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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/21

“Butch Belluso” is of course, Rene Belluso, who once upon a time was Sarah’s art teacher, hired by the mob queenpin who had taken Sarah under her wing and also employed Rene for a little light art forgery. Since he parted company from his erstwhile employers, he’s engaged in a number of scams, like comics fraud and new age flim-flammery and even a little light COVID grifting, so he’s definitely a guy not into “the law” or whatever, but he’s never exactly struck me as the type who’d kidnap anyone, or go out in a blaze of glory in a shootout with the cops, no matter what literary genre he’s situated in. Then again, this is Sarah’s fantasy, so maybe despite her amnesia her subconscious remembers that he once got to order her around, and now she wants him dead from multiple gunshots to the face.

Hi and Lois, 3/17/21

As a fan of Thirsty sticking to his canonical role as this strip’s alcoholic, I’m not troubled by his declaration that he’s “on the wagon” today: his rumpled appearance and his immediate substitution of another chemical fix for his troubles (the raw uncut sugar in Lucky Charms marshmallows) tells me that this isn’t a serious stab at recovery, but rather just another move in his roller-coaster life of hilarious drunkery.

Mary Worth, 3/17/21

Guys, there are few bigger fans of dogs and the work they do than me, but … this is a lot, right? I’m beginning to think that a dog, or maybe a top-flight content marketing agency hired by all dogs everywhere, wrote this.

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Blondie, 3/16/21

I know it can be hard to remember, since his character design is “Dagwood but with slightly smaller antenna and more normal clothes,” but Alexander is supposed to be a teenager! You’d definitely would definitely never get that from today’s strip by itself, since if there’s one thing teenagers don’t do very often, it’s praise old-timey TV genres that are being watched by their dad but in real life would be mostly enjoyed by people thirty years older than their dad. They’re not real observant about cleanliness, either, in my experience!

Shoe, 3/16/21

This strip got me thinking not so much about Roz’s love life as it did about the justice system established by and for the bird-people of Shoe. Specifically, I wondered, what form of execution is visited upon avian-human hybrids sentenced to death for their transgressions? Then I remembered that this has already been answered: the most heinous bird-criminals are cooked and eaten.

Judge Parker, 3/16/21

It has come to our attention that we recently hinted that something interesting, or at least violent, was about to happen in Judge Parker. We sincerely regret the error and invite you to sit back and enjoy this strip’s upcoming long and detailed look into the tax issues that can arise from converting residential or agricultural property to commercial use.

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Slylock Fox, 3/15/21

I’ll save you the trouble of flipping your monitor upside-down and reveal the answer to today’s mystery: Slylock checked Weirdly’s pulse, revealing that his heart was beating at a normal rate and he couldn’t possibly have just finished up some vigorous jogging — and, of course, under Forest Law, invalidating an alibi is the same thing as proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. But the real tragedy here isn’t the usual miscarriage of justice, and it isn’t some lightly singed fur. It’s that Count Weirdly no longer gets a thrill out of his sinister laser-based pranks, or even from doing a quick change into absurd-looking “jogging” gear into to avoid punishment. His usual antics leave him feeling nothing, just dead inside. Maybe he does need some time alone in jail — not as punishment for his mostly harmless “crimes,” but for some self-reflection about what might really get his heart pumping again.

Blondie, 3/15/21

Speaking of people for whom the thrill is gone, I’m not going to say that dressing up in Roman garb and shouting “I am Julius Caesar!” on March 15 is the most obvious way to tell the world that you’re sick of living and want someone else to end it all for you, but it’s got to be reasonably high on the list.

Dustin, 3/15/21

Oh, man, if you’ve grown tired of the endless Boomer vs. Millennial (or, fine, Gen X vs. Zoomer) warfare in Dustin, how about we spice things up by adding Dustin’s dad’s (let’s say) Silent Generation-era dad to the mix! The important question for figuring out the dynamic: Is he an asshole too? All signs point to yes!

Crankshaft, 3/15/21

I sincerely hope that several hours have passed between the second and third panel here. Maybe even a whole day!