The Comics Curmudgeon

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(Many) Tuesday quickies

Gil Thorp, 7/20/10

Oh, look, it’s two kids named after gated housing developments who are bratty and so notorious that Gil’s heard of them both! This addition of irritating, privileged WASP teens is probably Gil Thorp’s misguided attempt to cash in on Gossip Girl fever, several months after it faded.

Apartment 3-G, 7/20/10

Oh, man, this A3G storyline is determined to keep bringing us new delights, isn’t it? The best part about today is how quickly Tommie has switched allegiances to the latest mean girl to come on the scene and tell her what to do. Forget you, Margo, it’s all about Kat now! Oh, God, we can’t keep Kat waiting! I’ve put on my robin’s-egg-blue sweatshirt, do you think it’s ugly enough? Will Kat think it’s ugly enough?

Crock, 7/20/10

I know the kids like their comics “dark” and “edgy” these days, but I’m not sure I’m ready for Crock to devolve into Eli Roth-style torture porn.

Mary Worth, 7/20/10

That’s right, ladies: when a man doesn’t call you after a date, it’s probably because he can’t deal with how intense his feelings for you are. It’s all detailed in my new dating advice book, He’s Just Into You So Very, Very Much That He Doesn’t Know How To Express It. These sorts of plot developments explain why Mary Worth isn’t more widely read: it’s too raw, too real.

Family Circus, 7/20/10

Billy, you don’t have to do what that man says! He’s obviously no police officer: He’s a stripper-cop, and he’s just a little lost as he looks for that oceanside bachelorette party he was hired to entertain.

Rex Morgan, M.D. 7/20/10

“Or if he hears it from my wife, or one of the twelve other people I shot my mouth off to about it on my way into work today.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 02:49 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Crock, Family Circus, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

304 responses to “(Many) Tuesday quickies”

Howard
July 20th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

GT: “And if somebody shows signs of weakness… any signs of weakness… we fall on them and tear their throats out with our teeth! Seriously, man, good work pushing back. Totally not weak. This guy over here? He’s going to see a psychologist. Is that weak? Let me just lean in towards his throat… a little closer…..”
Mark D. White
July 20th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Watch out Batman, Spidey’s angling for the title of World’s Greatest Detective…
Baka Gaijin
July 20th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Crock: An apple with a pin? In panel 3 it looks like a turkey leg half-lodged…nevermind.

Mary Worth: I love Dr. Mike’s polite flat panel monitor that moves discretely out of the way for convenient conversation. Either that or the combination of Mary’s anger and salmon square breath scared it.
zenvelo
July 20th, 2010 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Why is Dr Mike holding a giant kitchen match? Is he going to try to immolate Mary Worth? Oh what joy! She’ll burn and burn, but not be consumed!
Christi
July 20th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

MW: “Yup, I’ll call her just as soon as I’m done lighting this match… and setting myself on fire… Say, how fast can you run, old lady Worth?”
Digger
July 20th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

MW: Dr. Mike’s hand gesture in panel one needs a little work. You’re supposed to raise the middle finger, doctor.
zenvelo
July 20th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Jenna is forgetting “The Rules”:

# 7 “If he does not call, he is not that interested. Period.”

We know this is hard to accept, but it’s not that he hasn’t called because he’s busy, or because you didn’t smile or talk enough (or did too much). It’s not that he lost your phone number. The bottom line is, if he hasn’t called, he’s not that interested.

from The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
finger quotin' annie
July 20th, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Gil: Actually, I think it’s that those kids are named after two famous golf courses. I don’t read Gil, but I get the sense these are brother and sister, yes? So either their bratty, WASPy parents thought those names would garner the biggest knowing chuckles at the country club social, or their hobo parents conceived each of them on the back nine of what they thought was just a really nice lawn.
Calico
July 20th, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

FC – Bachlorette party?
That dude is clearly with a Village People tribute group.
Cooler King
July 20th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

FC: Yep, good ol’ Sam here, he’s so much like a people that we won’t even miss PJ after he fell off our hotel balcony while mommy and daddy were takin’ naps after drinking all that smelly juice they had.

MW: But, my goodness Mary… YOU also know who my patients are, AND your clothing matches my office furniture. I bet you’ve heard music and gone on a walk before… oh Mary! We have so much in common, I may be in love with you now too!
Uncle Lumpy
July 20th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

FC — Hey look, the Keanes rolled out their beach blanket right in front of the “No Dogs” sign before spinning the poor rent-a-cop some “ignorance of the law” line of BS. Dennis “the Menace” better watch his back, yo!
Rodeo Clown
July 20th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

RMMD: There is always a slim chance that the disclosure of medical records could be brought about by a series of improbable plot twists. Probably involving hoboes.
BigTed
July 20th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Dearest Jenna:

You are a great woman, and I had a wonderful time with you. I may even be in love with you. And that is why I can never see you again.

For you see, I am actually an agent for a secret government organization of undercover doctors. As a result, I must frequently travel to far-off lands, protecting our nation’s freedom in exotic ways that I can never discuss. And my deep, deep feelings for you would only put you in danger. Therefore, I must say goodbye, for your own sake.

You must never tell anyone of this — especially “Mary,” better known to us as Natasha Worthshenkov. Whatever you do, don’t trust her! No one is safe in her evil clutches.

So farewell, my dear. As I fly my supersonic jet up into the clouds and head toward my next mission, I will always think of you, and what could have been.

Yours truly,

Dr. M.
Ed Dravecky
July 20th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Today’s Pibgorn is about the enormous robot penis that Pibgorn’s android clone has added to the metal skeleton she’s built for the severed head of her reincarnated vampire lover. Seriously.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 20th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

Family Circus (take two) — He looks like one of the cops from Reno 911! (A little overdressed for the beach, aren’t we?)

Candorville — Bell actually does a decent Stephen King!

Nancy/Heathcliff — What happened to building castles on the beach?

Funky Winkerbean — Calling him “Funkman” just seems wrong somehow! (It also reminds me of Jack Kirby’s “Funky Flashman” character!)
Beethoven, Buried Alive
July 20th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

The themes in Mary Worth stories seem to follow follow a rondo-like structure. Theme A is Mary’s initial clichéd advice, which in the current storyline could be expressed as “There’s someone for everyone.” Then Theme B comes into play, showing that real life is more complicated than Mary’s willing to admit, in this case, “There’s someone for everyone; too bad you’re not your someone’s someone.” But lest Mary Worth come to resemble a Raymond Carver short story, Theme A is restated with some slight modification: “There’s someone for everyone, if only you have the courage to see it.”

