Six Chix, 8/17/16
I really, sincerely, hope that in the original version of this comic, rejected by the syndicate with extreme prejudice and disgust, the baby bird has already hatched from her egg, and the momma bird is vomiting half-digested worms into her mouth.
Gasoline Alley and Mary Worth, 8/17/16
Women! Always wanting to “talk” and “share emotional intimacy” and all that bullshit, amiright fellas? Who needs that? Certainly not you, so long as you have the glory of untouched nature and/or powerful opioid painkillers!
Hi and Lois, 8/17/16
God as my witness, I chuckled at “Noiz 2 Men.” I chuckled audibly. You might think, from reading my unceasingly negative comics blog, that I have a heart made of stone, but I am here to tell you that I do not.
Six Chix, 8/9/16
Freed from the demands of writing Apartment 3-G, Margaret Shulock tries out for that sweet Funky Winkerbean gig.
Love the art, btw: I haven’t done a rebus in years.
Funky Winkerbean, 8/9/16
Apparently we’re just talking about hazing this week? With no actual hazing in evidence, is that it? Or maybe Forehead Girl and Horn Boy are just stone-cold hazing the crap out of one another right this instant, except they’re bonded so tightly from Stockholm Syndrome that it feels to them like the giddy throes of First Love? Sure, makes as much sense as anything.
Gil Thorp, 8/9/16
Welp, Barry “Darth” Bader, ditched at last by the teammates he’s dissed all season, has his final little locker-room sad, then it’s onward to “Somebody’s Mom is Sick.” After all the operatic hard-drinking, drive-drunking, hang-judging, Boo-murdering, funeral-going action this summer I was expecting a bigger close, but hey — there’s only a month left ’til football, and that time’s not gonna waste itself!
Judge Parker, 8/9/16
Sam and Abbey have grown so emotionally and sexually anesthetized toward one another that the only flashes of feeling they experience come from spying on and meddling in their children’s relationships. Knowing this, Sophie and Neddy stage little Facebook dramas to spark up their parents’ lives. Now playing are “Hank is leaving,” “Who hates Honey Ballenger?,” and “Neddy starts a business.”
In reality, Sophie’s the B-student treasurer of her public high school’s Future Farmers of America, and Neddy’s a Carmelite nun. Nobody tell Sam and Abbey — and especially not the strip’s new writer, who’s going to be terribly disappointed when he shows up for work at Spencer Farms on the 22nd and sees how things really are.
PS. Abbey looks nothing like that, chews tobacco, and is wearing a parka.
Oh, man, way to stick it to opera, am I right? Or, wait, no, maybe it’s actually sticking it to lowbrows who don’t like opera? Either way, this is a strip that clearly doesn’t care what toes it steps on!
Gil Thorp, 7/26/16
I’ve decided to stop worrying about Gil Thorp’s school year plowing merrily along in the final week of July and just enjoy the spectacle of Barry Bader rejecting all opportunities to Step Away From The Brink Of Monstrous Assholism. Today, we learn who the real culprit was in Boo’s death: no, not Barry’s drunk-driving dad, but physical media. CDs! They’re annoying, and out of date, and also deadly.
Six Chix, 7/26/16
Wait, so who exactly tossed this dead fish into the toilet? And who’s flushing it? And what is that purplish object the fishbowl is sitting on? And what did Uncle Billy, who almost certainly spawned in a tank in a pet store, know of the sea? I have a lot of problems with the world-building in this incredibly depressing cartoon about dead goldfish, is what I’m trying to say.