“The Hootin’ Holler Olympics is sponsored by Mountain Dew Rise, the only energy drink powerful enough to fuel a whole townful of men as they spend another week not looking for paid work of any kind.” –BigTed
“I like how both Dustin and his dad twist their heads just 45 degrees in a feigned attempt to say something to Dustin’s mom as she sadly leaves. ‘Were you going t–…No, you go ahead and … uh … ah, she’s probably fine.’” –pugfuggly
“The International Olympic Committee is a highly corrupt farce of an organization but they’re also very protective of their brand so for once I’ll be on their side as they send an army of lawyers to shut down Hootin’ Holler.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“I am sitting in a chair and slumping as hard as I can possibly slump, and my knees aren’t as high up as Dustin’s in panel 3. Never say he doesn’t excel at anything.” –matt w
“Funky Winkerbean: Hahahaha! I mean, oh no.” –Noel
“I think Crankshaft has stumbled onto a working formula: Ed spouts vaguely apocalyptic nonsense, causing those around him to panic and seek solace in religion.” –Joe Blevins
“Les and Cayla got up that morning, got cleaned up, ate breakfast, and went to a pumpkin patch. Once they got there maybe an hour later, Les casually mentioned, ‘Oh yeah, by the way, remember that Hollywood movie based on the book I wrote about the woman I wish I was still married too? It tanked, like an anvil in a lake, heh heh. You probably didn’t know that because you never would check the news or reviews on the internet. I don’t either, really, I got an email about it several days ago from a movie star we know but I never bothered to tell you.’
How could any of this be possible? The only conceivable, realistic analysis here is that Cayla finally has moved out or thrown Les out, possibly over his emotional fling with the actor playing Dead Wife Lisa or maybe just his continuing neglect and necrophilia, and this is their weekly rendezvous at the marriage counselor’s office. Anxious to avoid another smirking, pun-filled confrontation before they enter the office, Cayla blames the movie’s promotion rather than the fact the story was trite and tired, ‘a disaster best run late at night on the Hallmark Channel,’ and the film poorly acted — she’s actually read the reviews. Especially the one where the reviewer from Vulture confessed to laughing at the wrong moments. Cayla laughed too. Meanwhile the counselor waits. He is Dr. Linus Van Pelt, all grown up and secretly (and quite insanely) still waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise from the estate around his home office. ‘Westview is sincere in its misery,’ Dr. Van Pelt tells his security blanket, ‘and I have tapped into the mother lode. I have seen him already,’ Van Pelt adds, not realizing that in fact he only has seen Funky on his morning run.
Across the park, meanwhile, a woman strides to a nearby church, in order to pray for her father to die.” –Little Blue Bicycle
“Damn, can’t believe Snuffy Smith is just openly defecating in there. Well, actually, I can.” –Irrischano
“I can tell Carol won’t make it to the ‘Fighting Wilburbabies Nightmare’ stage of the relationship. She may not make it to the dessert stage of this dinner, if she’s smart.” –georgiabob
“Hi looks dejected because the twins don’t want some of his Cream of Lois’s Wig soup.” –nescio
“You’re going to put Claxton to sleep? I prefer sending Claxton to live the rest of his days on a farm.” –Liam
“I know my limits, but those don’t extend so far as to prevent me from eating this … coin?” –Charterstoned
“Les straining his body to the limit hoisting a mid-sized pumpkin into his car made my day. First he tried reading poetry at it, then musing on the fate of arthouse cinemas, and nothing worked. Finally he was forced to resort to labor, like a common … god, what do you even call someone who’s not an artist?!” –Dan
“The deeper underlying story must be why Carol is so desperate. It’s one thing to date someone you have little in common with, but she can see, hear, and presumably smell Wilbur, right?” –Rosstifer
“Welcome to the HAUNTED WELDING SHOP, kids! It’s SCA-A-A-ARY! You’ll see cracks! Inclusions! Porosities! Undercuts and underfills! All leading to… CATASTROPHIC STRUCTURAL FAILURE! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!” –Peanut Gallery
“I hope Sam doesn’t scooch back and kill that bush with his oily hair. He’s already gotten grease stains all over his seat. I pity his pillow cases.” –made of wince
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