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Gil Thorp, 7/22/22

Hey guys! Remember when Gil and his wife Mimi had children who appeared in their Christmas cards, but then they slowly faded out of the strip, and from their Christmas cards? Well, apparently they got to this awards banquet, saw the card on the table that said “Thorp Family” and were like “oh shit, our kids!” Sadly, Mimi was not able to see Gil win his major award because she’s speeding home trying to remember where they last saw their children and what year that was.

The Lockhorns, 7/22/22

God, I love how absolutely dead everyone’s facial expressions are here. Please, Leroy and Loretta have already thought of everything terrible they could possibly say to one another, and now they need to infuriate their neighbors just to feel something again.

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Mary Worth, 7/21/22

A lot of you commentors have interpreted my endless rage against Jared as indicating that I somehow don’t think Dawn is a bad girlfriend. Dawn is in fact a bad girlfriend! I just don’t mention it that much because the behavior in the strip that’s supposed to indicate that Dawn is a bad girlfriend is in fact bad behavior, whereas the behavior in the strip that’s supposed to indicate that Jared is a great guy is in face incredibly off-putting. Anyway, Dawn is getting the business from her friend Cathy, who’s telling Dawn what’s what in between enormous bites of salad. We’ve already established that this Cathy is at least the second Cathy Dawn’s been friends with, so maybe we’re about to get to the part where Dawn friend-dumps her and moves on to another Cathy who hopefully will never call her out on her bullshit, and the cycle can begin anew.

Daddy Daze, 7/21/22

Wow, it turns out that the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth pal is actually his next door neighbor. Which tracks, honestly? Can you imagine him maintaining a relationship with someone he doesn’t just run into accidentally all the time?

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Blondie, 7/20/22

One of my least favorite running bits in this strip is when Dagwood and his work friends enact some elaborate scenario to match up with whatever pan-cultural event or sports championship or anniversary is on the big calendar hanging on the wall over at Blondie HQ. But I really appreciate how this strip subverted my expectations: I genuinely thought the final panel would be some dumb scene with people in homemade spacesuits or whatever but instead it’s just Dithers saying “Get it? He’s a big lazy dipshit! Just look at him. Doesn’t really have anything to do with the moon, I just wanted an excuse to point that out.”

Six Chix, 7/20/22

I genuinely appreciate the scenario being laid out here: that this is a sophisticated vampire bar where humans are killed and drained of their blood (presumably not in that order) in the kitchen so that the clientele can just enjoy their sustenance in a civilized way from glassware without having to fight for it for once, but Vlad and his newfangled vegan vampirism is so repellent to the proprietors that they just threw coffin full of oranges at him and were like “Here, you figure it out, you sick freak.”