Yes, this is what radio listeners crave: the possibility of hearing a snail DJ slowly dissolving, over the radio! (psst I think maybe someone doesn’t actually know what “shock jock” means)
Family Circus, 9/12/15
Speaking of horrible salt-deaths, I love Big Daddy Keane’s little smile here. At last, he thinks, at last I have evidence that Billy’s heart is incurably hardened against the Lord. I can just leave him by the side of the highway with no regrets.
Pluggers don’t even remember what it was like to feel giddy, overblown enthusiasm about anything in this life, and will thank you to leave them alone while they eat their ice cream in sullen silence.
Mary Worth, 9/7/15
You guys. You guys. When I predicted this yesterday, I was kidding. Kidding. I mean, surely Toby wouldn’t dramatically tell Ian “do not try to look for me” and then lay low in literally the same building. Surely she has some friends other than Mary. Maybe we’ve never seen her interacting with them, but surely she had them. Some people she knows from the local art scene? Her old friends back in New York? Turns out nope! Turns out Mary’s all she’s got. This whole thing’s going to be fantastic. Anyway, since I can apparently control the course of this plot with my barely plausible predictions, here’s my next prediction: Toby will very quickly drive Mary up the wall by letting her filthy, filthy human skin touch all the surfaces in Mary’s apartment, her pure, beautiful, disinfected surfaces.
Ha ha, get it? Because megabytes are some kind of thing that’s inside a computer, and it sounds like you’re taking a MEGA (big) BITE (of food)? And Dagwood is a terrible compulsive eater, so he likes biting food? The saddest thing about this joke is that I’m pretty sure the Blondie Inc. Creative Brain Trust came up with it, like, ten years ago, and only now feel confident that their readership will really “get it,” and even then had Dagwood and Alexander say “megabyte” to each other four times, just to be sure.
Don’t worry, this turtle’s shell isn’t a twisted, unnatural attempt to mimic secondary mammalian sexual characteristics. She’s just deformed because she was born in a pile of garbage!
Funky Winkerbean, 9/7/15
THE DAY IS HERE
THE DAY WHEN THE LIVING FINALLY OVERTHROW THE TYRANNY OF THE DEAD
Apartment 3-G, 8/26/15
The Apartment 3-G dreamscape continues with this callback to a previous plot that almost seems to make sense in light of previous events but then not really at all when you think about it for more than 30 seconds! Lu Ann didn’t “meet Eric a few years ago”; she worked for him at his gallery, as did her drug-addled boyfriend, and was spending enough time with him to send Margo spinning into a hilarious jealous rage. She and Tommie in fact both knew Eric pretty well, so why would Tommie’s protest be that “Eric Mills died five years ago” rather than “Eric Mills looked nothing like this man standing in our apartment?” Or if he does look like Eric, why aren’t they saying “But we thought you were dead?” It’s like they’re constructing the reality of their world using logic and their vague memories of the past rather than the evidence of their senses, which, I guess, wouldn’t be the first time.
Mark Trail, 8/26/15
“That’s it! … Ken, you’ve given me an idea! We need to get our hands on a geiger counter and take it down to the sunken freighter! Fortunately, geiger counters are readily available for purchase and can even be shipped overnight!”
Here’s today’s B.C.! It takes place on a nightmarish fleshscape, just underneath which seethes delicious blood.