“Well, at least Dagwood is supplying helmets without face guards that would slow down his and his guests’ eating.” –nescio
“Aeschylus was killed when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his head. Dirk(‘s hope of getting laid) was killed when Dawn dropped a bowling ball on his foot. This is accidentally the most high-brow reference Mary Worth has ever made.” –Schroduck
“Jess dutifully records a zero for Dawn’s bowl.” –Hibbleton
“The throwaway panels reveal that Dagwood Bumstead descends the stairs at an angle that can only be called alarming. He might genuinely need that helmet.” –Joe Blevins
“Tell Himself thanks, but we’re Chicago cops. We weren’t paying anyway.” –Rube
“And God spoke to Dolly, saying, ‘What hast thou done with Billy, and with Jeffy, and with P.J.?’ And Dolly answered unto Him, ‘Am I my brothers’ keeper? Isn’t that why they’re supposed to make those dashed lines to mark their path?’” –But What Do I Know?
“I love how that punchline is delivered as flat and emotionless as possible. He’s attained a higher level of assholeness, not restrained by emotion or desire.” –pugfuggly
“Crankshaft’s dead-eyed expression is a reminder that his puns (using the term in the loosest possible sense) are not deliberate attempts at wit but the result of his precipitous cognitive decline. This man is regularly responsible for children’s safety!” –TheDiva
“Unless Dirk breaks his stride, he’s going to step right into the GMC Generica that’s parked exactly one foot from the bowling alley entrance. Then his foot is going to hurt even more.” –Bob Tice
“Pluggers use pet names because they are literally pets — the descendants of animals who replaced the humans before them. While they took ‘names,’ what they really react to is tones of voices, and an encyclopedic memory of what sounds mean food, baths, or walkies.” –Philip
“I think Dennis should be more upset that Alice prepared precisely one meatball for three people, and isn’t sharing. And no sauce. Frankly, she deserves the Menacing this time.” –Dmsilev
“Leroy ordered the burgers unwrapped in the mistaken belief that they’d be cheaper.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip
“When Jughead experiences pain, his friends go through a range of emotions. Betty is obviously delighted, while Archie is also delighted but with a little dash of anger that his warning was ignored. Jughead’s friends hate him, I guess is where I’m going with this.” –Dan
“Gertie is watching a boxy car with a spoiler and window netting going down a hill, without a single advertisement to be seen anywhere. I don’t know she’s watching, but it is decidedly not NASCAR.” –Banana Jr. 6000
“Aw, it’s a celebration of love among the grey-ashy-pallor-due-to-congestive-heart-failure set. Turn up your supplemental oxygen to three liters a minute and check for mottling, kids, it’s going to be a hot one tonight!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“I like this old-timey kind of basketball, with a bunch of skyscraper-tall players discussing strategy while barely moving around a court. Of course you’re open, dude — it’s not as if anybody here is trying to guard anyone.” –BigTed
“Another deep lore dump from Mary Worth. The moon, a pure white pearl in the heavens, lacking the scars and basins that we know so well. Where is Tycho crater? What of the great Mares, the Sea of Serenity, the Sea of Crises, or the Sea of Tranquility, which in our world bears Neil Armstrong’s ‘one small step?’ There is only one answer; the Worthverse did not endure the Late Heavy Bombardment of the Neohadean and Eoarchean eras. Neither Earth nor Moon was pummeled by the orbital residue of failed planets. Which means the cratons of the early Earth were not disrupted back into a molten state, plate tectonics never occurred, there was no split of the early supercontinent Rodina, the lack of solar system remnants prevented the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event, the dinosaurs survived and evolved into humanoids that replicated our own mammalian culture to a surprising — but not exacting — extent. So, now you can all think of Dawn’s cloaca, or Wilbur’s need for massive caloric intake, or Mary’s cold blood.” –Voshkod
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