Hi and Lois
Mary Worth, 11/6/13
“This award isn’t so much for me, or the other humans who work and volunteer there, as it is for the shelter itself — the actual physical building. I mean, if you think about it, all the volunteers and staffers in the world couldn’t help the homeless if we didn’t have a building to put them in, am I right? We’d just be standing around outside holding umbrellas over their heads or something, and that wouldn’t be very helpful at all! Anyway, that’s why we sometimes let the building wrench the very souls of some of our clients out of their bodies and suck them into a terrifying hell-dimension through the nightmarish maw-portal that lurks in the basement. Yes, the process is fatal and horrifying, but if this wonderful, helpful building needs to feed on the life-essence of 20 percent or so of the people we house in order to sustain its demonic existence, who are we to complain?”
Wow, I sure don’t remember a hat-and-diaper-clad chinless blob-horror being among the cast of beloved legacy strip Crock. Newspapers are correct to eschew any affiliation with whatever awful demonic babble is emerging from this abomination’s perversely grinning mouth-hole.
Hi and Lois, 11/6/13
“Ha ha but what if there was a baby who was also a cougar” –an idea that should’ve immediately been discarded, but was instead turned into the punchline of a nationally syndicated comic strip
Good news, everybody! The Tarantula and Spider-Man defeated El Condor, and the Tarantula was all about restoring democracy to Costa Verde and holding free and fair elections, but then like forty guys who showed up in the capital to watch El Condor’s arrest shouted that Tarantula should lead them, so now he’s going by “Mr. Presidente” and striking a Jesus Christ pose in front of his fanatical followers. ¡Viva la revolución! Anyway, Spidey, having encouraged Tarantula’s coup, is now enjoying some of its sweet, sweet material benefits. “Whoa whoa whoa, I get to fly on a plane while lying on a couch? This is amaaazing!”
Speaking of violent revolution, years of privation and failed leadership have finally broken down military discipline in the Lost Patrol. The angry men plan to lynch their leader, only to be killed themselves by a stratagem of the brutal commander they hate so much. It’s OK, though, because this bloody conflict has been given the cute name “grumble time!” Ha ha, those kooky grumbling starving murderous legionnaires!
Panels from Hi and Lois, 11/3/13
I’m not sure what I love more about today’s Hi and Lois throwaway panels: that Chip (estimated birth date: 1997) is waxing nostalgic to his little sister about the cocaine-fueled glory days of the ’70s New York disco scene, or that Dot, sullen and angry at having been confronted by an unfamiliar cultural reference, calls him “chip dip” in her head. I for one will be responding to things I don’t understand with “Whatever that means, chip dip” from now on.
“So I’m available? Over here? Eh? Eh? Available for sex? Eh?”
Mary Worth, 10/21/13
There’s some important historical context for this Mary’s-friend-is-a-hero-for-the-homeless story: many years ago, Mary had a friend stay with her and she got drunk and destroyed Mary’s precious swans and then she left in shame and ended up at the Charterstone Women’s Shelter, which as far as Mary was concerned was the worst place in the entire universe. How would Mary’s condescending attitude towards such places affect her relationship with someone who is dedicating her life work to homeless services? Fortunately, all has been resolved: Shelly no longer works with actual gross homeless people, but instead fundraises and hobnobs with rich and powerful people like Hillary Clinton. How genteel! This visit is going to be extremely spiritually fulfilling, but also hobo-free.
Slylock Fox, 10/21/13
Ha ha, yes, Rodney is mixing blue and yellow paint to make green … but why? Why is he ritually daubing green paint onto various mailboxes — green paint that he didn’t buy in the store, but that he mixed himself to create the perfect shade? Is he only pretending to be a devil-may-care ne’er-do-well in designer shades and a leather jacket, but secretly he worships the Dark Elder Gods with a fiery intensity, identifying the homes of future sacrificial victims using the Mark described in the Fourth Forbidden Book?
This is the saddest Momma I’ve ever seen by an order of magnitude. In a terrible moment of clarity, Francis realizes that it will be years before he gets a scrap of approval from his mother again. “I wish I were dead,” he thinks. “I wish I were dead and stuffed like a bear in a museum case, so I could only feel this and nothing else, forever.”
Hi and Lois, 10/21/13
Lois wants to redo the kitchen and Hi doesn’t think they can afford it and Lois is mad at him about it! I’m … pretty sure this isn’t a “joke” per se?
Gasoline Alley, 10/21/13
Meanwhile, in “Slim is a hateable moron” news, Slim doesn’t understand the concept of foreign languages.
Hi and Lois, 10/11/13
This is the first Hi and Lois I can remember laughing at unironically in months. Maybe ever? What really does it for me is the look of complete horror on Dot and Ditto’s faces in the final panel. Sure, they might squabble over the best way to make chocolate milk, but their methods are still tethered to reality. They aren’t insane. Their expressions are those of two people really looking the full depths of madness in the face for the first time in their young lives.
Funky Winkerbean, 10/11/13
A character develops symptoms of a potentially fatal illness while participating in a memorial walk for another character who succumbed to a different illness after a long fight, while a third character makes a dumb bit of wordplay? This is almost the perfect Funky Winkerbean strip. If only someone had been smirking!
Family Circus, 10/11/13
“Just so you know, if your words are going to be written out and printed in the newspaper for people to read, you’d better hope that whoever does the writing knows the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, because otherwise you’re going to look pretty dumb.”
Congratulations, Luann: for the first time in years, you have caused me to feel actual empathy for your title character! I worked in libraries for much of my high school and college career, and I always enjoyed those gigs and saw them as a haven from the stressful food service jobs taken by many of my peers. I sure would’ve been upset if I had lost that job because of budget cuts, and particularly upset if I had lost that job because the library decided to spend money hiring H.R. Giger to design ever more elaborately phallic Billy the Bookworm costumes.
Usually when you see liver on a menu you’re being offered some kind of bird liver, right? What I’m saying is that this is another instance where Shoe’s goggle eyes of horror are wholly justified. “What am I, chopped liver? No, seriously! Am I to be this lunchtime’s sacrifice, my gut slit open and my organs chopped to bits and cooked for the culinary delight of my fellow bird-men? Has the day when I become chopped liver finally arrived?”
Hi and Lois, 9/23/13
I’ve seen few things in the comics more harrowing than Trixie’s expression in panel two. Her hands folded in her lap are a nice touch. Pretty sure she’s been sitting there, staring at that leaf, rolling the concept of mortality around in her mind, for several hours now.
Mary Worth, 9/23/13
“Hi Mary … it’s Wilbur! How are you? Are you making a sandwich? Are you making one right now? MY SANDWICH SENSE IS TINGLING”
Hi and Lois, 9/21/13
Boy, print media, am I right everyone? Print media’s the best. You can’t hear no gosh-darn Internet landing on your driveway with a healthy plop at 6 a.m. on a Saturday. And you certainly can’t sit up in bed smugly at an hour when a normal person would be sleeping, thinking about the print newspaper you’re about to read, and then wake up your wife, who is sleeping, because as loud as that plop is, it might not be loud enough to wake her up. She’s gotta appreciate this moment, am I right? It’ll teach her the value of the newspaper subscription. PRINT MEDIA! Please keep subscribing to the print version of your newspaper, so that your newspaper can in turn continue paying for valuable syndicated content, like comic strips.
This is probably the first time I’ve ever seen Momma remain happy for all three panels of her strip. She’s grinning maniacally and her eyes are the size of dinner plates and she had delusions of grandeur and she’s making Francis uncomfortable so probably she’s on drugs?