Metapost: Comedy to-night, plus COTW to-day!
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Hey all! If you are in the great city of Los Angeles, you should check out my live comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud! If you’re reading this online (hint: you are), you already love the Internet, so why not come watch it be … read aloud????? 8 pm at the Clubhouse in Los Feliz, with an amazing lineup of performers, about whom you can learn more here, at the Facebook event! Please come, it’s fun and it’s free!
Also fun and free: your comment of the week:
“Sawtooth, did you leave a man to freeze to death while fully dressed in what I can only imagine is a 100% polyester trenchcoat?” –Bunivasal
And your runners up: extremely enjoyable, at no charge!
“This is the first time we’ve seen Ian properly since Mary Worth got new artists, right? Because I want to go on record as saying that I 100% approve of the decision to give him the chinbeard to end all chinbeards. It perfectly suits the kind of man who would bellow ‘Fabulous news, my friend‘ at someone who doesn’t even seem to be his friend.” –Schroduck
“If there’s a ploy to get into Dawn’s pants more blatant than pretending to be interested in Wilbur, even for a few seconds, I don’t know what that might be.” –Joe Blevins
“It’s so fitting that Mary Worth invokes Joseph Campbell here, as Wilbur is now in the final stage of his Hero’s Journey, the return to the ordinary world. In this case he is accompanied by his spirit guardian (as Campbell noted, these often take the form of ‘a little old crone’) and can bestow on his fellow man the wisdom he has gained, in the form of ‘Ask Wendy’ columns.” –ratnerstar
“Man, look at Loweezy’s sly grin in the second panel. That’s the face of a woman who knows pneumonia is about to ease her burdens.” –TheDiva
“Los Angeles, where the laptops are big and beautiful — and I’m not talking about the computers! (Wait, I am talking about the computers — that thing is enormous.)” –BigTed
“If it’s the James Bond copyright lawyers, you’ve never heard of me, capisce?” –Horace Broon
“I’ve never noticed it before, but now will never unsee it: the inside of the Beetle Bailey character’s ears are all the same serifed lower case a. 13th century Florentines had a folk belief that God had signed his creation with the words OMO DEI using their eyes, brows, ears, nostrils, and mouth, but whatever God that Walker-Browne Amalgamated captured decades ago just uses its much more limited powers of to scream for help: AAAAAAAA” –AlexanderHammil
“In any case, Sarge seems happy to hear the enemy is coming. This chance is probably why he signed up. After decades of waiting in camp, with only the abuse of subordinates to break the monotony, finally there will be a chance of real action, of combat, of blood. There will be much worse than a swollen ear before he stops.” –pachoo
“Is ‘a soft heart‘ mommy talk for congenital valve defect? Is that what caused the rapid aging?” –Rusty
“I’m sure Wilbur is going to be thrilled with the single slice of microwaved cake Mary has arranged the servers to parade out after dinner to the melody of an off-brand Happy Birthday song.” –Escape Zeppelin
“I’ll give him this much: whether he’s regular Peter Parker or The Amazing Spider-Man, he excels at Not Doing A Job.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
“I’m not entirely cognizant of the entire Mary Worth universe, but doesn’t Wilbur fall ass-backwards into every job he’s ever had? Which means there’s a 100% chance Wilbur will be scouted by some music industry guy at this karaoke bar and end up getting offered a contract to sing professionally. This will lead to a whirlwind of excitement for Wilbur, culminating in his getting to guest-host the Charterstone version of The Voice, briefly date the REAL Sofia Vergara, and finish the whole story arc with a one-man ‘jukebox’ musical called I Shouldn’t Be Alive: The Wilbur Something-Or-Other-Story [forgot Wilbur’s last name, too enthralled with my vision of Wilbur’s musical to take time to look it up]. The highlight of the off-Broadway show is that they recreate Wilbur’s actual shower on stage, complete with the twenty years of hair he’s never cleaned from the drain.” –Briane Pagel
“Uh, did Wilbur mention his singing in the shower to Mary, or did she just accidentally confirm the existence of her extensive Charterstone Monitoring System?” –pugfuggly
“The only way this story could have a happy ending is if Wilbur sings ‘Alone Again, Naturally.’ They can construct a real tower on the stage for him to throw himself off of during the finale.” –AhClem
“Judging by the lack of any ribbons or awards on the guy’s uniform, I’m guessing he’s never even served on a ship, and is therefore unlikely to be visiting numerous ports and collecting girls in each of them. So not only is he bragging about his philandering to minors who aren’t even interested in girls, but everything he’s telling them is an outright fabrication. This may well be the most depressing character I’ve encountered in the comics in a long time.” –JJ48
“[Mary, thinking:] ‘Confidant?’ That’s presumptuous. I’ll listen to your delicious secrets, true, but you can’t expect me not to repeat them or use them to gain power and influence. That’s just what one does with secrets, Wilbur.” –Enlong
“‘If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?’, croons Wilbur, as ladies’ nether garments start to accumulate on his comb-over, the radiant heat from the stage lights having turned his slick, rock-hard Dupont hair reinforcement into a soft, waxy adhesive.” –Deacon Blues
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