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Shoe, 5/23/25

This strip would be — well, not funny, exactly, but it would at least make some sort of sense if the Perfesser was married, which to the best of my knowledge (derived from a literal lifetime of reading the syndicated newspaper comic strip Shoe, oh my god I’ve wasted my life) he … isn’t? Unless his wife is unseen and unmentioned, and living in some room in his home that nobody goes into, which would make that already depressing house way way more depressing.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/23/25

TIRED: In the absence of defense attorneys, the government’s police power will range unchecked, with the regime being able to put disfavored individuals into prison on a whim

WIRED: “I would prefer not to go to jail” is an impulse for which a rational market exists, and if market participants are willing to expend resources to fulfill that desire, even in the absence of defense attorneys, someone will step up to provide a counterparty

Archie, 5/23/25

I love how shocked and indignant Pops looks in the third panel here. How can you young people just let your days slip away from you like this, without drinking in every minute of your wild and precious teenagerhood? You’ve got to live, kids, live!

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Archie, 5/22/25

I dunno, Jughead, that looks more like blood to me. Presumably the LORD will be passing through to smite all those who harbor Archie in their house, and Mr. Lodge is making it clear that He should pass over the Lodge mansion, as it is Archie-free. Bad luck for Archie’s parents, I guess.

Dick Tracy, 5/22/25

“Dick Tracy” is kind of a funny name, but I think that if the comic strip didn’t exist and you were introduced to someone by that name, it wouldn’t cause you to pause and repeat it back with an “um” before it, like you think it’s weird. Especially if your name is “Icarus Lovejoy”! C’mon, man! Icarus Lovejoy!

B.C., 5/22/25

I can’t believe Johnny Hart’s heirs have allowed mention of the metric system in his beloved comic strip. I don’t care if you need to use “meter” to make the Fast and Furious wordplay work! We all know the metric system is the thin edge of the wedge of tyrannical one-world government and must be stopped at all costs.

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Heathcliff, 5/21/25

Real heads who read Heathcliff daily know that most weeks have a theme of some sort — “dirt week”, “garbage week”, and so forth. This week is “sunflower week,” and the way it’s unfolded is a pretty good demonstration of how the current delightfully deranged iteration of Heathcliff works. Monday’s panel was pretty normal, all things considered: Heathcliff and a baseball manager are sitting in a dugout, Heathcliff is spitting sunflower seeds the way baseball players do, there are a bunch of very tall sunflowers (normal sunflowers without human faces, mind you) growing in the dugout, taking up most of the room, and the manager says “No more chewing sunflower seeds.” You could see a version of this as a New Yorker cartoon. But things have escalated: today Heathcliff is standing in the outfield, summoning a grinning, sunglasses-wearing spirit, the so-called “Genie of the Sunflower Seeds,” from his snack packet. And it’s only Wednesday! Imagine how much weirder this could potentially get!

Mary Worth, 5/21/25

Is it, Belle? Is it cute that Wilbur is admitting, right in front of Willa, that originally he liked Stellan better, and now considers Willa his “best little buddy” only because Stellan died? Because I don’t think that’s cute at all, actually. I think it’s pretty fucked up.

The Phantom, 5/21/25

Some might criticize the continuity strips for their glacial pacing, especially strips that are supposed to be about superheroic action. But if The Phantom were fast-paced, could it afford to spend an entire strip on Kit’s erotic reverie? That’s not a tradeoff I’m willing to make!