Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/12/16
Sheriff Tait didn’t like crimes going unsolved in his community, but when he finally figured out that the serial killer who had been preying on the Holler for years was Silas, and that he had been butchering his victims and selling their flesh to the unsuspecting townfolk, he had to admit he got a certain grim satisfaction to ending the awful carnage.
Slylock Fox, 7/12/16
You’re right to be terrified, camper! You’ve come face to face with the rare and deadly Land Lobster!
Six Chix, 7/12/16
Today’s Six Chix would like to remind you that it’s never too late to lose your ability to feel enthusiasm or joy.
“You’re all fired!”
Judge Parker, 7/11/16
I don’t really have the strength to get into the various nuances of the Sophie-Derek-Honey triangle, or how the details have shifted over time to make Sophie look better. I just want to enjoy Derek’s hilarious pissyface in panel one. Look at that thing! It’s almost like he thought inviting two girls who like him but hate each other on this trip was a good idea and the scenario was going to work out great for him and everyone else involved. Sorry Derek!
Gil Thorp, 7/11/16
Is this funeral in a church? I really want Tru to have his full on nihilist breakdown in a church. “Some things are just random. No omniscient deity guides us towards an ending that was meant to be! Nothing has any meaning!” [clergyman attempts to drag him away] “Get your hands off me, you charlatan!”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/16
Meanwhile, in the “Rex found valuable comic books under the floorboard of his attic” plot, Rex’s pals are putting the valuable comic books that have been slowly mouldering under the floorboards of Rex’s attic for decades into protective sleeves, apparently under the misapprehension that protective sleeves work retroactively.
Slylock Fox, 7/11/16
You know, considering how often Slylock has Max and Melanie over socially, you’d think he’d get some chairs they could actually sit in.
(Psst! Today’s the twelfth anniversary of the day I started this blog by writing a pissy screed about Non Sequitur, for some reason! Thanks to everyone who’s been reading for twelve years or twelve minutes. It’s still fun and you’re all great!)
Mark Trail, 6/27/16
Oh man, so after dragging on for a really long time, the Mark Trail cave adventure ended … extremely abruptly? Mark swam out through an underground passage and then Gabe and Carina followed shortly afterwards and they all emerged in the Rio Grande, the end! Suddenly, two years earlier, some wealthy couple is wrapping up their South Seas cruise on their gynormous yacht. The key questions we need to ask ourselves: Why are we seeing this in flashback? Will Mark and company stumble upon the wreckage of this yacht in the present, and need to figure out why it exploded? Because let’s make one thing absolutely clear: that boat is definitely going to explode.
Slylock Fox, 6/27/16
Oh my God, this is the most horrifying Slylock Fox mystery solution yet. We now know that the animapocalypse granted sapience to animals at all levels of the food chain, no matter how short their lifespan. “Here, try this so-called ‘magic potion,'” Slylock says to the mayfly, its mind already in a constant whirling panic over its impending mortality. “Maybe you’ll be able to stave off your inevitable death for another few days! Please, it’s for science.”
Newspaper comics creators have of course sworn a solemn oath to protect their shrinking revenues from print syndication: they must never read newspapers online. Some of them refuse to even acknowledge that newspapers put their articles on the internet; others, like Crankshaft, realize that this is an important part of the modern media landscape, but have no idea how online news works, per se. Fun fact: my very first grown-up job was at an “online magazine” where we published like 16-20 articles a month, and we published them to our website all at the same time, on the 20th of each month! This was in 1999.
Funky Winkerbean, 6/27/16
“What? No, they’re going to cut our funding. What the hell is wrong with you?”