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Gil Thorp, 3/26/25

A thing about getting old that is absolutely a cliche but also 100% true AND also something that you can’t really understand until you experience it is that time really does feel like it goes by faster. It seemed to me that Luke went from Gil’s rival to his faithful retainer in the blink of an eye, but it’s been two and a half years since he came on the scene, so maybe these arcs really have run their course. Maybe it makes sense that now he’s just a schlubby guy in a polo shirt and khakis saying stuff like “You know what I learned from Coach Thorp? That it’s cool to lose, actually,” and it’s not setting up a sick burn where he says “because Coach Thorp is a loser!!!!!” Anyway, at least we have Coach Gerard‘s endless enmity! At least we have that!

Herb and Jamaal, 3/26/25

Politicians, generals, warlords! Know that if you’re planning some new armed conflict, anywhere on earth, the Herb and Jamaal published on March 26, 2025, will apply, thanks to its carefully crafted ambiguity. Perhaps just seeing this strip will make you think twice about unleashing the horrors of war, knowing such a cutting commentary was prepared for you, in advance!

Mary Worth, 3/26/25

OK, yes, fine, here’s Wilbur delivering a spit take so vigorous it shakes his combover out of place, prompted by the idea that he might be on the verge of doing sex to a lady in such a way that she would derive pleasure from it. I know I should be chortling with glee, but I’m not feeling it, OK? Not the way I was when I thought Wilbur had died. I guess I’m really more a thanatos guy than an eros guy, when it comes to Wilbur.

Pickles, 3/26/25

I definitely haven’t reached the “bothering to learn the characters’ names” stage with Pickles — and, Lord willing, I may never get there — but I am taking a shine to Grandson Pickles, just based on this strip. I like how he’s not letting his grandmother shake him off from this line of inquiry. What if someone died, Grandma? What if you died, right here in the living room? Would they still call it that? Because you wouldn’t be living in it anymore, if you follow me.

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Herb and Jamaal, 3/13/25

Ha, no, see, Herb’s mother-in-law, “doomscrolling” just means when you keep going through your social media feeds on your phone, hoping for a little glimmer of something positive but instead only finding bad news that makes you increasingly gloomy. It does not mean the thing where you’re on your phone and you suddenly get a vivid and detailed vision of your own future death, but then just as quickly that awful omen vanishes from sight. I mean, I can see why you’d think that’s what doomscrolling might mean, what with it offering you premonitions of your own doom and all! But it doesn’t really happen often enough for people to give it a name, I don’t think. Does it, uh, often happen to you?

Mary Worth, 3/13/25

Dawn, there’s no need to be condescending to your old dad, he is not “pen pals” with a nice lady he met on a tour of a collectable spoon factory or something, he met a woman at an all-inclusive resort and they fucked for two weeks and now he’s messaging her using his computer or phone, both devices that have cameras built in just in case the light and friendly banter takes a turn towards the naked, and if you choose to continue to live in this house you will have to get used to that idea.

Gearhead Gertie, 3/13/25

“She’s actually just pretty much unhappy all the time, and quite frankly it’s difficult to live with.”

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Gil Thorp, 2/25/25

Keri Thorp has been struggling with an eating disorder, and apparently their therapist has recommended equine therapy. Did you know that horses are prey animals? Did you know that some clinicians believe that you can overcome the psychological issues associated with eating disorders by channeling your “inner wolf”? Did you know that the Milford teachers union negotiated a very generous health insurance package for its members, with particularly comprehensive mental health coverage for educators and family members? Step 1: You get to know horses and their weaknesses in a controlled environment. Step 2: You’re parachuted into the Mongolian steppe. Step 3 gets a little messy but I think you can see where we’re going with this.

Judge Parker, 2/25/25

Wow! That sure sounds interesting! If only this were a visual medium, and we could’ve seen some of that action, instead of just seeing other people reacting to it and then hearing Sam Driver describing it while staring manfully into the middle distance. Maybe we’ll also learn third-hand how this 100% illegally obtained evidence entered the official record of Anne’s case, if we’re lucky!

Herb and Jamaal, 2/25/25

Herb commits any number of sinister deeds during the course of his day, and can only live with himself by dissociating at night, as if all that evil were the fault of someone else entirely. It’s sad, it really is!

Pluggers, 2/25/25

Man, I always thought one of the perks of being a plugger would be a blissful lack of self-awareness and self-reflection, but I look at this plugger’s face! He is reflecting upon himself pretty hard and does not like what he’s become aware of as a result.