Post Content

Mary Worth, 10/6/23

Oh, root beer? You guys both love root beer? You’d describe it as your “favorite”? Well, I think we can forget DNA tests or the “necessary Q&A” about who failed to pull out of who when: paternity has now pretty much been confirmed! Congrats to all!

Beetle Bailey, 10/6/23

Ha ha, wouldn’t it be funny if a guy was in the army but — get this — he had a cell phone, like you and me, and he accidentally dropped it in the sink? Such a thing would be impossible, of course, but it’s truly whimsical to imagine. An army guy! With a cell phone! Oh, mercy.

Curtis, 10/6/23

Look, I’m not saying I want Curtis to wrap up and stop publishing — far from it! Please, grace us with crazy stories for many Kwanzaas to come! But I am saying that a very cool way for Curtis to end its run in the funny pages would be for one of Greg’s old enemies to escape from prison, forcing the Wilkins family to flee for their lives.

Judge Parker, 10/6/23

Oh, hey, a guy got tased in Judge Parker! Don’t really have much to add to that, just thought you’d want to know. He got tased right in the neck!

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 9/18/23

I love how the narrator (reflecting official Forest Kingdom Regime propaganda) just has Slylock “overhearing” this conversation, like it’s a conincidence or something, as if he hasn’t very obviously broken into the Count’s castle without a warrant to snoop on his private interplanetary conversations. You could’ve been the first sapient Earth creature to make contact with extraterrestrial life, Sly, but now you’ve spoiled it and probably started our planet’s first space war in the process, so congrats.

Curtis, 9/18/23

Curtis, I honestly think you should be less shocked by “My teacher got a new haircut over the summer” and more shocked by “I have had the same teacher every year for as long as I can remember, and every year I neither advance to the next grade nor get any older.” Anyway, remember a few years back, when you still stayed the same age but got a new hat? This is like that, pretty much.

Dennis the Menace, 9/18/23

OK, Dennis telling grinning and updating some unknown third party about his mom’s sleepiness status … I don’t know what’s going on here but the vibe is very menacing.

Post Content

Six Chix, 7/22/23

One of the fundamental gimmicks of the comics is to provide human-level thought capabilities to animals and plants and even inanimate objects, which is all very good, but the reason that, for instance, yesterday’s piss play Six Chix was so off-putting is that it provided that sort of consciousness to a tree, which normally you don’t even think about when you let your dog piss on it, but now you’ve been given a window to a world where the tree might have opinions about being pissed on, and it’s not a view anyone wanted! Anyway, not to dwell on it, but, Six Chix, what are you doing, why are these animals having conversations in human language about eating poop, I’m begging you to step back from the brink.

Marvin, 7/22/23

And babies! Babies are the same deal! An actual preverbal infant pissing himself: fine, normal, you take it in stride; a Marvin character baby pissing himself and saying “I’m doing this for the attention!”: gross, horrible, why is this happening, how can we make it stop?

Curtis, 7/22/23

OK, in non-piss news, this one is going to require a bit of setup, but: Curtis got a summer job working at a sea turtle rescue org, and there was a sea turtle who had lost a flipper and who was always very depressed but got happy when Curtis was around, and it first they thought it was in love with Curtis, but then it turned out it just loved his trademark green hat, so everyone else who worked there got one too. But then they also figured out that it would be happier if they gave it a prosthetic fin? Which makes you wonder why they didn’t just do that in the first place?? They’re literally an organization that rescues and cares for sea turtles??? And their first thought was hat-based therapy????