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Between Friends, 8/15/25

Way back during the dot-com boom I joined a startup with a business model only slightly less speculative than the espresso-martini distillery Susan’s so pumped about. It ended in the predictable way. But at least my decision wasn’t based on the prospect of lounging at home getting hammered on the product (semiconductor futures contracts, how would that even work?).

Flash Gordon, 8/15/25

I am mildly claustrophobic, and if somebody came along and freed me from days of imprisonment in a tight steel helmet I would probably react pretty much the way enslaved factory worker Edda does here. Don’t judge me!

Breaking Cat News, 8/15/25

I read Breaking Cat News every day. In my defense, sometimes a fella just needs a break between Luann and Crankshaft, you know? Usually it’s just cats reporting on news of significance to cats: Lupin is stuck in a drawer, There’s a cricket somewhere in the apartment, Breakfast is MISSING, that sort of thing.

But boy, things have sure taken a dark turn. The Woman is fostering bunny Miss Elizabeth while the Quinn Animal Shelter rebuilds after storm damage. Elizabeth may or may not (rabbit genealogies are complex) be descended from a colony of rabbits freed from Grimtech Labs in a daring rescue a while back. The experimental history of those now-feral rabbits left them with glowing red eyes, lunar cycle entrainment, and other signs of metamorphosis; the cats’ consensus is zombification. The Zombie Bunnies returned at full moon, claimed not to know Miss Elizabeth (but then rabbit genealogies are complex), gnomically announced “time is running out,” and disappeared. In other news, “zombie” is apparently an acceptable term, but “witch” is not. Supernatural etiquette is hard!

Pajama Diaries, 8/15/25

OK look I realize now that’s a trademark symbol but it sure looked like an apostrophe at first and I thought this strip was heading in an entirely different direction, GPS or no. Apologies!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/15/25

Reverend Croom apparently thinks Jeffrey Epstein should have been released and his files published so an angry mob would tear him limb from limb. New Testament words; Old Testament justice.

Mary Worth, 8/15/25

Olive’s Mean Girl classmates shun and bully her because of her oh-so-special precognitive gifts. So her saving a drowning classmate precisely because of those gifts would make for a taut, satisfying resolution to their conflict. But this is Mary Worth, so the special gifts in play here are “looks at stuff” and “took swimming lessons.”

Just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch, so Tabby Lavalamp’s tart Neddy Spencer put-down gets to ride up there another week. Hooray!

—Uncle Lumpy

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Herb and Jamaal, 8/5/25

“I guess this would be considered illegal…”

Hmm, what’s he reading about? Sounds juicy

“…if they didn’t call it a law.”

Ah, I get it, we’re doing a “none dare call it treason” bit. Bold!

“Every law is made for a reason…”

Yes, Herb, yes, it’s time to speak truth to power

“…even when it penalizes those to whom the law would never apply.”

I … uh … um … ????????

Wizard of Id, 8/5/25

Hey guys! Remember back in March, when Wizard of Id compared blocking somebody’s number to shooting a bird, with a gun, from the tower of a castle? Well, here’s today’s Wizard of Id, which compares blocking a spam e-mail to shooting a bird, with a magical power bolt, from the tower of a castle. Honestly excited to see what other important form of communication is going to get this treatment five months from now.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/5/25

Have you ever walked away from a concert disappointed by the energy level of the band, feeling like the musicians were kind of phoning it in and weren’t fully present for the performance? Well, have you considered that maybe they had spent their whole lives thinking one guy they had never met was their dad, but then they did a DNA test and found out a different guy they never met was their dad and that guy was dead, and now they’ve sent messages to their newly discovered half-siblings on Facebook but never heard back, and it’s eating them up inside? Bet you hadn’t thought of that, huh? Bet you’re just a rude and inconsiderate person. It’s all about what you want.

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Herb and Jamaal, 7/30/25

It seems like just yesterday that Herb stormed into Rev. Croom’s office, declaring that he was ambivalent about believing in a creator God whom he couldn’t perceive with his senses. In fact, it was 11 years ago, but I guess that’s practically yesterday in newspaper comics terms, ha ha! Anyway, in the subsequent decade, it seems Herb has resolved his doubts by means of Pascal’s wager, though I have to say that “liv[ing] in the netherworld” is a pretty tame euphemism for “experiencing eternal physical torment as a damned soul in hell,” and maybe not really as motivating as he thinks.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/25

“Speaking of which, uh, that’s not your legal name, right? Like, I figure at some point before we get married I’m going to finally get to see some ID, and I’ve really had my fingers crossed that we’ve been working with a Mud Mountain/Fergus situation here.”

Intelligent Life, 7/30/25

Actually, fellas, most of the shareholders of Warner Bros. Discovery and the Walt Disney Company are institutional investors like pension and mutual funds, along with individual retail investors who are making decisions based on the companies’ financial positions rather than fandom affinity, so I’m not sure “the geek community” is the right word choice in this situation!

Pluggers, 7/30/25

Hey, buddy. You think a lot about peeing? Or pooping? When you look at a bathroom, do you think to yourself, “Do I have to pee or poop right now? Might as well give it a shot. Better safe than sorry!” Well, I’m sorry to inform you that you are, canonically, a plugger.