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Hi and Lois, 3/9/26

Happy Monday, everyone! It’s another week and another entry in what’s quickly becoming my favorite genre in the comics: Hi and Lois muses melancholy on a single, ephemeral moment and forgets to deliver a punchline. “Isn’t this what the groundhog predicted?” Hi says, barely audible — but that’s fine, as he isn’t really talking to Lois anyway. “Isn’t it true that none of us can bend Fate to our liking?”

Archie, 3/9/26

Archie is traditionally a happy-go-lucky guy who rarely experiences distress deeper than some minor romantic slight at the hands of one of his two beautiful girlfriends. I’m not saying I like the fact that he’s experiencing some sort of profound mental disturbance right now, but at least it adds a little depth to his character.

Mary Worth, 3/9/26

Oh wow. Oh wow. Exactly the wrong thing to say, Harvey. Mary was going to try to gently guide you away from your current troubles by means of her judicious advice. But now? Now she’ll simply watch impassively as you let your sexual urges and romantic vanity override your good sense and lose everything, until you’ve sent your last bitcoin and abruptly stop receiving blatantly AI-generated photos of a twentysomething gal with a huge rack, until you need to take the bus down to the pawn shop to hock your only remaining cravat. You’ll look up and shout “Save me!” and she’ll look down and whisper “No.”

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The Lockhorns, 3/5/26

I love that Leroy has decided to turn what could’ve been a brief snide remark into an act out, as if he could peel off the vinyl siding to find the giant gumdrops underneath. Never doubt this man’s commitment to a bit, or to the larger bit that is his wildly dysfunctional marriage!

Hi and Lois, 3/5/26

This is no doubt supposed to be a boomer slam on “kids today and their participation trophies, it makes them weak,” but that’s undermined by how happy and well-adjusted Ditto and his friend look. Yeah, he’s great at participation! And who wouldn’t want to be an enthusiastic participant in all that life has to offer?

Gil Thorp, 3/5/26

[Coach Thorp is still without his best three players.] “Hey, you guys considered showing depth of character and winning?” [Final: Tilden 54, Milford 60!] The man’s still got it!

Beetle Bailey, 3/5/26

“Also, he’s an adult! Why did you think this was even vaguely appropriate?”

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Gil Thorp, 2/19/26

Oh, it turns out that Keri Thorp was one of the kids who vandalized Goshen and now they’re in jail and Gil is pissed … at the cops, who used to have a strict “no arresting teens for a little tit-for-tat spray-painting” rule, or maybe just a little “no arresting Thorps for any reason” rule, but now Coach Gerads (first name: “Mitchell,” I think this is a new addition to the lore) is insisting that the local PD “enforce the law” or whatever. Next thing you know they’ll make their deputies wear actual uniforms rather than kicky star-festooned shirts, no matter how mildly injured their legs are!

Mary Worth, 2/19/26

You’re excited that, after literal years of “pets are good” storylines in Mary Worth, Mary herself is finally going to get a pet for real this time. I’m retreating to my mind palace to imagine the moment when Dr. Jeff’s son Drew came back from the golf course with his buddy and his buddy’s cat. “Oh no!” thinks Jeff. “How can I be polite to my son’s friend but still maintain my comfort in my own home?” But then he finds out the cat is a hypoallergenic Balinese, and he realizes he’s not having any kind of allergic reaction to it, and a smile crosses his face. We are not the same.

Hi and Lois, 2/19/26

There is a sexist double standard for women in public life — politics, corporate leadership, what have you — where if they’re too nice they’re a wimp who doesn’t belong in power and if they’re not nice enough they’re a ballbuster. The shorthand for this is “likeability,” and it’s a genuinely fraught issue that puts ambitious women in a spot where they just can’t win. Dot actually is unlikeable, though, as I think this strip pretty conclusively demonstrates.