For the few years I’ve been reading Mary Worth, this pattern has held up. For example, Delilah: “Love will always find a way,” > “Love will find a way…to Charlie’s swingin’ bachelor pad” > “Love will keep us together,” or Amorous Aldo’s Alcoholic Adventures: “Nip a problem in the bud,” > “Nipping Bud is the problem,” > “Nip the problem with some Bud.”
AndyL
July 20th, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Why is Margo putting up with this? Margo doesn’t strike me as the type who will do anything for a chance to be on television. She should be on the phone with her lawyer lining up a lawsuit against this show and it’s somewhat illegal tactics, not meekly playing along.
Ed Dravecky
July 20th, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

A3G: Pointed ears? Check. Hair pulled back? Check. Blue science officer’s tunic from Star Trek: The Motion Picture? Check. Cold calculating logic and the strength of ten men? Check and check. Margo Magee’s makeover into Lt. Saavik is now complete!
Shawn S.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

MW: Mike’s love for Jenna is so deep that he appears to be ascending to a higher plane of existence.

S-M: Spidey has never had to think this hard, hence the ice cream headache expression.

Luann: I wouldn’t call 1995 “vintage” Mr. Evans, especially when almost all the other comic strips have been around since the dawn of time. Glad to see you learned how to draw a teenager instead of a 45-year-old housewife.
AndyL
July 20th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Besides, isn’t Margo a professional event planner and also a professional art curator? It would probably not be good for either of those businesses to be publicly humiliated on national TV for having poor taste.
This TV show will RUIN MARGO and she’s just sitting back and taking it? I can’t believe it! She must be plotting something. She must be!
Ed Dravecky
July 20th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Love is… gripping her so hard that you squeeze the stink right out of her and make her butt disappear. I know what you’re thinking but it’s even more disturbing than you imagine.
Off-the-wall Fly on the Wall
July 20th, 2010 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy: “Your’s would have been” ?! If only there were an inappropriate-apostrophe-bashin’ Margo to address this mess!
dude abides
July 20th, 2010 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

FC: Or he’s an adult film star from the 70s, sans cheessy jazz music.

What’s that blue thing they are standing on, a carpet? And is blue the official color of background people in cartoon land?
Kouban
July 20th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

What’s Tom Lennon from Reno 911 doing in the Family Circus?
Darkefang
July 20th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Something about today’s Family Circus looks very 1975-ish to me.
CleverNameIsaac
July 20th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

MW: The doctor isn’t just an emotionally distraught doctor, he’s a magician! Watch as he makes a pencil appear out of thin air!
Larry Fine
July 20th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

S-M — “I’ve gotta find out who, after I finish my afternoon nap.”
ms. docweasel
July 20th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

“Yeah, no worries if you unethically lie by omission to run for an office you may not live to hold, or if you are incapacitated by the illness and can’t perform your duties competently. The voters are too stupid to have the right to weigh that information. I’ll keep your dirty little secret.”

I thinik this guy was Robert Byrd’s doctor.
bbofun
July 20th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Yeah, “Torrey Pines” and “Kemper Lakes” are both very well-known golf course, in San Diego and near Chicago, respectively. Torrey Pines is actually a public course.

I predict that the summer’s hijinks will entail Gil trying to get these two to see that there is a world outside the links, that they need to go out and have good, clean fun at the Mudlark, bringing him into conflict with their monstrous, golf-obsessed father.

With any luck, there will be blood.
Dragon of Life
July 20th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

“I may even be in love with her! And that makes me FURIOUS!” But strain though he might, the pencil just would not snap.
Larry Fine
July 20th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

FC — Judging from the color of the background people, I’d speculate that beach is on the Gulf.
OMOT
July 20th, 2010 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

I’m thinking that Big Ted might be onto something here–the secret agent theory might also explain why “Dr. Roberts” has gone to the trouble of having his hair dyed black since he was last seen tripping the light fantastic with Jenna on the beach.

God, I love Mary Worth!
CleverNameIsaac
July 20th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

@BigTed (#13): I believe the only correct goodbye letter is:
Dearest Jenna,
I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How will I get there, I haven’t decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name…Edna. And so, let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. –Dr. M
Beethoven, Buried Alive
July 20th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

@AndyL (#20): I think so too, and I think it will involve Margo giving Kit-Kat tips from Elizabeth Báthory’s beauty manual. “You know what’s really great for the skin, Kat? A blood bath, especially virgin’s blood. Come over a minute here, Tommie.”
CleverNameIsaac
July 20th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

@CleverNameIsaac (#33): Why the wind is whispering the name “Edna” instead of “Jenna”, I’m not sure. Maybe the Doc is a two-timer.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 20th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#14): Brooke must be the most cock-crazed man since Liberace shuffled off this mortal coil.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 20th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

@BigTed (#13): I like this one better:

Dearest Jenna–

I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven’t decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name “Jenna”. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages.

P.S. I am gay.
Cooler King
July 20th, 2010 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

@CleverNameIsaac (#35):
Dear Jenna,
Welcome to Dumpsville, Population: you!

P.S. I am gay.
Some Guy
July 20th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Mudges might like today’s Shortpacked
Buck Ripsnort
July 20th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

MW: “But I really REALLY like her! I may even LOVE her!” Next quote box: Oscar Wilde “Each man kills the thing he loves.” Next week, Jenna disappears, but we find a curiously lifelike “sculpture” of her in Doc Mike’s apartment.
Some Guy
July 20th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Which would have been great, if I’d successfully linked to it. Let’s try that again.

Today’s Shortpacked
Patrick
July 20th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

“I don’t call Jenna because I’m in love with her. And I keep my computer screen turned out toward my office because it shows respect for HIPAA privacy laws. They don’t call me Dr. Opposite for nothing, Mary.”
Larry Fine
July 20th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

MW — “I’m sorry I haven’t called Jenna back, Mary, but when we were on the beach I saw three kids with a dog talking to this mustachioed policeman, and, well, I just can’t get that handsome officer out of my mind!”
bats :[
July 20th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#14): maybe Geoff Peterson got outfitted with one of these things during his recent upgrade.
Beethoven, Buried Alive
July 20th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

@Patrick (#42): If he’s the one who administers Mary’s enemas, it explains why she’s full of shit.
bats :[
July 20th, 2010 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

@Shawn S. (#19): re Luann: when I met mr. bats :[ in 1982, he’d already invested in a CD player and by 1984 we had a sizable collection of CDs. Even if that was a pricey proposition back then, 1995 is more than 10 YEARS later. What an effin’ tightwad old Papa DeGroot is. Ever hear of a birthday gift? Chistmas gift? No wonder Blondie gives you a quick wave on her way out on any Father’s Day.
Little Guy
July 20th, 2010 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Pibgorn: “I…. am…. I-ron Wang….”

FC: (spinning gun chamber, followed by gunshot) I call “Bradley Whitford shoutout” !
bats :[
July 20th, 2010 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#44): speaking of Geoff Peterson, here’s a rough sketch of Geoff by his designer, Grant Imahara. Darned good thing he was designed by BMcE.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 20th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#14): he’s not kidding, nor exaggerating. That is exactly what today’s Pibgorn is about. (for those avoiding the link.)

