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Dick Tracy, 5/18/19

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that the new storyline of Dick Tracy once again involves dipping back into the comics nostalgia well, with Little Orphan Annie being dragged back from comics purgatory to dance for our throwback amusement. Why not Brenda Starr, another dormant property who is owned, like Annie and Dick Tracy, by Tribune Content Agency, and who’s also a reporter, which would let us get into all sorts of First Amendment issues with the not-real-into-civil-liberties police force of Neo-Chicago? But, no, I guess we’re gonna see Little Orphan Annie trying to integrate her way into Honeymoon’s social circle, hanging out with notorious crime family relative “Ugly” Crystal and … Kandikane Lane, who is, I have always assumed, an adult? And old enough that it’s just “off-putting” and not “creepy and legally actionable” that she’s partners with a man old enough to be an old-timey movie star? Anyway, more on all this as developments warrant, which will hopefully be never.

Family Circus, 5/18/19

Note that Billy here is in fact the guy with the ball. There can be only one explanation of why he’s still alive: Billy killed all those other kids as they tried to kill him. Billy is a smiling, triumphant murderer, walking back into his home with blood on his hands but no guilt in his heart.

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Top comment of the week: YOU KNOW IT BABY

“Also, don’t shoot because I’m a talking deer who appears to have human-level intelligence! You could have just asked me to stop eating your flowers, or put up a sign that I would have been able to read, just as I read the label on that bottle! But no! You just went straight for the poison!” –Rosstifer

Runners up: HERE THEY ARE FOR YOU TO ENJOY

“‘And now you’re out ten thousand dollars, and left with a broken heart! You have to report him! For the money, I mean. Any way you look at it, the broken heart is your own fault.’ ‘But you said no judgment!’ ‘Yes. I was criticizing you for having no judgment. Did you think I meant I wasn’t going to judge you? I was clearly pointing at you when I said it.’” –A Concerned Reader

“Old jungle saying or detergent slogan? You be the judge!” –TheDiva

“This is another comic where the throwaway panels make it a totally different story. Up top, we see how Cookie and Alexander were really looking forward to this. They’d put a lot of thought and effort into their Mother’s Day surprise. This was important to them. Only with that context do we realize that, in the last panel, they’re dying inside, with false smiles plastered on their faces.” –Joe Blevins

“Hi, Dad! You still alive? Cayla hasn’t killed you yet? Oh, well.” –Schrödinger’s Droopy

“It should be pretty difficult to time an annual phone call that precisely. Either Les and Summer have been practicing their timing, or else hours have passed between the second and third panel, as Les gestures in increasing discomfort toward the phone that should ring at some point that day.” –JJ48

“Oh, what a time that was! The boys got the eggs out of the fridge — and then — [both gasping with laughter] — and then we had to put them all back!” –Peanut Gallery

“Locating his shins to kick is quite the accomplishment.” –Rusty

“I think maybe Elmo is leaving out the part where his ‘high-tech crush‘ is sexting him and then later retrieving his phone to delete the evidence. Elmo realizes it’s for the best Dagwood doesn’t know what a sext is, or else Blondie would be getting a lot of NSFW photos of sandwiches.” –Marcus Theory

“Curtis’s generation wants NEW stories, like Captain America and Iron Man.” –Chyron HR

“‘Kids today just don’t understand the simple ways to enjoy life,’ says Greg, kicking back on the couch with a relaxing sip from his ice-cold can of green beans.” –jroggs

“Starting a GoFundMe today to double the salary of whoever is still churning out this comic (what would that be, like, ten bucks a week?) if they’ll put Frank Nelson at the end each and every strip saying, ‘I don’t get it.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“‘Just extras‘ says the character who’s primary job in the strip is to set up punchlines for a sun-worshipping baby.” –Guillermo el Chiclero

“Look at the way Jeffy is cupping his hand against his mouth there: do you figure he’s stage whispering or all out yelling across the table? I’m figuring the latter, as a result of his pudding mania.” –pugfuggly

“Unless the guy who drew the map likes playing cruel practical jokes, or had a vendetta against you personally, or was simply extremely incompetent … any number of reasons, really! You can’t trust anybody and anyone could betray you at any time! But at least you’re not crazy.” –Navigator

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Family Circus, 5/17/19

God, I honestly love Big Daddy Keane’s whole deal here. He looks beaten down by life, his facial expression numb and his tie just a little loose and disheveled, and mostly what he wants to do is take that spoon he’s holding delicately in his big, meaty mitt and just go to town on that enormous bowl of chocolate pudding. Look at all that pudding! That’s like a soup bowl’s worth of pudding! And it’s his due, as the family breadwinner. Jeffy sticking his grubby face into his peripheral vision is just pissing him off. Let the man eat his pudding in peace, Jeffy.

Six Chix, 5/17/19

I also enjoy today’s Six Chix, because based on the dialogue you’d expect the speaker to be sort of heavy-lidded and languorous, just dully shoving cookie after cookie into her mouth and barely tasting them, but in fact she’s staring at a half-eaten cookie wide-eyed with anxiety, as if she can’t fully articulate what mania is causing her to keep eating them. Her boyfriend is asleep, or maybe dead.

Mark Trail, 5/17/19

“Boy, am I glad we found Skull Mountain!” is the sort of thing a guy says, ironically, right before he gets killed by a bunch of spooky, evil skeletons.