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Gosh, it seems like the Morgans are about to lose all their savings in a lawsuit, but at least they’ll have their lucrative careers as medical professionals to fall back on! Unfortunately, Rex and June find the day-to-day job of being medical professionals a huge pain in the ass, since it mostly involves dealing with people and their problems. Can you imagine going to the doctor and asking them to look into your potential medical situation that goes a little deeper than just taking your blood pressure and declaring it “fine”? The nerve! Anyway, I sincerely hope that Rex gets a big eyeroll in right before this guy projectile-vomits blood onto him.

Mary Worth, 2/11/22

Objection, Toby’s face is in fact unnaturally smooth in that first panel. There are a few lines in the second panel, though they’re more “This is how human flesh actually works” rather than “Oh no, Toby has turned [REDACTED] and is now a hideous crone.” I’m assuming that in panel one, she’s put a chip clip behind each ear to pull her face nice and taught, to give her a preview of what the surgery will do for her once the poison she’s been slipping into Ian’s scotch finally accumulates to deadly levels and she can pay the surgeon with the insurance money.

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Blondie, 2/10/22

One thing that Blondie absolutely loves doing is to mine broadly appealing cultural events like “the Big Game” for laughs in the most generic way possible, without getting into specifics like what team Dagwood roots for or violating sacred NFL trademarks. Anyway, it’s really too bad that so much of the joke-space of today’s strip is dedicated to that sort of weaksauce bullshit, because I am frankly quite intrigued by the way Dagwood has clearly become extremely and erotically fixated on the forbidden chili in the final panel.

Gil Thorp, 2/10/22

Gil Thorp has somehow made its teen gambling plot, in which Pranit is using his brother’s sportsduke dot com account to accidentally become a bookie, boring, so the girl’s plot is going to have to veer into more traditional troubled youth territory. Are you telling me that some high school seniors at a party might’ve had a third of a can of hard seltzer apiece? Watch out, everybody, we got a new Euphoria on the funny pages today!

Dennis the Menace, 2/10/22

Honestly, you have to really admire that the Mitchells are so dedicated to high culture that they keep coming to this fancy restaurant with a black tie dress code even though Dennis ruins the experience so consistently that the wait staff knows their name. Dennis is never going to be snooty like you, Henry! It’s just not going to happen!

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Mary Worth, 2/9/22

“Yes, it seemed that all hope was lost as I plunged into the cruel sea. But I lifted up a prayer to the Lord above to spare my life. ‘Please, heavenly Father,’ I asked, ‘let me live long enough to go to Toby’s next birthday party!’ Where is the birthday girl, anyway? Oh, she’s crying in the bedroom over her lost youth? Welp, more muffins for me, then, ha ha!”

Mark Trail, 2/9/22

Little does Wilbur know that when he took that plunge off the boat, he tore a hole right in the fabric of his own reality, splitting his soul in two! Sure, one half of him is back in Charterstone, right as rain — but the other, which must carry the weight of his misfortune, now haunts the nightmares of Rusty and all his little friends.

Daddy Daze, 2/9/22

Jeez, I know Daddy Daze has been getting increasingly depressing, but I still think that it’s a real escalation to do a week’s worth of strips where the Daddy Daze baby crushes the Daddy Daze baby by dropping a huge stuffed bear on him, and then the Daddy Daze daddy slowly dies, and then the Daddy Daze baby eventually dies of starvation as well.

Hi and Lois, 2/9/22

“When mommy just parks the car, puts San Diego in the GPS, and just sits there for an hour staring silently through the windshield, eventually sighing and turning the GPS off and going back home real slow? That’s less fun, I gotta say.”