If Gil Thorp was a manga, Torrey Peake would look like this. (PG rated cosplay pics, perhaps not the greatest thing to have open at work.)
BeamStalk
July 20th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Dr. Mike’s love is so strong it is just too much for the universe to handle. So in a bit of self preservation it has decided to eat Dr. Mike. This will also save him from Mary’s meddling. Sadly, Dr. Mike and the universe are about to find out just how powerful Mary’s meddling is when she brings Mike back and starts her universally meddling. We are all doomed, the end is nigh!
BeamStalk
July 20th, 2010 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

hell, universal not universally meddling.
Larry Fine
July 20th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

FW — You mean there are GOOD days in the Funkyverse???
Colage
July 20th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

The Keane Klan has some serious huevos to set up camp – Barfy in tow – directly in front of the “No Dogs Allowed” sign.
JupiterPluvius
July 20th, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

That’s right, ladies: when a man doesn’t call you after a date, it’s probably because he can’t deal with how intense his feelings for you are.

That actually did happen to me once! I was happily moving on and dating other people, when I heard from an acquaintance we had in common that Mr. No-Call was completely in love with me and talking about how he wanted to marry me. I don’t know if he expected to do that by telepathy or what.

I dodged a bullet there!
JupiterPluvius
July 20th, 2010 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Also, I think you should cut Billy some slack. He’s too young to recognize one of the Village People.
Johnny Q
July 20th, 2010 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

THE FAMILY CIRCUS: That reminds me of the TEQUILA SUNRISE scene where the cops are staking out Mel Gibson’s beach party by pretending to be from Animal Control, but Gibson notices: “Wrong size handcuffs.”
bats :[
July 20th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

@Colage (#53): no, the Keane Klan has some serious illiteracy issues. Even if Thel and Big Daddy Bil are nowhere in sight, Billy should’ve been able to read the sign, and perhaps Dolly could have, too.
Sam is likely mortified by this entire confrontation.
Cranky
July 20th, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

@BeamStalk (#50): No, no, the inky blackness enveloping Dr. Mike Roberts is Meddlium (TM), a new compound from DuPont which self-replicates around its victim until it squeezes the plot-convenient but ridiculous behavior right out of him.
Steve S
July 20th, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

The vibe in Gil Thorp’s second panel is somewhere between Swedish art film and gay porn. In other words, it’s as coherent as any other Gil Thorp panel.

Someone should tell Tommie that hospital gowns are for patients.

“Yes, Mary, thank you for coming to my office to discuss my dating life. By the way, I’m charging you $100 an hour for this.”
Throatwobbler Mangrove
July 20th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

9CL: Edie/Eva/whatever your name is at this point: Eat a goddamned strudel or two. Real women’s butts aren’t as flat as a weiner schnitzel.

Ballard St. As someone who was raised on Monty Python, The Far Side and the 1960’s campy Batman TV series, I really appreciate how comics like this allow me to start my day with a healthy dose of WTF.

Edge City: I cannot think of ANY strip right now that is less exciting or interesting than Edge City. It’s not dull in the making-me-fall-asleep way, it’s dull in the why-would-any-comics-page-editor-think-this-deserved-attention way. To think there are people who find this strip hilarious or even mildly amusing makes me lose a little more faith in humankind.

Momma: I actually didn’t hate today’s strip. In fact it caused a brief grin. I feel dirty, guys.

Spiderman: Don’t think too hard, Parker. Maybe pull out some crayons and draw a picture of a doggie or a horsey, lest your peanut-sized brain implode from thinking beyond your capacity.

Wizard of Id: Cheese and hangovers…sounds like a typical weekend for me.
seismic-2
July 20th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

MW: “Mary, I am totally enraptured by Jenna and madly in love with her, but I have just received a text message from the boss of a woman I haven’t spoken to in 10 years and didn’t even know was still alive, saying that this woman has been in a hospital recovering from her war wounds and making herself perfect before she even dares to contact me. You want to talk about not hearing from someone after a week, huh??? Try 10 years! So of course I must dump Jenna and run to this woman and marry her, because that is the honorable thing to do! I shall always miss Jenna, though, because she looked so fetching in that SS uniform that she wore in the bedroom…”
Perky Bird
July 20th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: Why does the beach have a doormat at its entrance? “Keep our beach clean–wipe your feet”?
BeamStalk
July 20th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

@Cranky (#58): But what point would there be to Mary then? Unless DuPont is harvesting Mary for the Meddlium, like the Nibblonians were the only source of dark matter in Futurama. Now I am picturing Mary in a cage with virtual reality glasses on, in some secret DuPont factory, meddling with fake people, while the DuPont scientists extract the Meddlium.
Andysocial
July 20th, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

I don’t know what impresses me more about that cop…how he keeps the fake mustache affixed despite the hot weather, or that he’s clearly leaning on a sign floating of its own accord in space. At least Jeffy looks inquisitive.
T Clone
July 20th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Besides, Mr. Policeman, sir, we need him to ‘member where we buried PJ.
Sophie
July 20th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

I’m beginning to harbor the suspicion that this doctor fellow has some sort of mood disorder. Fortunately, you can tell how potentially violent his reactions to meddling will be by the color of his hair. When Mary was first prying her bony fingers into his affairs, his hair was a lackluster and somewhat offensive pinkish-brown which demonstrates he will be feckless in attempts to ward her off. Thus Mary was able to claw her way into his non specifically bad love life. Now, however, his hair has darkened an unnatural coal highlighted with electric blue. Mary would be wise to untangle this one from her web as he thrusts a large match at her threateningly in the final panel. From the background it appears that, in a rage of emotion, he has already set himself alight.

Or her has been replaced by Dr. Drew Corey, whose love ‘em and leave ‘em attitude is well known in a single condo complex.
BeamStalk
July 20th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Are we sure that is not Big Daddy Bil testing his programming in his children to see if they are ready and able to stand up against the evil secularists found outside the compound?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 20th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

@BeamStalk (#50): Mary is Thanos? *scratches head in puzzlement*
seismic-2
July 20th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

SM panel 3: “Who???” *scratches head in puzzlement* Or dandruff.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 20th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan — Hizzoner could release his own medical records… or he could sit back and do nothing! Either way his secret won’t remain a secret for long! People are already aware of the fact that the mayor has started taking frequent bathroom breaks — and they probably suspect it’s due to a medical condition!

The Flying McCoys — No beef tip for him!

