And the runners up? Enjoy those as well.
“‘Dad, I had a terrible nightmare! I turned into you and I woke up screaming!’ ‘I also dream about turning into me and wake up screaming. But there’s no real escape from the nightmare for me!”” –Ettorre
“For a brief, shimmering moment, as she contemplated the monastic tonsure, Dawn had hope that life was more than just brutal, that it had purpose and meaning and direction. All too quickly, though, her subconscious reminded her of the curse of the Westons: to wander the earth as giant bald babies, screaming Godzilla-like in the loveless night. In the morning, she arose and purchased the Complete Idiot’s Guide To Negging. She had her fate, and she embraced it.” –pastordan
“Come down to Gooney Gas for the freshest gas made from gooney birds. Our gooney gathers travel to exotic locations around the world — from French Polynesia to French Frigate Shoals! — and select only the finest, plumpist gooneys to be rendered into gasoline through our patented (pending) process of extreme heat and pressure! Then we crack the gooney juice into various hydrocarbons, from tar (buy it at Gooney Paving!), natural gas (on sale at Gaseous Gooneys), ethylene (Gooney Chemicals, LLC), and, of course, good old fashioned gasoline! Put a Gooney in your tank and your car will soar!” –Voshkod
“Dagwood is simply stabbing the nozzle straight into the side and filling up the trunk with gasoline.” –Professor Well Actually
“‘We’ve not checked in with the Harwoods, Senior and Junior, in a while.’ Well, whose fault is that, Narration Box? There is no ‘we’. Leave me out of this.” –made of wince
“Glad to see you, Dawn! Now I have an excuse to drink a Gin Fizz at 8am.” –Hibbleton
“We’ve seen Wilbur do so many insane, awful things, but what’s the worst thing we’ve seen Dawn do? Not in the same league. Also she’s attractive, I think (?) and although in all these years I’ve never seen her exhibit a personality per se, I’d argue that no personality is infinitely preferable to a Wilburesque personality.” –Violet
“[Clearing throat, hastily shoving notes on Toby’s current crisis under the muffin plate] Yes I knew this was happening but felt it wasn’t yet time to say anything.” –Dan
“[10 minutes after Harwood Jr leaves] Well, my shoes are tied up nice and good. Now how do I make dinner?… FUCK” –pugfuggly
“There is a fascinating documentary on YouTube called ‘How this font became the face of Chinese food in America’ about the typography of Chinese restaurants through the years that’s just under 20 minutes long that seems like it goes by faster than spending 5 seconds reading a decades old Family Circus. The only advantages to the comic are Billy angrily pointing an accusatory finger because he’s not gonna have a sweet and sour nothing, damn it, a gormless Jeffy waving the pendant he will lose before the day is done, and Papa Keene reading the menu to make sure it’s as inauthentic as possible.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“See I’m just staring at the row of flags trying to figure out the geopolitical implications of the Family Circus universe — for example, is that both an independent England and a United Kingdom? Or maybe Italian unification didn’t happen and that’s Genoa?”” –nicole 2: the squeakquel, on Twitter
“Thel’s heavy-lidded, self-medicated look of appraisal at her husband and children is chilling. ‘It’s not like I thought I was marrying a genius or anything,’ she muses idly. ‘But this … this is wrong, isn’t it? This is very, very wrong. I’m … I’m trapped, aren’t I? Is there anywhere around here a woman can get a drink at 8:45 in the morning?’” –Doctor Moreau
“Keep a video record of my dying wife, so when her infant daughter grows up she’ll know how her mom looked, moved, spoke? Get the fuck out of here, that’s ridiculous. Why would I want to do that? oh, wait … did you say Hari Seldon?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“Presumably the ‘Frozen Dante’ stand in the background symbolizes that Crankshaft is destined for the Ninth Circle of Hell (the frozen lake Cocytus). He’ll probably run into famous inmate Judas Iscariot and make an awful pun on his name.” –Peanut Gallery
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