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Your comment of the week! Here it is! The best one! I decree it!

“Yesterday we learn today is World Sleep Day, and today Dagwood is celebrating by not only being conscious at work, but also actively good at his job? He’s not even putting people to sleep with his presentation! #NotMyDag” –Drew Funk

And your runners up! Also very funny!

“I was going to complain about the ‘Elsewhere’ narration suggesting that the kidnappers immediately manifested at Warbucks’ place, but the business about it being 8 o’clock makes clear that they did immediately manifest at Warbucks’ place. Are Sirob and Warbucks working out of the same building? That’ll make for some awkward elevator conversation.” –matt w

“[crossing off ‘Hawaii’ and ‘Arizona excluding the Navajo Nation’ on my massive conspiracy board of where the Flagstons live]” –Schroduck

“The saddest day of my life was the time I didn’t realize it was the day I needed to adjust my clocks until I read Hi and Lois. I swear, if I ever learn anything from Dustin I’m walking into a forest never to interact with civilization again.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The real crime mystery is who stole Slick Smitty’s nipples.” –Baja Gaijin

“God the look on that beaver’s face is bleak. And for good reason: even his pre-‘event’ ancestors were hydraulic engineers, and here he is sweeping out chimneys like a common squirrel. Looks like the revolution didn’t pan out for everyone.” –pugfuggly

“I also thought it was Jeffy speaking the first line, and that the woman had a great comeback. Adults should get a chance to say a darndest thing once in a while, too!” –Peanut Gallery

“How exactly do you know someone’s dead in Judge Parker? Because stiff, wooden and cold ain’t exactly a dividing line here.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“It’s either this or a gun obsession. Yay?” –taig

“The elevator inspector’s face looks like it’s tired of telling the gasoline lobbyists that, yes, while it’s technically possible to create a lift that is powered directly by fossil fuels, ventilation safety and the absolutely certaint carbon monoxide poisoning mean he cannot approve it and they must use electricity. That is the spark that broke the stranglehold of gasoline on this backward city.” –Philip

“Todays Mary Worth is giving me a definite ‘Recently-retired readers! Are you in a black depression because, absent your former work, your life lacks structure and purpose? Have you considered a hobby?’ feeling.” –Ken

“At last, the kind of wrestling I’m used to seeing on TV. If they start smashing each other with folding chairs, this will finally be an amateur sport worth watching. ‘Can you smell what the [public school student who probably took this up just to get out of running drills in gym class and now might be arrested for attempted manslaughter] is cooking?!!!’” –BigTed

“The word’s also out that the only sexually available female at Camp Swampy loves Rodgers and Hammerstein. Tomorrow: Killer, Plato, Rocky, and Zero perform ‘There is Nothing Like a Dame,’ and get court-martialed for being waaaay out of uniform.” –ValdVin

“Are we sure these three characters just like to sleep? We have a middle-aged man stuck in a dead-end job with an abusive boss, a soldier without career advancements with a physically abusive sergeant, and a cat trapped indoors without stimuli. Maybe they are all just clinically depressed.” –Ettorre

“Here’s the thing that bothers me. If the ‘slug’ in ‘slugfest’ refers to literal slugs, rather than slugging someone, there’s nothing in there that suggests it’s a fight at all. Would this be funnier if these bewildered boxing fans were instead watching a crowd of slugs partying it up at SlugFest of the Century, the centennial gastropod convention? Perhaps not, but it wouldn’t be any less funny either.” –Horace Broon

“You have to sympathize with Harry here. It’s pretty hard to get it up when your spouse cannot get through a simple act of procreation without rambling about cheap places to buy abandoned children.” –jroggs

“They’re in the business of old-timey presentation paperboards and pointing sticks. And business is … not good.” –Bill Loguidice

“I recognize that car — it’s a TP Cruiser.” –Dyna Moe

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Dick Tracy, 3/15/24

“Orphans are disgusting and deserve their fate! Can you imagine if we brought one into our home?”

Blondie, 3/15/24

“…he’d let Dag branch out into snack machine sales!” “Really!” “Ha ha! Yep! Say, if you had to put it into a few words, what would you say this company does? Do we sell snack machines? I’ve been working here for six months and I still don’t know, and that presentation didn’t clear it up.”

Rhymes With Orange, 3/15/24

Hey, everyone! You ever fantasized about shitting out the back of a moving car? Well, today’s comics are here to tell you: you are normal. Congrats!

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Blondie, 3/14/24

Dagwood Bumstead’s inhumanly vast appetite is so well known that it obscures one of his other unnatural qualities — namely, his ability to nap anywhere, at any time. As a middle-aged man like Dagwood, every time I see him in his traditional couch-sleeping position I think about how I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with my knees bent up like that for more than few minutes, let alone the hours we’re supposed understand he spends snoozing. Normally he’s in that position because his couch is too short for him to stretch out, so it actually really bothers me that his imagination can’t summon up a couch long enough to fit him, Beetle, and Garfield alike, even thought I know the reason why (the reason is clip art). Thankfully, this base level of annoyance is stopping me from trying mentally rotate Beetle into a position that would demonstrate how very much not the same size he and Dagwood are.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/14/24

Look at the bear’s face! It’s not “dancing” at all. Any bear-themed entertainment aimed at an audience of bloodthirsty Vikings is absolutely going to end with the bear eviscerating its poor “dance partner,” just like the “dancing school” Hagar attended was actually the Viking war band that plundered half of Europe, where he learned his skills in the “dance” of combat before killing his chieftain and taking his place.

Pardon My Planet, 3/14/24

I guess I can imagine that some people who showed up to an advertised “slugfest” would be disappointed if the fighters were not ordinary human beings, but rather freakish ten-foot-long slug-beasts of a kind unknown to science. But I think most of them would be OK with it.