Crock — At least we were spared the sight of Captain Poulet’s hideous Rondo Hattonesque face today!
BeamStalk
July 20th, 2010 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#68): That would explain a lot now, wouldn’t it?
seismic-2
July 20th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Clearly the city in which Stu is running for mayor is not Westview. There, every conversation begins with a thorough discussion of the status of one’s prostate.
Edgy DC
July 20th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

I think the best part of Family Circus is that they defiantly set up the the blanket at the base of the “No Dogs Allowed” sign. Are even the parents illiterate, or do they think starring in your own strip gives you some sort of immunity?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 20th, 2010 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

@BeamStalk (#71): It would. If Mary had a comics avatar, I would have thought it to be Granny Goodness, not a Rule 63′d Thanos.
deb
July 20th, 2010 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: Did the parents just drop the kids off at the beach to fend for themselves? Why aren’t they taking the dogs out for a day at the Dog Beach? Ah, yes, they don’t have internet to look up the location of the nearest dog beach. And poor Barfy didn’t get to go, did he do a booboo on the carpet and is being punished?
ks
July 20th, 2010 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

“I can’t believe my political opponent is about find out I have cancer, and I haven’t even managed to find out his name. Talk about an informational imbalance!”
littlestevie
July 20th, 2010 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

GT: Oooh, I wonder where the other golfing savant kids are. There is the Page family’s daughter, Beth and of course the Wood’s son, Bush (no Tiger innuendo intended).
Uncle Lumpy
July 20th, 2010 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

Rex looks all medical in his white coat. I bet he sneaks looks at himself while his patients are busy weeping.
m1ngle
July 20th, 2010 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Crock – I don’t even get the joke here. The scenario seems to be Marcos brought Crock a grenade and now Crock is going to blow him up with it. Is the joke that Crock is cruel? That Marcos is stupid?
OMJulie
July 20th, 2010 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

@Larry Fine (#52): Note the phrasing: “Some days are better than others.” She’s not admitting to any good days, per se, just days that are relatively less soul-destroying than others.
Tom
July 20th, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe you didn’t comment on today’s Blondie. How a blatant misspelling of teriyaki got past the artist, editor, syndicate, etc. is beyond belief.
Ed Dravecky
July 20th, 2010 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Wait, why are we assuming that Funky has recovered from his car crash? The dialogue works just as well if he’d suffered massive brain trauma and has lucid moments in between the delusions that it’s 1970-something. To Batiuk’s credit, using an unreliable narrator and doing it well would be “writing” in an entirely complimentary, non-ironic sense. Now to find out if he’s doing it well or just half-assing through like he usually does.
TheOriginalSteve-Dave
July 20th, 2010 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

No, Spider-Man, you’ve “gotta find out” WHOM.
Walker of Dog
July 20th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

MW: Dr. Mike’s attempt to intimidate Mary with a demonstration of his physical strength backfires badly: “Alas, because of previous failed romances, my heart is as fragile as this pencil. One more disappointment could cause me to snap, just like this… like… this… wait, give me a minute…mrphh … just like THIS…. RRRGGH…”

As Dr. Mike, red-faced and grimacing, wrestles the unbroken pencil to the floor, Mary leaves to go plan the wedding.

@Perky Bird (#62): After the unspeakable mess Jenna and Dr. Mike left the other day, the beach patrol can’t be too careful.
Fashion Police
July 20th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

Naming one’s children after golf courses is simultaneously pretentious and pedestrian. We might have been impressed if Mr. Peake had named them after Ann Quast and Francis Ouimet. One wonders why they are slumming at the public course instead of taking individual private instruction at the Club.
spike
July 20th, 2010 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

@OMJulie (#80): Well, any day in Westview sans cancer, car wreck, catastrophe…

MW: “I may even be in love with her…but I first need to discuss my feelings with Dr. Morgan.”
Stu
July 20th, 2010 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

@Larry Fine (#43): HA!!
zerowolf
July 20th, 2010 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

FW: “Some days are better than others. Today he’s fairly lucid, but other times he thinks he’s back in the past. As soon as the lawyer gets done hiding all our assets and there is an opening I’m stuffing him in that dump he put his father.”
Monkey David
July 20th, 2010 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Josh, I don’t even play golf and I know what Torrey Pines is. I do not, however, know what “Eli Roth-style torture porn” is. I think this says more about you than it does about me.
Crankenstank
July 20th, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

You know, I was looking at Family Circus this morning and kind of wondering where that stripe on the cop’s pants leg was going. It seems to have, um, crossed the center divide, if you follow.
Ktrout
July 20th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

“Sorry kids, no dogs allowed. Now help me find my feet.”
Government Cheese
July 20th, 2010 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

MW: A ha! Its obvious that Dr. Roberts deliberately did not contact her right after the date knowing that meddling Mary Worth would come in and request appointment to demand an explanation. Cha ching! Now he can bill Mary’s fat health insurance policy and still get the girl.

“Uh yeah, I’ll contact her, um I think you also need a MRI.”
troy macgregor
July 20th, 2010 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

MW: I don’t like where this story is going as the inky nothingness encircles the “good doctor”. “…I think I even be IN LOVE with her! MWAHAHAHAHAHA. She would look great stuffed mounted on my tangerine colored walls!”

On an unrelated note, I’ve recently come into possession of a circa-1960 Westinghouse stereo console. I know next to nothing about vacuum tubes, but I can definitely see the amplifier tubes are visibly blown. Are any of you ‘mudges out there familiar with tube equipment, and will I have to get someone to bias the replacement tubes when I get them?
Austria
July 20th, 2010 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Arch: ….Oh, geez. And I had forgotten about it too. *rubs eyes* I had this dream last night that a comic store opened, so I went inside all eager to see what they had, and all it was, was Archie porn. I can’t…I can’t look at this strip.

BGSS: COLORING GNOOOOOMMMMMMES
COLORING GNOMES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

FC: Billy, I think Cesar Milan would like a few words with you.

FW: “An auto accident”? “An auto accident”?! Seriously, who says that?!?

Luann: What they didn’t tell you is that this is just a remake of a REAL vintage strip. “Well, Dad, according to this article, 60% of kids my age own 8-tracks!” “Or, I could say ‘Gosh, 40% of kids are happy with their perfectly good gramophones!’”
Carrie at the prom
July 20th, 2010 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

Well, my Dad thinks FW has gotten downright boring since Funky woke up. Too bad that time travel plot line got us nowhere.
Uncle Lumpy
July 20th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

@troy macgregor (#93):

You should rebias the power tubes (the four big ones at the back) — there’s probably a pot (circular resistor) right next to them. Whoever does it will need the schematic, a good multimeter, and some experience working with circuits that can definitely kill you if you do it wrong.
Mountain Mama
July 20th, 2010 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Re: “Mary Worth” The great Dave Barry, in his “Guide to Guys”, states that men will not call because if you keep going out and having a good time, you’ll eventually have to get married and probably stay married. Then you’ll be on a beach 40 years from now and bikini models will want to have sex with you and YOU CAN’T.

Because you’re married.

I know that’s why the guys I had a great time with never called me back. I was too charming and irresistible!

What?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 20th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

@TheOriginalSteve-Dave (#83): Sorry, but Grammatica has to weigh in here. Far be it from me to support Peter Parker in any way, but he’s correct in using “who”; complete the sentence for him, and you’ll see why: “I gotta find out who’s controlling him.”
seismic-2
July 20th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

GT: Actually, Torrey and Kemper are the lucky ones. Older brother Sawgrass became a hopeless stoner, and younger sister Pebble committed suicide after the 37,264th person asked her “Where’s Bam-Bam?”.
Techie
July 20th, 2010 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorpe: I’m having a hard time picturing the couple that names their children after golf courses. Truly, they are the Uber-WASPs, spoken only of in legend.
Nekrotzar
July 20th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

So today’s GT has 7 speech bubbles, and that means that there are 7! = 5040 different ways in which these speech bubbles may be ordered. Also, there are 3 characters (I think. With GT it isn’t always easy to tell), which means that there are 3^7 = 2187 different ways that bubbles can be assigned to characters.

