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Mary Worth, 10/29/19

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I am very excited to watch the total emotional meltdown our boy Wilbur is going to experience during his double date with Iris and her handsome young stud and, uh, some other lady who’s temporarily slipping his mind right now, probably she’s not very important. The biggest question that we’re going to need answered: when his brain breaks, what form will it take? Will the massive flood of negative feelings be directed outward, at Iris and Zak, leading to him getting kicked out of the restaurant at best and slapped with a restraining order at worst? Or will it all go inward, at himself, leaving his ex and her perfectly nice boyfriend to spend an evening awkwardly consoling him as he weeps loudly into his appetizer? (Estelle at this point will have excused herself to the bathroom, where she’ll escape out the window and flee to the nearby frontage road so she can summon an Uber.)

Blondie, 10/29/19

I guess the joke here is that the only thing that could make it worth Lou’s while to deal with job-killing government regulations is Dagwood’s insatiable appetite. But my initial interpretation, which I find much funnier, is that Dagwood is just now learning that for whatever reason in his town the health department subjects food trucks to much stricter scrutiny than restaurants, so when a food truck parks in front of his office, he’s excited to finally enjoy a lunch that won’t cause him terrible diarrhea.

Dustin, 10/29/19

“Autumn is here … it’s the season for apprehension and dread.”

“You’re thinking about Halloween?”

“No, I’m thinking about how watching the leaves wither and fall from the trees makes me realize that all life is ephemeral, about how winter is coming and how it feels colder in my bones every year as I age, about how I know that while spring comes around again every year, eventually it won’t come around for me. Uh, I mean, pumpkin spice, am I right? So basic! I’m definitely not haunted by visions of my own demise!”

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Family Circus, 10/28/19

Definitely what makes this panel worthwhile is the slight smile, right on the cusp between smugness and cruelty, on Big Daddy Keane’s face. “That’s right,” he’s thinking, as he looks knowingly out of the panel straight at us. “Thel’s out for the night and I’m getting these little shits all hepped up on ice cream and you know what? They fuckin’ love me for it. When they can’t fall asleep tonight because of all the sugar coursing through their veins? That’s Thel’s problem. When they demand ice cream for dinner for the rest of the week? That’s Thel’s problem. Serves her right for leaving the house for two hours!”

Sam and Silo, 10/28/19

Big news, everyone! I’ve been reading Sam and Silo for nearly a year, and I’ve finally learned that the guy with the mustache and the hat and the robe (?) and the bible (???) has a name, and that name is “Funny Floyd.” Still don’t really have a handle on literally anything else about his whole deal but with this piece of the puzzle in place maybe we’re on our way to finally cracking the case!

Pluggers, 10/28/19

GOD DAMN IT PLUGGERS

THESE ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY THREE OPTIONS AVAILABLE TO ANYONE, PLUGGER OR NON-PLUGGER ALIKE, WHEN THEY GET TOO BIG FOR A BELT

THERE IS NO PLUGGER-SPECIFIC CONTENT IN THIS PANEL AT ALL

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/27/19

Maybe it’s because I’m not a parent, but I don’t really understand the “joke” in this strip, which seems like a fairly obvious solution to a relatable problem? Is it because modern-day middle class safety-obsessed parenting would never allow a baby to sit up on a table where he could fall off and hurt himself, even though the simple but wise folks of Hootin’ Holler know that as long as adults are paying attention he’s in no danger? Or is that this is a wonderment to Snuffy and his father because Hootin’ Holler has only recently mastered “chair” technology?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/19

“Oh, so they think we’re not doing enough medical education in this strip?” said the Rex Morgan, M.D., creative team. “What if we just went into great detail about all the different kinds of medical tests you can get? How’s that for medical education, motherfuckers? Are you not edutained?”

Family Circus, 10/27/19

“You can tell by how depressed he looks! His heart is always crushed by grief whenever he’s not doing the one thing that brings him joy — watching professional football on television — and nothing, not even tending to his beautiful house or spending time with his family, can cheer him up.”