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Crankshaft, 9/24/18

Hmm, is Crankshaft adding a new character to its cast? Or is this old lady someone who appeared years ago and I never knew about her or perhaps forgot? At any rate, I’m very looking forward to a plot where once again Darla Gillespie organizes her class reunion, making meticulous preparations but hoping that this is the year when nobody shows up because they’ve all died and she can finally declare herself the winner of the tontine.

Gil Thorp, 9/24/18

Oh, I’m sorry, is Tiki Jansen not a star? Maybe if we consider “star” an inadequate term for a guy who blocks field goals by jumping, like … 10, 20 feet in the air? I’m not a scientist, but that seems pretty impressive. Anyway, here’s hoping for an all special teams fall plot! Just Marty Moon watching botched kick after botched kick, his eyes bugging out in shellshocked awe!

Family Circus, 9/24/18

The commands of the God of Christianity have failed to restrain Jeffy’s sinful behavior, so his mother has, sadly, been forced to turn to witchcraft.

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Six Chix, 9/23/18

My first read on this was that the two sad/angry/scrunch-faced/???? characters on the left were upset that their cruel boss was forcing them to come up with new fees, since they just wanted to offer checking accounts on honest terms to decent folks, just like banks did back in the day. But with all the crumpled up papers and charts denoting declining profits on display, I guess we’re meant to understand that they’re all in it together, trying to extract every last dime from their customers before the whole system comes crashing down. The lady in the middle is going into a full-on panic fugue state, so move all your savings into bitcoin or canned goods, probably!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/23/18

Snuffy and Lukey are laughing not at their own terrible wordplay, of course, but because they know that they’ll cut those trees down years before they mature enough to produce any fruit, either to patch their decaying hovels or simply to burn for heat.

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Hi and Lois, 9/22/18

Ha ha, there’s nothing that says “I love my son” like telling your wife as she walks by, completely within his earshot, “Look, I’m sitting right next to him here on the couch! You were wrong when you said I didn’t love him!” But really, the big shoutout in this strip has to go to Chip, who’s alternating between looking at his phone and reading that magazine he has draped over the arm of the couch. He doesn’t want to be there any more than Hi does!

Spider-Man, 9/22/18

J. Jonah Jameson of course discarded the traditional obituary section years ago, merging it with the wedding announcements to create a weekly “Life Moments” supplement that you have to pay to be featured in. But I assume that if Spider-Man died from some combination of being shot multiple times and suffocating from poison gas, it’d be a gleeful banner headline, for what’s that’s worth.

Marvin, 9/22/18

“Since American suburbia is bereft of truly public spaces, I thought we were going to wander around this commercial center merely for the purpose of experiencing the slow passage of time towards our inevitable and meaningless deaths in a location other than our home, for once. But you entered a series of stores with the intention of exchanging money for goods! What a twist!”