That means that there are 11022480 ways in which the speech in today’s GT can be organized. And not a single one of them is less coherent than the one the author selected.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 20th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

Crock – Perhaps I was rash in assuming it was a “pineapple” like we see in gangster movies and that one “Man from U.N.C.L.E.” episode. Maybe it’s just a Choke Pear.

@BigTed (#13) and @CleverNameIsaac (#33): “…and, oh yes; I still hate yo-yos!”

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#74): Ouch! Mary “Granny Goodness” Worth — that’s dead-on perfect.
Binder's Butter Beans
July 20th, 2010 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

This is the first time I’ve ever laughed right out loud at Apartment 3G! (It may be the first time anyone’s ever laughed right out loud at A3G.) I’m going to start asking people if they’ve got they’re ugly outfit on yet. Oh man.
Beethoven, Buried Alive
July 20th, 2010 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

@Nekrotzar (#101): Therein lies Rubin and Whigham’s genius. If the strip is incomprehensible to begin with, it is impossible to misinterpret—by virtue of there being nothing to interpret.
Joe the Plugger
July 20th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

MW: Wow. I actually knew a girl once who insisted that the reason her boyfriend broke up with her was because he liked her too much and was afraid of how strong his feelings were. I’d completely forgotten about that until this moment.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 20th, 2010 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

@troy macgregor (#93): Congratulations on your recent acquisition. What tube number are your power tubes? I’d be curious if you will be able to find old new-stock or have to go with Russian replacements…
Emily K [Riff Chick]
July 20th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

A3-G: “Luann, are you dressed in your ugly outfit yet?” in other words, are you dressed yet?
seismic-2
July 20th, 2010 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

The punchline of today’s Barney & Clyde is “Fossilized hobo poop.” This strip is only about a month old, and already it has gone meta.
Écureuil Écumant
July 20th, 2010 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

@troy macgregor (#93): You will also quite likely have to replace many of the capacitors, particularly the big electrolytics for the power supply, and any paper caps. Here’s a good explanation.
gnome de blog
July 20th, 2010 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98) said:

“who”;

“
I wouldn’t dream of questioning Grammatica’s expertise, but is there a general rule for when the punctuation goes outside the quotation marks?

@seismic-2 (#99):
The week’s barely started and already a COTW contender!
Écureuil Écumant
July 20th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#108): Yeah, and you’re certainly aware that even the most constipated hobo poop is gonna take a whole lot longer than a hundred years to turn into coprolite.
Indichik
July 20th, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

I’d accuse the writer of Mary Worth of giving young single girls unrealistic romantic expectations, but let’s face it, anyone turning to Mary Worth for advice probably has no romantic expectations to begin with.
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

A3G — I have a bad feeling that the “ugly outfits” are going to look like most of the stuff in my closet. This storyline may inspire Margo Day, in which I clean out the closet and hurl most of the contents into a bag for Goodwill, while snarling to myself and sipping cherry cola mixed with gin.
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

MW — I did talk with a guy once who said the reason he never spoke to a very attractive girl in his high school homeroom was because he was so completely smitten with her that rejection would have been agony. But he was a high school sophomore and he didn’t know the girl. Whereas Doctor Doofus actually went out with Jenna Awkward, and she made it clear that she liked him. So yeah, he’s a fruitcake.
spike
July 20th, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

Phantom: Hey, Warden! The Python’s imprisoned in the neighboring country, and some days are worse than others…
Mibbitmaker
July 20th, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

FC: Male strippers? Nay! This is the real story behind today’s FC cops (from 1976):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d92aeFVPKJY&feature=fvw
Mibbitmaker
July 20th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#116): That is, cop on the strip, cops in the video.
troy macgregor
July 20th, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#106): The amplifier uses one big 5U4-GB tube, a pair of 7591 tubes, and one 12AX7 tube. Fortunately you can buy brand new versions of all those tubes. It also has an electrolytic capacitor I’ll no doubt have to replace. I tested out the record changer and saw the platter moving very slowly. I’m not sure if the motor needs to be lubricated or replaced.
Black Drazon
July 20th, 2010 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Ah, a rare shot in panel-two of the dark side of the Meddling Force eating away at the good doctor’s aura. He wonders tentatively if his desk is dry enough to catch the she-devil on fire if he should light it, but a tendril slinks towards his skin out of view. He is already lost to us.
bman
July 20th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

MW- Dr. Mike is stammering nervously to get Mary Worth to leave, as we all would. But dear God, he need to learn when to stop: “…I had a wonderful time with her! …I may even be in love with her! …I might propose to her tonight! …Can you recommend a good wedding planner?”
Uncle Lumpy
July 20th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

@troy macgregor (#118):

I’m not sure if the motor needs to be lubricated or replaced.

If it’s turning at all, it’s probably just sticky from old oil and dust: try blowing it out with compressed air, then light oil on the bearings of the motor and any pulleys. Contact cleaner on the brushes won’t hurt either, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the problem.
chrishocker
July 20th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

It looks like Dr. Mike has been horribly photoshopped out of an orange background into a more mood-fitting black background. The colorists probably use Gimp.
Jumper
July 20th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Poor Billy. If he’d shown up with a poop scooper and told the cop he knew what’s what, the cop would probably given him a nod. But I suspect that’s not the Keane way. It is, after all, Mommy’s job.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 20th, 2010 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#110): Not a general rule, but a few specific ones, including that a semi-colon goes outside the quotation marks. Commas and periods normally go inside; exclamation points and question marks can go inside or out, depending on what’s being said:
Mary Worth asked, “Why haven’t you called Jenna?”
Who in his right mind would say to Mary Worth, “I think I’m in love with her”?

And one could even end up with this:
Did Mary Worth actually have the gall to ask, “Why haven’t you called Jenna?”?

Punctuation is fun!
Paddy
July 20th, 2010 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

That’s no stripper-cop. That is clearly Big Daddy Keane in a crude disguise, no doubt attempting to teach his children the lesson that the whole world enforces arbitrary rules of no particular necessity or merit, so they might as well get used to the Draconian structure of the Keane household now.
Girawolf
July 20th, 2010 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Just for a moment, I saw Mary as sitting behind the desk, and the dude in the chair as the supplicant. From that angle, Mary appeared as the Empress of the Megacorp Factory of Meddle. Awesome!
commodorejohn
July 20th, 2010 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

@Fashion Police (#85): Naming one’s children after golf courses suggests that one is Mort Walker.
Joe Blevins
July 20th, 2010 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

MW: “I don’t know why I hesitate with a great woman like Jenna! is it my innate dickishness? My demanding, time-consuming career? My secret wife and children two towns over? Counsel me, Mary!”
carbunicle
July 20th, 2010 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

@zenvelo (#4): I wish I could vote for COTW.
tb4000
July 20th, 2010 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

FC: Do the Keane kids still have Barfy, or did they murder his ass?

