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Funky Winkerbean, 6/17/22

Hi, guys. Happy Friday. It’s been a tough week and I hope you’re all looking forward to the weekend. To celebrate, here’s Funky Winkerbean’s ass! I know, you all probably assumed that if anyone was going to show an ass in this strip, it would be insufferable “protagonist” Les Moore. But I guess he shows his ass every time he discusses his literary career built on the remains of his dead wife, ha ha! Seriously, though, it’s nice for the strip’s oft-neglected title character to get his time to shine, isn’t it? And damn, that ass is round. Like, too round. I’m no assologist, but I’m not exactly sure with the left cheek there — like is it extending that far beyond his torso or what. Is this what a “Brazilian butt lift” is? Has Funky had a BBL? I hope this strip spends the next month on this and nothing else.

Gil Thorp, 6/17/22

In non-ass news, the revelation that Gregg’s dad isn’t on the run from the mob but actually just did some plagiarism a few years back and is real embarrassed about it now is like the opposite of a character in a long-running family comic strip showing their ass in a strip, in the sense that it isn’t a horrifying nightmare mistake, but also not very interesting and will be pretty quickly forgotten entirely, unlike Funky’s ass, which we’ll be thinking about for some time.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/17/22

“Which is ironic, because he was a janitor! I guess none of us like to take our work home with us. Anyway, that guy’s going to prison for a long time for his various crimes.”

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Dick Tracy, 6/16/22

Oh, right, I guess I never mentioned that the owl guy had, pre-owl-stuff, been seen using hypnosis (?) to convince people to hand over money they were taking out of ATMs, and is also a classic member of Dick’s rogues gallery named “Mr. Memory.” ATM-hypnosis is in the same bank-robbing ballpark as the stuff our heroes are investigating, but I appreciate Sam pointing out that it’s not the same thing as draining bank accounts via computer hacking, at all. I suppose he could’ve just used his hypnosis powers to convince a bank employee to do the bank account draining for him. Dick, however, is very set on this computer business being at the center of things, to the extent that he’s defensively claiming that Mr. Memory needs computers to “plan” his crimes, but while the flashback scene in panel two today is completely wild on a number of levels, at its heart it’s fairly standard tying-people-up-and-holding-cops at gunpoint stuff that doesn’t need, like, an advanced AI to pull off. Maybe Mr. Memory and his gang had a shared Google Doc that they used for brainstorming ambassador-kidnapping ideas, I dunno.

Dennis the Menace, 6/16/22

The thing about this panel is that what Dennis is saying is nonsense. What’s menacing is his attitude. Just standing six inches behind his dad while his father tries to do a little fixy stuff for once, casually sipping his soda from a straw, letting loose with some pointless advice. “You’re a dipshit, dad” is just kind of his whole vibe, you know?

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Gil Thorp, 6/15/22

“Look, I’m only asking this because one of my dumb students put me up to it, but: were you guys in the mob or what? It’s ok, you can tell me. I’m not in the mob. I asked to join, but they said no. I didn’t want to do crimes or anything, they just seemed like cool guys to hang out with, from all the movies and everything.”

Mary Worth, 6/15/22

Folks, you know — you know — that I am Mary Worth lifer at this point. Even before the day I first brought the phrase “Wilbur makes an overture” to the world’s attention (the overture, FYI, was to Iris, a romance storyline that began in the year of our lord 2004), I was all in, and remain entirely tangled with this strip on a personal, emotional, and frankly professional level. But the thing is, when they know you need them, they can go to some pretty out-there places, because they know you have no choice to go there with them. Like “Dawn’s boyfriend is going to dump her for a domestic violence victim he met while he was one of her caregivers at the hospital, because they both named their cats after Star Wars characters, also Dawn is out clubbing with random dudes but he doesn’t know and that doesn’t figure into his calculus.” Pretty grim stuff, man! But I’ve got no other options now. I’ve gotta ride this one as far down as it goes.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/15/22

“Oh, and I also did a bunch of extremely illegal things that they’re gonna put me in prison for. That’s gonna put a crimp in my whole crime-fighting career as well, I guess.”