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Pluggers, 4/5/18

Are you an ordinary biological life form made of meat and bone? Are you trying to transcend those limitations by festooning your flesh-shell with baubles made of gold or jewels? Well, pluggers are way ahead of you. Pluggers are enhancing their bodies with metal and machinery, to become something greater, something powerful, something more. I honestly did not anticipate this new direction for Pluggers, but I am very much here for it.

Dennis the Menace, 4/5/18

Your mother is a young woman, Dennis, and probably sees her still-young child as a reflection of her own youth. Letting her know that you, who will almost certainly outlive her, already feel the icy breath of mortality on the back of your neck is menacing indeed.

Family Circus, 4/5/18

“What’s her angle? Is she plotting against me? Against us? Are we in a blood feud with grandma? I’ve been waiting for this day all my life.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/4/18

If you’re wondering how Funky Winkerbean was planning on distastefully following up Mopey Pete shows his buds the nude pics Mindy sends him,” may I present the squirm-inducing “Mopey Pete and Mindy’s brother jockey passive-aggressively for her affections”?

Mary Worth, 4/4/18

Congrats to Mary Worth on producing a plot-important object that seems skillfully drawn and yet I cannot identify. It looks a little like one of those water-resistent Bluetooth speakers you can hang in the shower. Is that it? Is Wilbur looking to to stream his ultra-depressing Iris Left Me For For Another Guy Just Because He’s Younger, Hotter, Richer, And Didn’t Cheat On Her playlist from Spotify to that speaker, so he can hear it better as he lies in the tub in a fetal position for hours?

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/3/18

I haven’t really been checking in with the story of Justin who can’t stop puking up his food and yet is remarkably reluctant to seek medical attention for what’s obviously a fairly serious condition. The most anyone’s been able to get out of him (other than the vomit) is that he doesn’t like getting hit in the knee with a reflex hammer, but today we learn that since he was a little boy his mother has been filling his head with horror stories about his ancestor who died from an operation, and whom neither she nor Justin ever met. We also learn that, in addition to not realizing that surgery is safer now than it was during the Harding Administration, she also doesn’t know that morticians are happy to give your loved one a post-mortem haircut.

Gil Thorp, 4/3/18

“Loses his mind” may be putting it kind of strongly, but I do like the engineer’s fairly extreme reaction to a little mild on-air cussing. Presumably he swept his coffee mug aside while flailing wildly in the immediate aftermath of the incident, and has taken his headphones off so he doesn’t have to listen to further swear words from Marty, or perhaps so he doesn’t have to listen to his gentle sobbing.

Mark Trail, 4/3/18

“The way we’re hunting down this rhino reminds me of the days when Jim and I were on that television show, To Catch A Predator! Only this time the ‘predator’ metaphor doesn’t reflect quite so badly on us!”

Mary Worth, 4/3/18

I don’t know what’s sadder: that Dawn is truly enjoying herself in Florence only now, as massive flooding driven by catastrophic climate change puts even hilly Tuscany underwater, or that Wilbur has to cruelly watch ads for shampoo that feature long, lustrous manes of hair while he’s trying to eat.