Crock: That’s not even a punchline, that’s just…..damn.
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

MT — Am I the only one who sees a few problems ahead for this perp?
mr 12 oz can
July 20th, 2010 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

mary worth- the reason mike didnt call back is because he was a big fan of ted bundy and had to drive somewhere to kill someone . why else would he dye his hair black. he would have killed jenna but mary would have turned him in .
mark trail – just wondering if mark rented the room for short stay or overnight . rusty said he liked the mirrored room with the waterbed.
gil thorp – why not just name the kid tiger nine iron
Andy L
July 20th, 2010 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

What’s the story with the Family Circus’s two dogs?

Why is Sam in a somewhat realistic style (Moreso than the humans) but Barfy is drawn in a cartoony style that fits the strip much more?
Joe Blevins
July 20th, 2010 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

How do people in Mary Worth keep from vomiting through their tear ducts at the hideous clothes, furniture, and interior decorating they’re forced to endure on a daily basis?
seismic-2
July 20th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

MW: “I don’t know why I hesitate with a great woman like Jenna! Although, of course, according to this case file that her therapist kindly shared with me and that I’ve conveniently left open on my desk and turned up-side down for you to read, the woman has issues!”
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 20th, 2010 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

“Archie Marries Jughead” is the name of a three-page spoof of “Archie Marries Veronica” in Mad #504 (August 2010). It’s written by Charlie Kadau and drawn by R. Sikoryak. Since Mad retails for a whopping $5.99 a copy these days, I suggest you look in the periodical section of your local library!
dale
July 20th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#131):

Mark Tool

The guy has problems if he is using his home phone for the second call.

Up to that point, (1) what crimes did he commit and (2) what could he be convicted of given a competent lawyer?
The dog isn’t his, but he admits he found it. It’s not like he broke into a legal animal shelter and stole the thing.
The first phone call was simply an inquiry about a reward and some exasperation that it wasn’t larger. (Why was Cherry guessing? She should have known or kept her mouth shut.)
Anonymous
July 20th, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

First time visiting this site. Do you ever comment on comic strips that aren’t thirty years out of date?
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

@dale (#137): Hmm. Interesting points. I actually don’t know if there’s any legal requirement to return a found animal to the original owner, but I would kind of hope and assume that such a requirement exists. Even though Mark and Horror-Face Boy leave a lot to be desired as owners.
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#138): Welcome! And to answer your question, we comment on whatever comics it amuses us to comment upon.
Andy L
July 20th, 2010 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

That’s a fascinating desk layout that doctor lovelorn is sporting there. When he sends an email he must lay face down on his desk the long way, with his legs bent up at the knees, like he’s at some sort of sleep-over party.
He is perfect for Jenna.
Jason1981
July 20th, 2010 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

MW: “Actually, the truth is, I didn’t call her because== unlike you– I have a f*cking LIFE, and a job. Now get the hell outta my office, you meddling old fart. “
Jason1981
July 20th, 2010 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

argh, damn , must’ve hit the key with the “equal” sign instead of the one with the dash.
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#138): Actually, I’d say that some of the comics we comment on are forty or fifty years out of date.
Larry Fine
July 20th, 2010 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#138): It’s kind of difficult to poke fun at something that is contemporary and funny, like Pearls Before Swine. The outdated strips, like Beetle Bailey and Family Circus, are much more inviting targets.
Poteet
July 20th, 2010 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#138): I myself am a character in a comic strip that no longer exists. So there’s that.
heynoni
July 20th, 2010 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

#6 DIGGER: Actually, Dr Mike’s hand gesture makes it perfectly clear that the reason he hesitates to have intimate relations with another human being is because his intimate relations have predominantly been solo affairs in the past.
NoahSnark
July 20th, 2010 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Fortunately for the mayor information about prostate cancer doesn’t leak – it dribbles.
commodorejohn
July 21st, 2010 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Re: Pibgorn – PENISES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY.
BananaSam
July 21st, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]

Gil Thorpe, with special guest Vin Diesel as Kemper.
bats :[
July 21st, 2010 at 12:31 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#149): they do if you’re a canid, or a rodent, or a pinnaped. Of course, those tend to be made out of bone…

7/21

MT: in anticipation of potential punching, Puppy McNapper has shaved off his mustache. Again. (Come ON, Mr. Elrod!)

MW: “Well, to be honest, Mrs. Worth, I have this…um, thing…on my weenie.”
“Ewwwwwwww.”
Walker of Dog
July 21st, 2010 at 12:41 am [Reply]

7/21 strips:

FC: Jeffy can’t go poo without his bucket.

RMMD: Rex is intrigued. He wonders what it would be like to get “thrown” under a bus. But first he will need to check the Urban Dictionary and make sure it means what he thinks it means.

JP: According to Zeno’s dichotomy paradox, Abbey will never set down that vase and Sam will never drink that soda.

MW: The carefully chosen color combination in Dr. Mike’s office (tangerine, pumpkin, kelly green, and dirt floor) has left Mary disoriented. How else could she have uttered the words “You should look into fixing it!”?

Phan: The warden’s abrasive management style has undermined the entire organization, including the bloodhounds, who are so demotivated they aren’t even bothering to lick themselves.

FW: Holly’s wordplay with a stale cliché: mildly amusing. But Funky’s mention of his brush with death? Comedy gold!
teddytoad
July 21st, 2010 at 12:42 am [Reply]

Crock: “devolve”…?

FC: Ignorantia juris non excusat, Billy.
This Guy
July 21st, 2010 at 12:59 am [Reply]

7/21
RMMD: “…or if I run into Mary Worth. You’ll want to watch out for that.”
bats :[
July 21st, 2010 at 1:10 am [Reply]

@Walker of Dog (#152): re RMMD: and then, sometimes the most literal meaning is the closest.
Poteet
July 21st, 2010 at 1:12 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#149): won’tlookwon’tlookwon’tlookwon’tlook…

@bats :[ (#151): won’tenvisionwon’tenvisionwon’tenvisionwon’tenvision…
commodorejohn
July 21st, 2010 at 1:23 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#151): True, but if Brooke didn’t pay enough attention in sex-ed class to learn that human dongs don’t work that way, I’m reasonably certain he didn’t pay enough attention in biology class to learn that the man-bits of certain other species do.

@Poteet (#156): It’s…it’s almost worth a look just for being so jaw-dropping in its stupidness. If you didn’t know better, you’d think it was drawn by a thirteen-year-old girl who’s never seen one before, instead of a man who’s married with children.
Tophat
July 21st, 2010 at 1:26 am [Reply]

“Who vowed to cut excess spending by 30 percent and then spent $50 on a hideous dye job? You need a candidate you can trust, and preferably one without a horrifically swollen prostate. Paid for by the Prostate Cancer is Gross fund.”
bats :[
July 21st, 2010 at 1:32 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#157): I’m wondering if he’s trying to get booted by gocomics.com, too.
(I went back to this, and wept a little for Geoff Peterson.)
ElkMeadow
July 21st, 2010 at 1:59 am [Reply]

@BigTed (#13):

Natasha Worthshenkov. That’s a keeper.
Poteet
July 21st, 2010 at 2:04 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#157): I looked, and yeah, I don’t think that thing is going to work very well. And it’s about as erotic as one of Mary W’s icy stares.
ChattyGenes
July 21st, 2010 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Hi Poteet!

