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Mary Worth 5/26/25

OK, sorry, it’s very funny that Wilbur’s instinct upon stumbling onto this perfectly insane scene is to address not Belle, his girlfriend/sex partner/whatever who is capable of understanding and responding to normal human speech, but rather his fish, who is not. I guess he really does love that fish and/or is untethered from reality, ha ha! Speaking of which, check out those pinprick constricted pupils on Belle. Clearly she was neither kissing nor preparing to eat Willa, but was rather somehow getting high from interacting with the fish, using some advanced technique currently known only to Florida men and women.

Blondie, 5/26/25

Ha ha, it’s funny because the Bumsteads are in a financially desperate state, and Dagwood has turned to gambling in a last-ditch effort to pay the family bills!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/25/25

Every once in a while, I get frustrated with myself for not being able to remember my parents’ anniversary, or the names of people I’ve met socially on multiple occasions, but then on days like today I realize that those parts of my brain are being put to much more important uses, like remembering Slylock Fox puzzles from 2008 so I can immediately recognize when they get repeated. Today’s strip uses the same fake-Weirdly-hunger-strike gimmick as the previous version, but includes all new art, including the particularly grotesque detail of a duck cop sneeringly offering the Count a hot dog. In a world full of sapient pigs and cows, Weirdly may be refusing to eat primarily because he fears he’s being entrapped into a crime much graver than his usual misdemeanors.

Mary Worth, 5/25/25

I think we all kind of knew Belle was going to kill Willa, but I don’t think any of us expected her to eat her. I guess she saw Wilbur demonstrating genuine affection for his little fish friend and decided that she would need to actually consume her rival in order to gain Willa’s totemic power and transfer Wilbur’s affections to her. “But if that’s her M.O., why would she repeatedly try to poison Dawn, then?” you’re probably asking. “Wouldn’t that just befoul the meat?” That presumes Wilbur has ever displayed as much warmth for his daughter as he has for his fish, and I simply don’t believe that’s the case.

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Crankshaft, 5/24/25

The wisteria guy from earlier this week is, as Uncle Lumpy remembers so I don’t have to, the former paramour of Lilian’s now-deceased sister Lucy; he used to dance with her at the Wisteria Ballroom, and then set up an overly elaborate proposal scenario that was to take place there that didn’t come off right and therefore their love was thwarted forever, to their mutual despair, which could’ve been avoided if he had been just a little bit normal about the whole thing. Anyway, the lady at the flower shop gave him some wisterias, which he wistfully put on Lucy’s grave, and now, mere minutes later, a maintenance guy is driving by to grab them and put them directly in the garbage. The terrible Funkyverse vibes are back, everybody! They’re back and they’re better than ever!

Luann, 5/24/25

Speaking of terrible vibes, Luann and the weird uptight guy she kissed behind a clipboard exactly once are apparently going to move into a tiny studio apartment together? There’s two ways this could go: the strip could finally approach young people’s sexuality in a straightforward way or it could do a ribald fanfic-style storyline where, uh oh! There’s only one bed!!!! I leave it as an exercise to the reader to figure out which possibility I find more likely.

Gil Thorp, 5/24/25

Hmm, in Kennedy v. Bremerton School District, the Supreme Court ruled that a public high school football coach could lead students in prayer on the 50 yard line after games, but the Milford administration thinks it can stop Coach Hernandez from peacefully using an Ouija board to contact a ghost in a school supply closet? “Lawyer up, coach!” is what the beloved dead “Pop(s)” is urging Luke, as he floats conveniently where Dr. Pearl can’t see him.

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/25

C’mon, man, the Beetle Bailey gang is in the army, and they have their own special forces units, like the Rangers. The joke should’ve been “Maybe I could’ve been an Army Ranger” “You’re more of a bear” and OK now I see why they didn’t go with that one.

Pluggers, 5/24/25

Pluggers are of an age at which they’re more prone to falling, and a fall could result in serious injury. They live in constant fear that such a thing could happen to them or their partners!