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What’s that, you say? Another in a continuing series of Josh’s beloved live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening one short week from today? Yes, a thousand times yes!

Here’s the Facebook event! We’re gonna be talking about male Insta Inspo, game dev drama, how the Holocaust stacks up against popular tourist destinations, and more!

And now: your comment … of the week!

“Look, Chet, it’s quite simple: Chance is our misunderstood teen protagonist, and you’re an interfering busybody adult named ‘Chet’ of all things. You’re not going to win this one.” –TheDiva

Your runners up are also very funny!

“If you want to know how a zombie strip works, look at today Mary Worth. The comic is trying to borrow gravitas from John Lennon, who, despite being dead, is actually two years younger than the Mary Worth strip.” –Ettorre

“So a quick search on Twitter shows that no person or corporation related to Gasoline Alley used this hashtag on their own account on the day it ran. Way to put in less than the minimum effort.” –Glires

“A hundred and one years next month? So the Armistice is signed, the Great War grinds to a halt — and then Gasoline Alley? No wonder the twentieth century was so screwed up.” –Schrödinger’s Droopy

“Gasoline Alley has hashtags, ‘Dummies’ books, the Beverly Hillbillies, the Dumont network, and Three Blind Mice. Are they trying to reference every decade they’ve existed?” –Banana Jr. 6000

I see this Dennis the Menace as even more menacing: ‘I’ve painted a portrait of you, but a better you. A more rebellious you. Dare I say, a more attractive you. I gaze at it in secret — heretofore I haven’t let anyone else see it, especially not my mother, who would destroy it. But I’m letting you see it. Because I want you to take a long hard think about who you could be. [Dennis dramatically rolls the painted shade back up] Now get the fuck out of my room.’” –Ben Ferber

“Pretty sure the sign says ‘Halloween Canceled.’ Any kind of revelry would be dangerously exciting for the people of Santa Royale.” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“Les angrily responding, ‘hero and artist.’” –Dan

“Is that Wilbur? The man who lives next door to me and shares the same group of friends as me? Yikes, what a surprise running into him of all people!” –jroggs

“One thing I have to respect about these two characters: they look about as bored about being in this strip as I am reading it.” –pugfuggly

“As it is everywhere, the correctional facility is solid, regardless of how shabby and deteriorated the surrounding environment: strong steel framing held in place with solid, well-spaced bolts, etc. Could use about twice as many bars, to keep inmates from walking out, but that’s a design problem, not a materials problem.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I don’t want Chet Ballard sexytimes in Gil Thorp, but the narration box for a sports strip should at least try for some awful baseball-themed wordplay. ‘Having struck out with his wife… Chet Ballard pinch-hits with an ally on the school board!’ ‘Having struck out with his wife… Chet Ballard argues about the strike zone with an ally on the school board, who ejects him in humiliating fashion!’ Work with me, narration box!” –matt w

“My advice to you is M.Y.O.B. Mind Your Own Bottle. Because this one is mine, and I need it to get through meetings with idiots like you and Thorp. Ah, sweet booze, carry me away from Milford.” –Voshkod

“How long do you think Wilbur has spent longingly gazing at that shampoo display?” –Schroduck

“When were you planning to go? I want to make sure Zak reserves the entire restaurant for that day, so you’ll be turned away when you arrive and be very embarrassed in front of your girlfriend! I may also have him hire some little kid to come up and knee you in the groin; I haven’t decided yet.” –JJ48

“With Mopey Pete writing the script, Darin drawing the storyboards, Jessica shooting the movie with a hand-held VHS camera, Mason Jarre hamming it up as Les, Marianne ‘I should have jumped off the Hollywood sign’ Winters as Lisa, and Les himself as the guiding spirit behind the production, this cancer movie should be titled Terms of Endullment.” –seismic-2

“Mary Worth proves that it truly deserves its place on the morning funny papers the only way it can: by reminding its geriatric readers to get their flu shots this year.” –pastordan

“Lisa’s story needs to be told the right way … in Esperanto, the universal language. I will absolutely not budge on this issue. ?u ni havas interkonsenton?” –Joe Blevins

“A double date? I have to check with Zak … We might be scheduled for sex at that time! We usually are!” –Thelonious_Nick

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/19

Hey, folks, here’s some Hollywood insider information which, uh, I definitely already knew and didn’t Google just now: as much as a “shopping agreement” sounds like a fake Funky Winkerbean phrase like “vendo” or “solo car date” or whatever, it’s actually a real thing! Basically, an option, which is what Mason proposed to do last week, is when you pay someone a relatively modest sum for the exclusive rights to try to produce a movie within a set period of time, with an agreed-upon larger sum to come if the project actually moves into development — so, for instance, you might get paid $10,000 for a one-year option, and if by the end of the year the production company has been able to make the movie happen, you’ll get paid $100,000, but if not, you can keep the $10,000 and could work with someone else if they’re interested. In a “shopping agreement,” you give someone with more Hollywood connections than you exclusive rights to shop a script around for a set period of time, often with little or no money changing hands and no real guarantee of what you’d get paid if anything happens. According to the Law Offices of Gordon P. Firemark, “the shopping agreement provides the rights owner little certainty, while limiting his/her ability to entertain other offers. The Producer might blanket Hollywood with the project, reducing likelihood that there will be opportunities later, if he/she/it is unsuccessful in setting up the project.” So I’m really rooting for this to end in failure, which, according to panel three, aligns my desires with Les’s, which quite honestly I’m pretty uncomfortable with.

Gil Thorp, 10/25/19

Having struck out with his wife and a fellow school board member in his attempt to keep dangerous rage monster Chance Macy off the Mudlarks, Chet has turned to the only force that can help him: the free press. Unfortunately the Milford print media is part of the town’s tightly-knit elite and Marjie immediately narced to Coach Thorp. Why does Chet trust the fake news instead of reaching out to Marty Moon, the only man in town willing to expose the tough truths? Marty is presumably sitting by the phone right now, waiting for a phone call just like this, very, very drunk.

Mary Worth, 10/25/19

Ah, you know what would help you sort out your feelings about a guy you’re dating but not really sure about? If he, without asking you, turns your date plans into double date plans, with his ex who he’s still transparently hung up on and her hot young boyfriend! I think Estelle will have some pretty firm opinions on whether she wants to continue seeing Wilbur after this!

The Phantom, 10/25/19

ME, A GUY WHO’S READ THE PHANTOM FOR MORE THAN 15 YEARS AND LIKES TO ACT LIKE HE HAS SOMETHING OF A HANDLE ON ITS WHOLE GEOPOLITICAL BACKSTORY AND YET HAS NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON HERE: Uh, yes, it, uh, did have to happen eventually! Yep, armed people bound for Wambesiland! You hate to see it … but you knew it was going happen sooner or later. I think?

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/19

So the big news is that Mason wants to option Les’s book about his dead wife Lisa and turn it into a movie, but doesn’t want Les to write the script, which is a really savvy decision because, as I’ve extensively documented, it was Les’s involvement that caused the previous attempt to make this movie to fail, with presumably large monetary losses for everyone concerned. And Holly, who couldn’t help overhearing because there’s literally nobody else in this cursèd restaurant, wants Les to put his ego aside and help make this movie happen even if he isn’t the credited screenwriter, because it’s crucially important that a movie be made telling the story of those lives that have been touched by cancer, something that’s never, ever, ever, ever been done before.

Mary Worth, 10/24/19

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m glad that you’re still dating a hunky young millionaire! Because I have someone in my life too, and guess what: we’re going to be eating at a restaurant next week. A Thai restaurant. We don’t play by society’s rules!”