If you’re still up, check your email! :-)
ElkMeadow
July 21st, 2010 at 2:15 am [Reply]

I wish for once that Family Circus and other “dogs are our family” strip would quit the crap (pun not intended) and show that dogs do NOT belong on a family beach: Big dogs like Marmaduke and Farley and Barfy leave their piles on the beach. P.J. picks some up, thinking it’s chocolate, Jeff sits in it and the dad gets it on his sandals.

But then, that’s probably what goes on at their house every day anyway.
troy macgregor
July 21st, 2010 at 2:20 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#157): The overly verbose and pretentious writing style matched with the soft, delicate drawing style and the awkward sexuality. I like to still pretend McEldowney actually is a 13 year old girl. It would make hell of a lot more sense, wouldn’t it?
Petal Metal
July 21st, 2010 at 2:24 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: If Dr. Mike’s feelings are too intense to express, he should try chugging down a bottle of wine like Jenna. It takes the edge off.
ElkMeadow
July 21st, 2010 at 2:25 am [Reply]

@Anonymous (#138):

Do you ever comment on comic strips that aren’t thirty years out of date?

Wow. Hadn’t thought of that before. Maybe that’s why we never commented on Little Orphan Annie–its update was too successful. While practically every other strip IS thirty years out of date, like Lu Ann’s clothes and Luann’s jokes. Especially FBOFW; its strips were originally published about thirty years ago, and now we’re seeing them again. Prince Valiant, now that’s about a thousand years out of date.

Up-to-date ones–Doonesbury, Candorville, Dilbert, Sherman’s Lagoon, PBS–they soar, man, they soar. (Well, not Candorville so much…I’m waiting for Sunshine the Demon Dawg to return to the story line. And PBS begs us to notice it, right Pig?)
Rumon
July 21st, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

MW: Unable to avoid her terrible, and un-Care-Bear-like stare, the good doctor has no choice but to begin vibrating rapidly, while praying to any kind of higher power that he is, in fact, The Flash.
Farley's Revenge
July 21st, 2010 at 2:35 am [Reply]

MW: Wait. What? One blind date and Mary’s planning the silver anniversary party? How did she get “love” out of Dr. Mike talking about Jenna being a “great girl”-and isn’t that a euphemism for “low-rent stalker with a ponytail”-and she’s ordering him to hook up with Jenna again?

Dr. Mike’s a shrink. If Mary isn’t careful, he’ll have her committed to the Santa Royale JiffyWash and Meddler Storage Facility, where she will no longer be a threat to citizens just wanting to live their lives without feeling the need to stab themselves in the ears with pencils. The good of the many outweighs the need of the one to meddle and serve salmon squares.
seismic-2
July 21st, 2010 at 3:12 am [Reply]

@Anonymous (#138), @ElkMeadow (#166): Well, although it’s been stuck in a WWII flashback for almost a year (!!) now, 9 Chickweed Lane is at least allegedly contemporary, and people here do comment on it. If you count screaming, vomiting, tearing one’s hair, and gouging one’s eyes with hot pokers to be “commenting”, of course.
Bill Murray
July 21st, 2010 at 3:31 am [Reply]

Back when she was going through her Easy Steensma phase, Kemper Lakes was known as The Kemper Open. Because everyone in Milford knows their minor PGA Tour events, and likes to call out the trollopes. That is what they called them back in Gil’s heyday (which came September 10, 1958) isn’t it?
Roman Fingers
July 21st, 2010 at 3:35 am [Reply]

Coming Thursday, Cranky explains the importance of the M1 money supply…

A3G:Lu Ann now knows that cherry cola and gin don’t mix. Neither does pink champagne and Noodle-O’s, but I won’t say how I know that.

MT:Luckily, the Killer Rabbit has left the cave, and is hot on the trail of Evil McStachey. Run away, McStachey, Run Away!

MW:”It’s not her, it’s me” means only one thing. Jenna’s lousy in the sack.

Gil Thorp: That “HRONK” sound is the noise you get when you skull a 2 iron, and the ball hits a duck in the ass. I won’t say how I know that, either.
Trogdor
July 21st, 2010 at 3:39 am [Reply]

9CL: I finally understand the purpose for Gran’s endless story. She’s trying to dull Juliette’s understanding of the truth. I mean, let’s consider – the innocent outfits that turn slutty, a camera taking ‘casual’ but sexy pictures, and finally the music starts playing and Eva and Keisl start stripping off their clothes … Gran’s trying to explain how she got started in her porn career. That’s not a tango that’s playing in the background. It actually goes more like bow-chicka-bow.
Roman Fingers
July 21st, 2010 at 3:39 am [Reply]

@Bill Murray (#170): I think the term back then was “Town Bike”…
seismic-2
July 21st, 2010 at 3:53 am [Reply]

SM (7/21): “I nearly killed Spider-Man — and I’ve no idea why.” Me neither, dude. What’s up with that “nearly” business, anyway?
Ed Dravecky
July 21st, 2010 at 5:48 am [Reply]

In Pibgorn, the actual title character has been left to die in the vacuum of space and the new protagonist is a sex-obsessed android duplicate who brought the severed head of her vampire lover back to life on an alien starship. She’s building him a new body with an enormous robot penis and today assures him, “And you’re going to love my lubrication.” God help us all.

…

I’d never heard of Pibgorn before finding this site and I bet many of my fellow ‘mudges were similarly innocent of it beforehand. To prevent anybody else from being infected, I propose we add The Fairy Who Shall Not Be Named to the elite club whose membership now includes only a certain duck. Bonus points if a major media outlet decided to take on a cartoonist who spent the last nine months prattling on about those honorable, kind, and sexy Nazis and their deflowering of American womanhood. Anybody with me? Josh?
Ed Dravecky
July 21st, 2010 at 6:07 am [Reply]

A3G has our heroines hungover and puffy, B.C. is about a wolf sniffing his own stale urine, FC features Jeffy’s inability to poop unsupervised, FW shows the lighter side of head trauma, and Peanuts shows Sally burning her girl parts on hot concrete but today’s Pibgorn is still so much more disturbing on so many levels.
John C Fremont
July 21st, 2010 at 6:20 am [Reply]

@troy macgregor (#164): When I first started reading 9CL, I actually thought that Brooke was a girl. I’m told I was wrong.
Ned Ryerson
July 21st, 2010 at 6:36 am [Reply]

MW: Uh oh, Dr. Mike is employing the “it’s not you, it’s me routine”.

