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Kids today! They aren’t great

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Blondie, 5/24/21

Ha ha, the kids today! Always getting on the online and becoming millionaires! It’s almost unfair! Used to be you could get rich doing a syndicated newspaper comic strip and making people laugh all over the country! But not anymore! Now you gotta show your naked ass on SnapFans if you want anyone to take you seriously! Is that what you want, America? You want to see the naked ass of the creator of a syndicated newspaper comic strip? Because we’ll do it! We’ll show that ass! And then you can go to hell! You can go straight to hell! Fuckin’ teenagers!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/24/21

“Wow, a man so beloved that he no longer has to deal with his well-wishers as individuals, but can rather bathe in their adulation in the aggregate while his assistants take on the grunt work of actually interacting with other humans? Must be nice. Must be real nice.”

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Try to tell me it makes sense, I dare you

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Dustin, 4/23/21

So the last time I tackled wordplay in a Sunday Dustin comic strip lots of people got mad at me because apparently they think hanger and anger rhyme, so maybe I shouldn’t tempt fate again, but whatever: I can tell by looking at it that this punchline is supposed to be wordplay, but I have no idea what the wordplay is supposed to be. I guess we’re meant to believe “takes it out on approval” is a well-known English phrase we all know and love, maybe? Well, it’s it’s not, but I’m sure a bunch of people are going to chime in telling me it is actually and I’m wrong. Anyway, one of the things about Dustin is that it’s about a generational war between two unlikeable characters, and you have to kind of admire how it makes you dislike whichever one is in the strip on any given day.

Marvin, 4/23/21

Get it? “Cry-Fi”? Because instead of communicating via a local wireless arean network defined by the IEEE 802.11 standards, he’s just yelling? Mercy! That’s pretty funny, of course, but let’s not let it distract us from the main thing here, which is that Marvin’s parents have locked him outside to die of exposure and starvation.

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Sadly, there is no vaccine against the various bird diseases you’ll catch

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Shoe, 5/22/21

Syndicated newspaper comics are, generally speaking, a relic from an earlier age, when there were only three TV networks and the goal for most entertainment was to be as broadly appealing as possible. But now it’s all about finding your passionate niche audience, and the strips are working to adapt. For instance, are you not yet vaccinated against COVID-19 but still open to the idea, and also you’ve always wanted to fuck one of the bird-people from Shoe? Well, today’s strip is for you.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/22/21

NEXT WEEK: REX MORGAN, M.D., PRESENTS: KITTY COP: THE POSTPONENING