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Mary Worth, 4/6/19

Hmm, it seems that “Arthur Z”‘s supposed full name is in fact “Arthur Zerro,” aka A. Zero! It’s like he’s leaving little breadcrumbs to make the fact that he’s a scam artist and a loser obvious. Presumably he’s undermining his own grift because deep down he despises himself and wants to be caught, which is lucky for our heroes because that’s pretty much the only way this crew of dingbats is going to actually catch him.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/6/19

You know, Funky Winkerbean isn’t just about jokes that one character tells and then another character doesn’t get it because it’s too obscure or poorly worded. Sometimes it’s about jokes that one character tells and then another character understands it perfectly fine but doesn’t appreciate it because it’s actually pretty condescending.

Crankshaft, 4/6/19

Crankshaft is a fun comic strip about a middle aged couple and how they deal with an elderly parent living with them! The way they cope is by becoming alcoholics.

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It’s the first Friday of the month, folks, and you know what that means: you should come see my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, TONIGHT!

Here’s the Facebook event! Click, learn more, attend, enjoy!

And, here: enjoy your comment of the week!

“Wait, is the worry that Nancy is going to get bullied by the jocks for liking nerd stuff, or by nerds for blogging about female superheroes? Is Gil going to have to learn the phrase ‘toxic fandom culture,’ or just mouth it quietly and in contempt before angrily throwing someone a football.” –Dan

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Since dogs communicate largely by urine, I don’t think what Josh assumes Otto means by ‘streaming‘ old TV stories is necessarily what Otto means.” –Shrug

“I never thought I’d be saying this, but you know who gives better advice than a cat? Mary Worth. Get advice from Mary Worth rather than your cat, folks! She may talk way too much, but at least she talks.” –BigTed

“Henry David Thoreau was a chump! Give me money any day! You think you can buy pond-front property in Massachusetts with truth? Think again, bitch!” –Joe Blevins

“I’ll give Batuik this: he’s perfectly depicted how awkwardly someone like Crazy Harry would try to change the subject if a woman came into his shop talking about the menopause.” –Schroduck

“Ok, one thing bugs me here: there is no way that Rex would come home and recount some of his story to his family. I think the minute June asks him how the trip was, he would recount every last detail in sequential order, like a cash register spitting out receipts at the end of the day.” –pugfuggly

“It breaks my heart to see Rex’s wife and blond son try to coax some kind of physical affection out of him while he sits like he’s posing for his Supreme Court portrait.” –Jenna

“If someone ever said to me, ‘I’m curious why Funky Winkerbean is considered to be almost as insufferable as a decade of famine, yet I’m unwilling to read more than one single strip to find out,’ I can just point them to 4/1/19. This is as Funky as it gets. We’ve got unlikable characters, terrible jokes flailing for some kind of wordplay just out of reach, worship of nerd culture, legally-questionable appropriation of copyrighted intellectual properties, unnecessarily disgusting references to aging, reminders of the grim march towards death, in-universe reference onanism, and of course self-impressed smirking. The only thing seemingly missing is the desperate award-bait pandering, but it’s just Monday so let’s give the plot a couple days to take shape.” –jroggs

“Back in the day, you could go to the local video store, go through the saloon-style half-doors in the back of the room, and pick up a cassette of ‘Looper’s Load Lovers VIII‘ to rent for three fun-filled days (and nights!).” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Check out how the part in Jeff’s comb-over switches to the right side of his head in the last panel. Is the tight framing in the first two panels meant to indicate that he was rehearsing this little speech in a mirror? Or, more likely, recording it with his phone for a web series where he stars as ‘Jeff,’ a super cool guy who is definitely liked and valued by his co-workers, respected by his son, and amazingly supported by his life-partner ‘Jenny?’” –JJ

“‘It’ll be hot out there!‘ Doc remarks prior to a trek into the desert. You can see why this family is known as the nature experts.” –TheDiva

“Jenny ignores Jeff and wordlessly continues to update her Match.com profile.” –Lionheart

“Man, it looks like someone hung Carmen Sandiego out to dry. Like, literally, she’s been in the sun too long, her colors have faded.” –Proteus454

“‘Fly up a rope?’ Lady, the only superpower Dick Tracy needs is his Super Lack of Judicial Oversight.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Molly has some serious ‘leave me out of this‘ head action going on in panel 3.” –Pozzo

“Just noticed that whatsherface keeps turning to look out the window whenever the flight attendant arrives, pretending that she doesn’t know the old asshole sat next to her. I can’t stand a lot of Batuik’s trademark stuff — the terrible wordplay, his raging cancerection — but I love that he puts the work into letting you know that all his characters hate each other and themselves.” –Rosstifer

“Now, if Rex Morgan was really a soap opera strip, and had any storytelling chops, Rex would open that bag to find five kilos of Afghan black-tar heroin, two recently fired dueling pistols, and a human hand. Then a jump-cut to a grimy warehouse in an unspecified urban center. A grim-looking thug opens his bag to find golfing clothes and a business card for ‘Rex Morgan, M.D.’ And a new storyline begins.” –Voshkod

“[the next day] Mary, I think this guy‘s better than I expected. I’m going to need your help recovering twenty grand and the deed to my condo before Ian gets home tonight.” –JJ48

“Ever the epicure, Mary knows nothing pairs better with a lettuce bagel sandwich than a refreshing glass of abstract art.” –Irrischano

“Mark fixes the shop owner with a steely glare. His right fist tingles. Yes … soon, my pet, you will feel the stubble of this obvious miscreant on your mighty knuckles, he thinks.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

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Mary Worth, 4/5/19

Ahhh, Toby’s great internet scam adventure, who could forget it? Back in 2008, the Dark Time before internet video streaming, Toby tried and failed to find a DVD about Scotland because she can never think of what to get Ian for his birthday, so she ordered it from the extremely real website enormoushop dot com but then subsequently fell for a painfully obvious phishing scam and her card was misused by northern criminals. She was devastated despite suffering no harm whatsoever, and worried that Ian was going to leave her for being stupid, but it turned out that he didn’t care, like at all. What we didn’t know was that this was Toby’s superhero origin story, and she subsequently dedicated her life to becoming extremely good at computers. So watch out, “Arthur Z”! No matter where you hide in the most disgusting corners of the Dark Web, Toby will find you! [Toby pulls out her 2011 Dell laptop and begins typing: “G … O … O … G … G … wait, that’s one too many Gs, I think”]

Mark Trail, 4/5/19

While most people looking for gold probably are more interested in physical equipment, like pickaxes and stuff, I have to admit that if you’re specifically trying to find a magical disappearing gold mine that a mysterious stranger led you to years ago, you would want a guy who specializes in the lore side of the mining business.