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Dennis the Menace, 4/9/22

If, like me, you have persisted in the stubborn belief against all evidence that the point of Dennis the Menace is that Dennis is a little shit who’s either too mean or too dumb to play by society’s rules, then today’s panel is perfection. I genuinely love everyone’s facial expressions here, which are less comical “Ha ha, that’s our Dennis” and more “Oh fuck oh fuck this little kid ruined a wedding, who even invited him?”

Mary Worth, 4/9/22

Ahh, at last, we’re getting to the true heart of Toby’s discomfort. She managed to snag a drunk old husband who can barely tolerate her and certainly wouldn’t want to have to interact with a child in his own home on a regular basis, which means she’s been given permission to opt out of motherhood. But if she gave in to her forbidden desires for young buck Cal, would he someday seek to sire offspring with her? And, more importantly, would he try to do it in a tree, like a common bird?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/9/22

“No one can know the truth about my mission to raise my arm over shoulder height. This goes against everything the good doctor told me to do, but the stakes are just too high!”

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Folks, it’s your top comment … of the week!

“I have to admit, when I got to Panel 3 (otherwise known as the ‘She said she’ll report me to school management’ verse of Toby’s Lament), I was pretty skeptical. ‘No,’ thought I, ‘there’s no way Helen Moss said something like that. I call foul!’ But when I got to the second to last panel … wow. Egg on my face, let me tell you.” –els

And your runners up! Very funny!

“That looks like an oversized magic wand. Rene is upset because he’s gonna have to watch this guy practice his extremely amateur magic act as they drive around for HOURS.” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

“All Toby has to do to avoid that outcome is get some witness testimony from her students. ‘No, her treatment of Cal isn’t special, she kind of praises everyone.’ Of course, this could lead to a new set of problems as the school asks whether or not she’s a competent teacher, but it’s better to be fired for poor performance than sexual misconduct.” –Tom

“I assume the Rex Morgan, M.D. team is trying to cover up the fact that in 1949 they had actual medical drama, because I know the target audience can’t read the tiny print in that embedded strip any better than I can.” –matt w

“Super disappointed the case didn’t pivot on Slick Smitty going without socks.” –ambignostic, on Twitter

“Here is the context: The bird woman in the act of regurgitating her food to feed her young has realized there is so, so much more to life. Just wait until she goes home and tells her bird husband she’s enrolling in courses at the local community college and that he is going to have to start puking to feed their children. It’s going to be messy in so many ways.” –Joe Momma

“Snuffy may complain all he wants about local infrastructure, but guess who will be the first to have a shotgun in hand when the IRS comes collecting for the new mill levy to fix County Road 12?” –TheDiva

“The owl is not enjoying this! At the time of the Animal Revolution he sent so many humans to the guillotine, but these are the days of Thermidor and crimes and punishment are low stakes. Sometimes even winning the revolution is no fun!” –Ettorre

“Now I get it. That’s a VR bench. I figured those women just allowed him to walk out the door hoping he’d walk into traffic.” –Hibbleton

“I can only assume that ‘finish’ in this context means ‘eat.’”–pugfuggly

“‘We’ve got Flauberto Pert pitching to Chudd Ravel, and we like York Trawber and Whin Juggs too. Orrel Carver, Gammy Gamoo and Reeb Hull in the outfield. Mut Rozzle at third, Flim Patrick at potato and Urgle Hurberly yon flongle…’ It wasn’t until Gil got to shortstop that anyone realized he was having a stroke.” –Truckosaurus

“‘So I’ll be … okay?’ is the response you’d expect from someone who’s been told their cancer is in remission or other chronic illness is, in fact, treatable, not a simple arm injury that probably resulted from too much working out. Clearly there’s a complex and disturbing backstory here but Rex isn’t interested in that. That would mean dealing with emotions.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Gil Thorp Writer: ‘Dallas George. What a name. Strong, masculine, as American as baseball itself. I oughta insert major American cities in character names more often. Hmm, is the very next panel too soon?’” –jenna

“A nightmare indeed. ‘Toby and Cal sittin’ in a tree’ doesn’t scan at all! ‘Cal and Toby’ fits perfectly, you awful students!” –Lawyerbob

“Pretty sure that’s actually Drew padding out the numbers on the far right of Toby’s dream sequence. Not sure what that’s about. Honestly, shocked as anyone to learn there’s multiple layers going on in Toby’s dream, or indeed anything to do with Toby in any way.” –Dan

“It’s the smug look that really sells it here. ‘Yup, saving lots of money at my house, like real God-fearing Americans. Just sitting in the dark … saving money.’” –pastordan

“Rex’s latest patient is an aspiring MMA fighter, so if you’ve always wanted to see what the crowd at a UFC octagon match would have looked like in 1953 you may be in for a treat.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“No! No, I am still not interested in watching anime! I’ve already told the Millennials and now I’m telling you, Moy and Brigman!” –made of wince

“Do the other sports pretty much coach themselves until they are played at a location Gil or his wife have to physically cross to get to the sports they care about?” –Kevin On Earth

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Gil Thorp, 4/8/22

Gil Thorp generally hews pretty closely to the holy trinity of football, basketball, and baseball/softball, but every once in a while it tries another sport out for size and I always appreciate it. Today the Milford baseballers are coming out to support tennis star Charis (?) Tompkins, and going on a journey of learning about when and where it’s appropriate to cheer in different sports. A fun fact is that my niece was a pretty high-level gymnast in high school and I went to one of her meets once and very quickly discovered that you are not supposed to loudly boo your team’s opponents, who knew, ha ha! You can’t blame me, my sole experience with competitive gymnastics at the time was a 2006 Gil Thorp storyline where one little girl just starts punching another little girl in the face in the middle of a meet.

Mary Worth, 4/8/22

Ha ha, yes, this dream sequence is shaping up to be exactly as bananas as I’d hoped! Cal looming erotically/threatening over Toby, staring into nothing with dead heart eyes, while the salmon sky burns behind him? The best part is that it’s Friday and we’re really just getting started, which I hope means we have another solid week of this.

Hi and Lois, 4/8/22

The newspaper comics are essentially an art form created by, and mostly for, those middle aged and older, so a lot of it ends being about how the kids today aren’t as cool as the kids used to be. Normally that’s not my jam, but I gotta admit, when they’re right, they’re right.