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Crankshaft, 11/4/26

I don’t talk about it very much, but ever since Funky Winkerbean triumphantly (?) concluded, Crankshaft has been afflicted by thinly veiled authorial insert character Batton Thomas, creator of the comic strips 3 O’Clock High (thinly veiled Funky Winkerbean) and The Wrinkles (thinly veiled Crankshaft). Except the characters in Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean look more or less like people, while the characters in 3 O’Clock High and The Wrinkles are these grotesque, large-eared parodies of humanity, symbolizing the fact that they are a narrative layer further away from our real world. But now they’ve escaped containment! And they walk among their Funkyverse counterparts! What happens when Lovable 3 O’Clock High band director character [NAME NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH TO FIND] interacts with his obvious model, Harry Dinkle? Will it tear a hole in the fabric of reality and allow them to enter our universe, in a crossover event that will greatly amuse some unknowable-to-us observers in yet another, more “real” universe? I hope not! I don’t want to talk to any of these guys! What if they read all the mean stuff I’ve written about them on my blog?

Herb and Jamaal, 11/4/26

I was going to try to parse the “punchline” here and try to figure out if it represented a joke or even wordplay of any kind, but then I realized that the dialogue in the first panel is in a thought balloon, which I guess means that this isn’t Herb being sullen about one of his loudmouth customers, it’s him ruminating at random, possibly after experiencing a minor cerebrovascular event, so I don’t feel obligated.

Mary Worth, 11/4/26

I know “suspenseful” is not a term we usually use about Mary Worth plots, but I’m genuinely unsure if where she’s going with this is “Nelly is such an unhappy soul, nothing I could do or say would be worse punishment than just living with herself” or “Nelly could lash out and hurt anyone at any time, and that’s why we have to put her down like a rabid dog.”

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Shoe, 10/29/26

I don’t think you should bring your own botox to a party. I think botox should be supplied and injected by trained and licensed medical professionals! Call me a stick in the mud who doesn’t align with current government policy on this topic, but I feel strongly about it.

Flash Gordon, 10/29/26

As you know, I mostly don’t comment on new-look Flash Gordon here except to note how cool it is and that you should definitely be reading it. It dips deep into the strip’s lore for a lot of stuff but also isn’t afraid to stake out new narrative territory, including, apparently, “Dr. Zarkov has been low-key fucking his way through the Mongolithic lady scientist community ever since he arrived on this planet.”

Herb and Jamaal, 10/29/26

“God would never tell anyone to eat at this place,” thinks Rev. Croom. “I would know: I eat here every day, having been tempted to do so by Satan. I only do it to better know the Enemy, so I can defeat him!”

Mary Worth, 10/29/26

“He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed! Doesn’t always understand what’s going on! Truly unequipped for even the basics of navigating daily life! Dumber than a pillowcase full of doorknobs!” [suddenly starts sobbing] “Mary, I love him SO MUCH”

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Mary Worth, 8/24/26

So, just to bring you up to speed on Mary Worth, last week there was no follow-up to Dawn’s single tear of romantic longing, and instead we got the sort of Mary congratulatory victory lap (Wilbur admitting to her at length that he was wrong to think ill of Dawn and Tommy hanging out and thanking her for setting him straight) that we’ve come to associate with the end of a storyline. So, it’s not clear to me if this BUZZ BUZZ! is Dawn-heartbreak-related, or if we’re starting a new plot, one where the United States has devolved into chaos and Charterstone residents now rely on the supplemental food supply that Mary was wise enough to establish. Sure, everyone seems pretty calm given that background, but you have to understand that Mary decides how many weekly calories your conduct has entitled you to, so nobody wants to get too out of pocket no matter how much panic they’re feeling inside.

The Phantom, 8/24/26

The Phantom was introduced to the world two years before Superman and three years before Batman, and I appreciate the way that he has stubbornly stayed a sort of proto-superhero rather than evolving with the rest of the cape genre (he’s never worn a cape, for one thing). So, for instance, he’s kind of like Batman in that he’s an ordinary human whose “powers” are the result of relentless training, but unlike Batman or just about any other superhero, one of his powers is that he’s really good at shooting guns. And he’ll do it, too! New problem on the horizon, like AI-controlled drones? Why not solve that problem by shooting at it, with guns? Let’s give it a go! Probably can’t hurt!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/24/26

You gotta admit, Sarah is taking a high-risk, high-reward strategy in this conversation. Sure, Jamaal was probably going to reply to her statement in panel two with a question that would allow her to bust out this sick burn, but wasn’t guaranteed by any means. What if Jamaal had been like, “Oh, he keeps saying he’s going to start working out, good for him!” and then, what, she’s going to say, “Uh, yeah, well, uh, guess what kind of exercises he’s doing. Just guess.” “Huh, I dunno, I told him he might want to start with some resistance tr–” “DIDDLY SQUATS”

Pluggers, 8/24/26

A public library is a plugger data center, in the sense that it’s something a plugger will go to a city council meeting to oppose because he thinks it’ll make his taxes go up.