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Hey all! Next week’s the first Friday of the month, so you know what that means: The Internet Read Aloud is happening in LA! Come see me and these funny people be funny!

Here is the Facebook event, which tells you all the details!

And now … your comment … of … the week!

“That owl though. ‘A CAVE? Can you believe this guy?’” –MissAgatha

And your hilarious runners up!

“Giant hogweed, also known as giant cow parsley and hogsbane, is also known as cartwheel-flower, giant cow parsnip, wild rhubarb and Heracleum mantegazzianum. The fact that Mark didn’t include these other names means he’s really slipping in the explanation department — which may not seem like a big deal until someone yells ‘Hey, watch out for the cartwheel-flower,’ but you don’t pay attention and end up getting your face burned off. Details matter, people!” –BigTed

“I like how the beach gets progressively more empty, as people flee Brandy and Tommy’s insufferable love talk. By the final panel even the sun has had enough, bringing dusk to California a full 5 hours early.” –pugfuggly

“Does anybody else feel like the Mary Worth is some kind of ominous foreshadowing, like Tommy is going to die trying to save it from drowning or something? Maybe the mind just sees what it wants to see. I have been hoping Tommy will drown for weeks now. In fact, I no longer care who drowns. Tommy, Brandy, me; let’s just get this over with.” –K.M.

Jimmy Durante looks pretty good considering he’s been dead for almost 40 years. Ha-cha-cha-chaaaaaaa!” –Tom the Sailor Man

“Ah yes, muffins. The quintessential dessert for pool parties, picnics, and other summertime gatherings. And I’m sure they are bran muffins. Y’all can keep your watermelon! Mary knows the importance of staying regular.” –Havalina

“I also want to be counted amongst those who were shocked to see people actually in the pool at a pool party. What are they doing THERE and what are the DOING there? Is this a set up for some hero dog action? Will those people soon suffer from cramps for being in the water too soon after eating salmon ‘snacks’? There better be some G-D denouement including those two or I’ll be grinding my teeth something awful.” –The Mighty Captain E

“Ah, an elderly gentleman who wishes to be left the fuck alone so he may spend his golden years with his beloved dog. THIS HERESY MUST NOT STAND!” –Zerowolf

“Giving the loving illustration of that radio in Mark Trail, I can only assume it will soon be Mark’s sidekick. ‘How should we handle this, CeeBee?’ ‘Breaker breaker!’ ‘Ha! Good choice. Let’s break their jaws. I love you, CeeBee.’ ‘Wilco!’” –Voshkod

This concludes another exciting episode of The Adventures of The Guy from ‘American Gothic.’” –Joe Blevins

“I’m not sure if this guy is already dead or not, but I better run before he hits the floor!” –Peanut Gallery

Keep running until there’s no one left to chase you. That’s how I used to play tag when I was a kid. It was very effective. I’ve never been ‘it’, not even once. Of course, that didn’t make me very popular with my peers, but I think they were all just jealous. Hey, where are you going?” –made of wince

“The Hanks are, respectively, 95 and 75 years old. The most likely explanation is that neither of them know how to work that iPhone.” –Where’s Rocky

“Meanwhile a hawk tries very hard to convince people to build a new Aztec capital on this site, but everyone is too focused on petty looting to see the omen. Way to miss your destiny, Joe.” –pachoo

“Cindy doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. She’s a single! No caring mother or father, no inquisitive aunts or uncles. A single! No one would miss her if she were suddenly to disappear, say by going into a basement and having her organs harvested!” –seismic-2

“Hi and Lois is violating the Three Guys on a Sofa rule established by TV advertising that states one of them MUST be a person of color. However, following that rule would mess up the cultural insensitivity required by the joke of Thirsty’s Italian-American bookie. Don’t even get me started on him smoking inside the house.” –Chaze

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

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Hi and Lois, 8/31/18

I am living for the disappointed looks on the faces of Hi and Other Friend Of Thirsty And Possibly Hi in panel two here! While both of these gentlemen wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to horn in on their wives’ bonding time with their female friends, they had always been jealous of their book clubs, and when they got Thirsty’s unexpected invite, they were thrilled: an intellectual salon, a meeting of the minds that would deepen their male bonds! But no, it’s just another opportunity to do low-level crimes, and lose money to boot. Maybe the two of them should start their own book club. It’s not too late, fellas! Overcome that masculine reserve and live your literary dreams!

Mark Trail, 8/31/18

Some of you have wondered: in these difficult times for journalism, how can Woods and Wildlife Magazine possibly keep up its expensive longform niche journalism, paying for long trips overseas for its writers (along with their outrageous travel insurance premiums) and still making rent on its posh Manhattan offices even as advertising rates plummet? Well, the answer is that while Americans may be spending their days endlessly noodling around on social media, consumers in the Latin American market still hunger for fascinating stories about our natural world (World War I era airplanes count as part of the natural world if they fall into a sinkhole).

Family Circus, 8/31/18

Finally, I’ve acknowledged to myself that making a joke about the Keane Kids as part of a horrifying, incestous planned breeding program to create some kind of genetically pure “holy race” is both distasteful and also doesn’t have much support in the comic itself. Now to take a big sip of coffee and read today’s Family Circus!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/31/18

Ha ha, if an absolutely furious old man is screaming abuse at people in the form of unfunny wordplay, it must be Funky Winkerbean!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/30/18

Several different uninteresting storylines featuring uninteresting sets of characters intersected at Buck and Mindy’s Vegas wedding, and so the big question after that was: what boring nonsense was going to come up on the bland Rex Morgan, M.D., slot machine after everybody parted ways? The “winners” turn out to be the Hanks, making their way across America one dumb roadside attraction at a time — except Hank Sr. has decided he’s going to go back to Millie’s diner and win back her heart. But now nobody is answering the phone at the diner!!!! Will our heroes stumble into a robbery or a fire or some similarly dramatic situation??? Or will it just be that things were really slammed and nobody picked up the phone, yes, that’s the more likely alternative, the much, much less exciting thing, that’s the one that’s happening.

Mark Trail, 8/30/18

Oh, it appears Mark’s reputation has preceded him here south of the border, down Mexico way, and what does that reputation consist of? Well, we know he hates evil-doers. We know he particularly hates those evil-doers who illicitly traffic in the cultural heritage of the indigenous peoples of the Americas. And we know that when he gets angry, vehicles explode. Jo(s)e’s precious classic car … ice cream truck … thing is not long for this world, is what I’m saying!

Dennis the Menace, 8/30/18

You’ve taken your five-year-old to a live performance fancy enough to require a jacket and tie … and he announces his intention to peacefully and quietly sleep through it, allowing all the other theater-goers, who appear to universally be adults, to enjoy the show? That is literally the least menacing possible scenario here