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The Phantom, 2/23/20

In the Sunday Phantom storyline, our hero is taking his daughter on a trip down memory lane (if you’re a Phantom or Phantom-adjacent, a “trip down memory lane” is your dad reading from a musty old journal while you sit in a creepy cave full of tombs) to teach her about her heroic Phantom ancestors. Did you know the 13th Phantom helped defeat Napoleon? This might seem a little far afield from the Phantom’s remit to fight against piracy, but surely by aiding the British and their Empire this hero helped defend his African home … wait, what’s that you say? Well, hmm, maybe he would’ve been smarter to let the French win, and … huh, that wouldn’t have helped either? Well gosh, our hero certainly was in a pickle, wasn’t he. Might as well stick it to Napoleon, I guess!

Funky Winkerbean, 2/23/20

I’ve always found the title Mozart In The Jungle to be so goofy that I’ve worked hard to learn as little as possible about the show, just because I want to savor that name out of context. But now? Now that I’ve seen Holly suggest it as tonight’s viewing, as she flashes bedroom eyes at Funky? Now it’s forever tainted to me. I still don’t want to learn anything about the show, but mainly because I fear it will cause me to have reason to think back upon today’s Funky Winkerbean, which can only depress me.

Beetle Bailey, 2/23/20

Beetle will only be satisfied by the eternal darkness … of the grave.

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Mary Worth, 2/22/20

Ha ha, yes! This is definitely how humans consume and enjoy media! They show each other trailers for parody movies that definitely exist but that they don’t identify by actual title by holding their phones in portrait mode a full foot away from each other! Then they declare their eagerness to pay to see these media products in a theater environment! This movie can’t miss with today’s tech-savvy young people!

Family Circus, 2/22/20

PJ is right to be afraid: this is an absolutely terrifying moment, when the Keane Kids begin to realize that their entire universe is a constructed reality, that they are nothing more than fictional characters created for the passing amusement of beings they couldn’t possibly comprehend on another plane of existence. Today we can see that, as they grapple with this realization, they’ve reached the “bargaining” phase, desperately — and naively — hoping that if they really do live in a comics dimension, it might at least be one of the cool ones.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/22/20

Have you ever yearned for a comic strip that consisted entirely of an unpleasant person muttering impenetrable comics collector jargon to himself? Well, today’s Funky Winkerbean is for you, my friend.

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Happy Friday all! Your COTW in a moment, but first, fun fact: I’m actually going to be in a live LA comedy show that’s not my show in a week and a day! If you’re in or near North Hollywood on Leap Day, check me out on the always wacky Late Late Breakfast at 5 pm! Whee!

But you don’t have to wait that long for your comment of the week!

“I wonder how many variations of the phrase ‘No really, I have a boyfriend in France’ Dawn has rehearsed trying to find one that sounds plausible to herself, let alone other people. Because she needs to try at least one more.” –Francisco Arrowroot

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“Literally the entire last week of Mary Worth was Hugo and Dawn declaring how they love each other and are committed to making this long-distance relationship work while Wilbur does everything possible to rain on their parade, usually by repeating some variation on ‘You live in different countries, though.’ I did not suffer through that just to see Wilbur proven right.” –Joe Blevins

“Check out the window in the background. Fozzie Bear has seen some shit.” –Lee Sherman

“Even weirder with Dennis The Menace is that it’s a federal holiday, so the mailman has no business delivering anything today. Maybe he just wants to randomly hang out with Mr. Wilson too.” –jeltranksss

“You never met my father. Neither have I. [Sobs uncontrollably]” –Ettorre

“In Dorkworld, a popular flirting ritual consists of a female’s impressing a potential mate by demonstrating that she can eat a slice of pizza while balancing it on her fingertips. ‘How delicate and skillful!’ thinks the male dork. Look for more details in an upcoming Sunday Mark Trail strip.” –seismic-2

“Now that we’ve talked for an hour, and he’s sure to be frozen to death, let’s call in a helicopter. I need to get home and pontificate about the internet some more. Mingma! Bring me my secure flip phone! Yes, Genie, justice has been done tonight.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“I like the way the narration box in Mary Worth pointedly describes Dawn as settling into a quiet booth and studying, rather than her actual activity of scanning the pizza place looking for anyone she might be able to talk to or flirt with to avoid having to actually doing her homework.” –Thelonious_Nick

“I refuse to believe a malapropism-obsessed man named Crankshaft does not want sex. It opens whole new vistas of uncomfortable wordplay.” –Dan

“Quick, we have to loot all of his insulin before he returns, we can sell it for hundreds of dollars a dose in the U.S.!” –DevOpsDad

“Props to Rex Morgan, BTW, for capturing that look in panel two where she’s clearly contemplating murdering Rex just to escape this conversation. Really really nailed it.” –toxic

“I gotta think about whether I’d rather see that lug again or just clean up by taking you to court for this gross violation of ethics and privacy. After all, I could use the dough, but I’ll admit I’m a little curious about his hair now.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“Maybe the point of this story is that Harvey becomes the very yeti he was looking for, lost in the mountains whistling to himself and he tries to reclaim his lost leg. That’s be a pretty epic twist! Sure, the timeline wouldn’t actually make any sense at all, but then his thing is social media and they like to show things out of order anyway so that’s just extra commentary.” –pachoo

“My theory that Six Chix is drawn by vampires in an attempt to normalize their horrible lifestyle continues to hold up. Look at them. Children of the night. What horrible art they make.” –Voshkod

“I wasn’t expecting Mark Trail to turn into a supervillain origin story. That’s right, folks. Dr. Camel will take this opportunity to reinvent himself as … Dr. Icing! The diabetic supervillain with some kind of … sugar/snow theme going on? I’m not sure. Haven’t really thought it through, but considering he already went from ‘Losing a leg to diabetes’ to ‘Attacked by a Yeti,’ I doubt he’ll put much thought into his new persona, either.” –WLP

“It sure is hilarious how so many young people have a serious problem with addiction to technology and lack of human interaction, while we adults just enable them and laugh! Ha ha!” –JJ48

“Pluggers are not dying to try a new restaurant. What the hell is this.” –matt w

“Is Dennis promoting the patriarchy by gendering ‘mailer daemon,’ or promoting anarchy by rejecting ‘postmaster’?”” –KevinR

“‘Tonight you’re a menace. When you see an opening–’ ‘I … report an opening?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

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