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Mary Worth, 8/11/26

Welp, I guess all the Tommy business has been resolved and now we can finally get into what we really want to know: what’s life at the Weston condo unit like when it’s just Dawn and Wilbur? Oh, you know, normal stuff, Dawn buying pans that are way too small, Wilbur being like, “Dawnie, there’s not enough room on that pan for all the food we like to eat,” Dawn taking it back to the pan store, which probably is used to this by now because they stock the small sizes that nobody really wants, etc.

Shoe, 8/11/26

Yeah, I’m just going to say it: the Perfesser is right, it sounds like his support group isn’t supportive at all and he’s not really getting much out of it. Did he accidentally join a class about how to do comedy roasts, and none of the other students are particularly funny, and this is the best they could do? Because that’s a common mistake.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/11/26

Big news, everybody! The scam twins were planning on kidnapping Sarah, but then their jailbird uncle explained to them what a “felony” is, and now they’re having second thoughts.

Dennis the Menace, 8/11/26

Everyone’s smiling in this panel and I think that’s lovely. It’s honest hard work, it keeps you in shape, you’re outdoors in the fresh air, and you often make a union wage. Yes, sir, ditch digging’s the life!

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Rhymes With Orange, 8/5/26

Stale legacy strips like Hagar the Horrible (start date: 1973) still find tired tropes like “Oooh, what if a human were to form an erotic attachment with a mermaid???” to be edgy. New, cutting-edge strips like Rhymes With Orange (start date: 1995), meanwhile, will tell you that everyone and everything under the sea, both natural and mythological, is fucking everyone and everything else.

Luann, 8/5/26

Look, man, I’ve tried to get my head around the question of how we’re supposed to parse the state of sexual relations in Luann for, literally, the bulk of my adult life, but mere minutes ago in strip time Luann and Phil were unpleasantly tongue kissing in front of her mom and now he’s like, “What if we were roommates, with separate bedrooms, to save on rent?” and … I am nothing. I am defeated utterly. I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not understand the mysteries this strip puts before me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/5/26

So far all the scams we’ve seen the Scam Twins pull off have been things like “busking but only pretending to play the violin” or “lying about being from the health department so you can eat for free at the mall food court,” so yeah, you could say that kidnapping a child would represent something of a “bigger deal.” The twins aren’t exactly drawn with what I’d call expressive faces, but I’m choosing to believe that Driver’s Seat Twin’s sunglasses levitated cartoonishly in surprise at this suggestion before settling back down on her nose in panel two.

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The Phantom, 7/30/26

The question of how an elected civilian government can keep control of its own security services is as old as democracy itself, and you have to imagine the issue is a delicate one in Bangalla, a relatively young post-colonial republic where the main paramilitary answers to a dude who lives in a cave and has much of the country believing he’s a ghost. Still, President Luaga is doing his best, letting the Ghost Who Could Probably Do A Coup If He Wanted know that he’s very disappointed about this whole “leave a supervillain in an open-air cage for years where it would be very easy for drones to free him” situation by glowering meaningfully during a Zoom call.

Six Chix, 7/30/26

Now, I’m not a doctor, but I am a comics blogger with literally decades of experience, and I can tell you that in both these scenarios that guy has Xes for eyes, which means he’s dead. Dead! Don’t worry, doctors, you don’t need to trouble yourselves, go about your business.

Gearhead Gertie, 7/30/26

I was going to do a joke about how all this time Gertie has yearned to be part of a throuple, and that the “3” t-shirts she wears constantly aren’t just about Dale Earnhardt, but I’m sorry, my heart’s not in it. Look at her face, free of any hint of guile or eroticism. She simply has done the minimum amount of mental processing necessary to respond — “husband not happy with wife? solution: husband get new wife” — while 99% of her brainpower continues to focus on watching and thinking about NASCAR, as per usual.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/26

The scam twins have decided to avenge their Uncle Rene by scamming the Morgans, despite the fact that he specifically told them not to, and have been staking out the Morgan house in order to plan their next scam move. Mainly what they’ve learned is that the Morgans are incredibly boring, which, no shit! Have you noticed that they’re barely in their own comic anymore? That’s because they’re even less interesting than whatever Buck or Auggie or Mud Mountain Murphy are up to. Do you know how uninteresting you have to be to make that happen?