns are Millennials. So here’s some more shocking real talk: probably most of you, based on their old-timey attire plus the fact that they look like wizened, ancient gnome-creatures, assume that Snuffy and Loweezy Smif are old people. But that doesn’t add up! As you can see here, they don’t see themselves that way; moreover, they have an infant child, and live in the sort of community where younger parenthood is the norm! We must therefore assume that they are at most 27 years old, and you know what that means: THE SMIFS ARE ZOOMERS