The Comics Curmudgeon

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Friday quickies

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Judge Parker, 12/13/24

“I mean, we haven’t seen a panel showing anyone below the shoulders for weeks now, but I’m pretty sure there’s no bed in here and you’re sleeping on the stool. You know what they have prison, Ann? Beds! Just saying.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/13/24

“Because I’m not doing the surgery. They have the real surgeons doing it for once, ha ha! They sent me out here to talk to you, which frankly I’m not thrilled about.”

Beetle Bailey 12/13/24

Oh, don’t look so worried, Sarge: they’re burning you in effigy. They’re not setting you on fire per se. It’s symbolic. They’re taking you on in the markeplace of ideas!

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Also, the patient very much is uncrustable, so the whole premise is faulty

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Six Chix, 12/12/24

OK, I get the impulse to turn a bitten-out semicircle on this pastry-shrink into his mouth, but the execution is very uncanny. Like I don’t buy that it opens or closes like a regular mouth, it just seems like it’d be open forever, an endless scream, a wound bleeding purple. Not really the most reassuring thing you’d want to see during therapy, in my opinion! Anyway, I’d like to imagine that the genesis of this strip was the writer being told by a therapist “You are loveless but not unloveable!” and instead of applying this insight towards solving her various emotional problems she decided to draw a cartoon about talking Uncurstables® sandwiches instead.

Gil Thorp, 12/12/24

“The catch is made by … Milford?” really makes it sound like Marty Moon has never heard of an “interception” before. “Goshen threw it … but Milford caught it? Is that legal?” [desperately paging through the rulebook]

Shoe, 12/12/24

We all know, of course, that women be shopping. But what if I told you … that in the year 2024 … they be shopping … on the computer.

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Wednesday is for dumb kids

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Hi and Lois, 12/11/24

Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the damn phone, six months ago Hi seemed genuinely depressed to not receive golf gifts for Father’s Day, back when the kids unilaterally cancelled Father’s Day. Anyway, if Ditto is going to try to do some “turnabout is fair play” on gifts, Hi’s move should be to say “Hey, remember when you cancelled Father’s Day?”

Dennis the Menace, 12/11/24

OK, I’m just genuinely flummoxed by this one. Only thing I’ve got is that Dennis has the Benjamin Button disease and he used to be much taller, and his shrunken, aging brain is vaguely remembering this? I feel menaced in my confusion, but not in a fun way.

Mary Worth, 12/11/24

Mary has had a lot of experience interacting with Dawn, so she knows she has to remind Dawn that she recently became vegan to set the stage for the meal. That girl has a lot of fine qualities, but object permanence simply isn’t one of them.