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It’s your first comment of the week of the shortest month! Highly anticipated!

“It’s so great that every student has a different expression. As touched as I am by the elephant’s wistful struggle to understand, my favorite is that duck, clearly having to work very hard but utterly determined to Get It.” –Poteet

And your very funny runners up!

“Hagar may be a mass murdering pirate who targets defenseless peasants, but his worst crime? His dislike of Fleetwood Mac.” –Evelyn Waughluigi, on Twitter

“Crock and Outlook are certainly made from the same material (i.e., deleted scenes from March or Die that were left on the cutting room floor for violating sundry international treaties).” –Wayne Ferrebee, on Twitter

“At first I thought Slylock was sitting in the chair backwards to look cool for the kids, but then I realized with his voluminous tail that’s the only way he could sit in the human designed chair.” –nescio

“Feeling called out now for owning commemorative Snuffy Smith® hand towels.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“The real question is: why would Weirdly be throwing soup cans through windows? Petty crimes and vandalism are more Slick Smitty’s department. Weirdly would use the pea soup as blood for the giant vegetable golem he’s constructing in the dungeon of his ominous castle.” –TheDiva

“Despite it’s age, Gasoline Alley still manages to keep current by giving its characters cell phones and making them ‘raise the roof’ periodically.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t know exactly what’s happening here either. But I do know one thing: the lady in the blue T-shirt did not ask.” –Joe Blevins

“I was going to try to craft a joke around a fake doctor wearing a head mirror because all he can think of is the antiquated stereotype, so I thought I would Google up the technical name for them. To my utter disappointment the technical name is ‘head mirror.’ No wonder so many people turn to quackery.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Interesting that ‘License-Grantin’ License’ is the only one with colloquial spelling. I guess they didn’t want to telegraph the joke, but there’s no way Doc Pritchart knows how to spell ‘Optometry.’” –Pozzo

“A true friend will help you set up a gag, no matter how far-fetched. Shoe knows perfectly well the Perfesser has never had a girlfriend.” –Peanut Gallery

“He had muscles in places I don’t even have places! That’s what GMO gets you, man, these massive chickens with eight legs and muscle meat. Me, I’m free range, raised on scotch and Doritos. Quality meat.” –Voshkod

“Kids these days will ‘bust a sag.’ But pluggers ‘bust a sad‘ … ammirite?” –grsblvnyk

“I’d like to point out that the caterpillars in Six Chix are not fuzzy. The Wooly Bear is a fuzzy caterpillar; these are not. The proper punchline would be ‘chilly and pulpy.’” –BeckoningChasm

“‘I might die on the operating table,’ thought Funky, ‘and damn it, I’m not going to have it end here without fulfilling my lifelong dream of committing sexual harassment predicated by stupid word play.’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Somewhere out there a junior brand manager who thought a sponsored name drop in Gil Thorp would be an edgy and cost-effective way to raise Mountain Dew’s brand awareness in a key demographic clears her morning schedule to try and get Neal Rubin on the phone so she can tell him ‘I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I’m certain it’s not what we discussed.’” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I just want to announce that I’ve actually spent time trying to figure out whether the hands on the strollers in today’s Marvin have human-norm four fingers or cartoon-norm three. O, when is this pandemic ever going to end?!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

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Gil Thorp, 2/5/21

“Oh hey! What’s going on in Gil Thorp?” is the question that’s on the mind of a number of people that’s probably literally in the single digits, but all of those people read this blog, so I will do my best to keep them in the loop! Well, it turns out that Corina has a beef with Tessi Milton because Tessi never plays defense, and also is a shallow cool popular girl who probably doesn’t even notice that Corina has a beef with her; also, like all shallow cool popular girls everywhere, Tessi is a whiz at social media and such, and by extension has good ideas for raising the girls’ basketball team’s profile, and one of those ideas is getting Vic Doucette and his wacky antics on the PA system for the girls’ team too. But this has set up a dilemma! Should Vic take on the extra duties and impress a pretty girl? Or should he spend more time with his real friends, his “go-tos”, who are so important to him that they haven’t been seen or mentioned in this entire storyline so far? Once we’ve settled this, we can talk about how root bear should not cause severe jaundice, no matter how much of it you drink.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/5/21

So Helga thinks Hamlet needs to learn about … having sex with plants? I don’t want to judge about this foreign culture, but I’m not so sure about this one.

Marvin, 2/5/21

Ha ha, ladies be shopping, amiright fellas? And fellas … fellas be eating! Ladies presumably gain access to the nutrients they need via some other process. Is it shopping, maybe? We have our best fella scientists working on this and will report back when we know more.

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Six Chix, 2/4/21

Everyone of us, of course, it absolutely goes without saying, is familiar with the phrase “your house is so warm and fuzzy,” the completely normal and indeed beloved English-language idiom that we all know and love. But what if — and stay with me here for this one — what if we took this phrase, whose metaphorical meaning we all understand, and treated it literally? And what literal scenario springs to mind more quickly when you think of a warm, fuzzy house than a nightmarish tangle of enormous caterpillars, writhing in great piles on top of your furniture and yourself! That would indeed be delightfully droll, as their chitinous legs scramble for purchase on your flesh!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/4/21

Speaking of taking metaphorical phrases literally, here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, which I actually enjoyed quite a bit. The key, for me, is that Grimm doesn’t live on a farm at all in the everyday world of the strip. It’s as if he was wandering through the countryside, spotted an open barn door, and thought to himself, “Oh ho, the perfect opportunity to really blow some poor farmer’s mind.” Then he leaned up against the barn and waited, sipping from the cup of coffee he brought with him for just such an occasion.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/4/21

Like every character in the strip that bears his name, Funky long ago learned to deal with the utter misery that permeates his world by suppressing all feelings other than smugness and whatever prompts the endless smirks (also smugness, I guess, though occasionally it’s also pun-recognition). But now that he’s about to go under the knife, he needs to experience a real emotion, for what might be the last time. He’s begging everyone to help him, but neither he nor anyone else knows how to even begin.