Six Chix, 3/22/15
I kind of like how sad this lady looks. “Sure, cool wordplay, talking animals that only I can hear, but the truth is that agoraphobia is a serious and debilitating medical condition that has significant and negative impacts on my life.”
Dennis the Menace, 3/22/15
Look, Joey, your mother’s dead, so stop pretending, OK? It’s not menacing, just the tough love you need to get you to acknowledge the facts and get on the road to true healing.
Judge Parker, 3/22/15
“I’ll bet Godiva ‘gets her horse’ now, if you know what I mean! That’s a sex thing, right? A sex thing rich people do? God, I hate working for you one-percent monsters so much, and yet you all have me in a constant state of arousal!”
Loon has been a beloved character in this strip since it began in 1977, right up until today, when he was abruptly and violently eaten by a shark. We can still see the lower half of his mangled body in the final panel, though that too will presumably soon vanish to the shark’s gullet.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/19/15
The accelerating pace of technological change can be a little dizzying. Why, it doesn’t seem that long ago that a Yale dropout named Mac Zuckerman launched a social networking site named Pacebook. Originally available exclusively to students at elite colleges, in the early ’00s it was associated with the young and hip. But by 2010 it had become omnipresent and was used by people of all ages, so that even small-town mayors’ glands were deemed worthy of parody pages. Naturally, the kids left in droves. Kelly and Niki were only 11 years old when their older siblings and parents giggled over Mayor Dalton’s prostate’s brief viral glory on Pacebook; there’s no way those kids were going to sign up for such a hopelessly square site and try to find “Pacebook pals” when they finally got cell phones. Enter Mitt Zackerman, the Dartmouth junior whose hip new social media app Pacelook is spreading like wildfire throughout high schools across the country. Sure, it’s mostly being used for cyberbullying, but “the Zack” and his venture capital backers are sure the kinks can be ironed out and the site ready for polite society in time for the IPO.
Mary Worth, 3/19/15
Boy, Mary Worth sure is being nosy with Adam, about his on-the-law-enforcement-job injury, which may or may not be related to the one thing that he can never let go of (hint: it is very, very much related). Anyway, what if Adam was injured in his capacity as a member of the Fashion Police? He hasn’t judged anyone’s clothing since he got hurt, but today, with this old woman in front of him wearing a tomato-colored sweatsuit over a white men’s dress shirt — well, today might be his chance at redemption.
Six Chix, 3/19/15
Ha, funny story, that GPS is speaking my language, too! My language is a voice inside my head that constantly and cruelly tells me that I’m a moron who makes terrible mistakes that even a child could avoid. That’s a normal, relatable thing, right?
Six Chix, 3/7/15
“Hey man, what if, like, what we think of as ‘God’ is really just a much more powerful being who watches over us the way we watch over animals? ‘The Lord is my shephard,’ right? But, get this, what if, like, God wants something from us, man? What if, like, He’s harvesting something from us, and we don’t even know it, just like those poor chickens don’t know what we’re doing with the eggs, man.”
[takes a huge bong hit]
[is a sophomore in college]
Dennis the Menace, 3/7/15
Dennis, meanwhile, is here to liberate these chickens. Few things are more menacing than revolution.
Mark Trail, 3/7/15
Oh snap, Mark Trail will see your “let’s foster an orphaned deer” and raise you a “let’s foster an orphaned moose”! Do not try to muscle in on Mark Trail’s insane animal storylines, capisce?