Ms. Moy, a Mr. Costanza’s on line 1, he getting quite upset.
Really, what has he said?
He said, “George is getting upset!”
Mr. O'Malley
July 21st, 2010 at 6:55 am [Reply]

Speaking of old comics, I went into my local used bookstore today looking for something they didn’t have, and I found they did have several Pogo collections, some of which were reasonably priced, and I didn’t have them already. I got three for 25 simoleons.

Among other things, more adventures of the Bats: Bewitched, Bothered and Bemildred.

It’s hard to have anything to say about the current-day comics when regarding such genius. And now I know what Walt Kelly published on the day that I was born. This was some kind of a golden age.

I will say that Chic Young did a nice portrait of Eisenhower, most un-Dagwood-like. Plus several others of that era, for some kind of cartoonists/US Savings Bonds thing.

They also had several Beano collections, but it doesn’t resonate with me enough for the money. I will leave that for other collectors.

Hepzibah! That lovely name
Coursed through his giddy brain
As dry leaves flee the
Hurricane!
zerowolf
July 21st, 2010 at 7:50 am [Reply]

MT: Oh, you’ll need the police to protect you Mr. porn-star pencil moustache. Once Mark sees facial hair punching must begin.
Johnny Knuckles
July 21st, 2010 at 8:10 am [Reply]

MW: The horror of being set up by a meddling yenta to a needy protostalker.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 8:17 am [Reply]

JP: Poor Sam! When things get really stressful, there’s nothing more comforting than a can on your head, is there?

SM: So does Puppetmaster control Iron Man or not? Is he flying him back to Stark Industries? Did he make him flee Spider-Man? And ohmygod why do I care?

More importantly: How much better would this storyline be if Puppetmaster made “vroom!” and “woosh!” noises as he flew his Iron Man action figure?

GF: So GF now has the same basic plot as Spider-Man. The sad thing is, I’m not sure which strip will have more TV watching, quips, or action.

A3G: Um, Margo, you all look exactly the same as you have as long as I’ve been reading this strip. Now, we readers knew you all looked hideous, but I’m a little concerned that you three are just waking up to that fact.

HtH: Well, if you’re referring to the comic strip, then “horrible” is still pretty appropriate.

FC: Don’t you mean “by myself,” Jeffy? Because just “myself” suggests that you’re requesting assistance of a more, um, “intimate” nature.

MW: What’s disturbing Dr. Mike?
-He can’t decide which hair color to wear on his next date with Jenna.
-He doesn’t have a free texting plan on his phone and can’t reply to her.
-He knows that girls don’t really have cooties, but that nagging suspicion just won’t go away.
-He’s still getting the beach sand out of his naughty bits.
-The mommy he keeps in his attic won’t give him permission to see Jenna again.
-He can’t figure out how in the world they get the lead inside the pencil.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 8:19 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#151): re: MT: I think this guy might be the smartest MT villain yet: He’s shaved his moustache as a pre-emptive defensive measure!
Ray Jay
July 21st, 2010 at 8:27 am [Reply]

“Sam is just one of the family. He shits on the beach for people to step in. Just like my brother here”.
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 8:29 am [Reply]

MW: I didn’t know they made a looseleaf notebook version of the Kama Sutra. There’s a great idea, because you know, that’s one book that you really don’t want always flopping open at the same place every time.
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

@176 Ed Dravecky said:

In Pibgorn, she’s building him a new body with an enormous robot penis and today assures him, “And you’re going to love my lubrication.”

She’d better be prepared with plenty, because judging by how she constructed him, he’s not going to be contributing any.
gleeb
July 21st, 2010 at 8:37 am [Reply]

‘bean: It hasn’t amused me yet, fat boy. This strip needs to get gravely earnest again, so it’ll be funny.

Pardon My Planet: Czech drama shout-out here. You don’t see many of those.

Cancer-Mayor: “And I just got the municiple buses running on schedule! Curse this dramatic irony!”
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp — Tune in tomorrow when Gil and the World’s Oldest Golf Pro are attacked by… geese? Harpo Marx? Clarabelle the Clown?

Hi & Lois — Those are blood stains on Jerry’s shirt because Thirsty Thurston paid him $20.00 to off his wife! (That’s what Irma gets for paying Chip and Jerry $10.00 to turn the pressure hose on her husband yesterday!)

Gasoline Alley — So it was the Pyes who let the circus animals out of their cages! Scancarelli, thank you for finally clearing up that mystery!

Dick Tracy — Sam calls Anja a “loser”… but he’s looking at Dick when he says it! (Catchem calls ‘em like he sees ‘em!)
zerowolf
July 21st, 2010 at 8:43 am [Reply]

MW: What is Mike’s problem?

A) Gay
B) Impotent
C) Majorly botched circucmcision
D) Pathetic wimp
E) Some heartbreak sob story that will take six weeks to tell.
zerowolf
July 21st, 2010 at 8:44 am [Reply]

A3G: Luann tossing her cookies all over Mama Kat. Now that is must see t.v.!
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 8:48 am [Reply]

BB: Next Wednesday, Halftrack turns the tables on her with one of her tampons.
zerowolf
July 21st, 2010 at 8:49 am [Reply]

GT: The old golf pro, Henry, has escaped from the nursing home, stolen a golf cart, and honking the horn while joyriding on the greens, again!
zerowolf
July 21st, 2010 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Thurday’s Beetle Bailey: General Halftrack is laid to rest with full military honors at ~~Arlington~~ in a fox hole dug by Beetle. Miss Buxely was right, he did quit smoking.
Jerseygull
July 21st, 2010 at 8:51 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#113): “Margo Day” is a great idea! It should become a national holiday of clothes-tossing and imbibing.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 8:56 am [Reply]

@zerowolf (#190):

that will take six weeks to tell.

I think you can safely add that phrase on to any possibility for this storyline. (If anything, it’s a conservative estimate!)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 21st, 2010 at 9:02 am [Reply]

GT: O please let this be a flock of geese taking over the course! Gil could call on Mark Trail to help solve the issue, and the intersection of each strips respective non-Euclidean geometry would create a black hole that would devour the funny pages!

Cleats: called it!

RwO: yur doin it rong.

Lio: continuity! (I love the helmet.)

CdS: “slow down, Loris!” *SNURK!*
bunivasal
July 21st, 2010 at 9:07 am [Reply]

“I may even be… in love with her” Dr. Roberts muses as he gazes at the match held between his fingers. The room turned inky black… and then the fire would start. The fire of love.
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 9:10 am [Reply]

@137 dale said re MT:

Up to that point, (1) what crimes did he commit and (2) what could he be convicted of given a competent lawyer? … The first phone call was simply an inquiry about a reward

Yep, that worked so well for Cue.
Braniff
July 21st, 2010 at 9:19 am [Reply]

FC: I’ve often wondered how Sam got his name and why (was Little Benji taken?). For that matter, I often wondered why no one ever called the other dog “Puke” or “Vomit”.
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
July 21st, 2010 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Why, why can’t a 1940s woman in a low-cut slinky dress ever fall for the German guy whose body is shaped more like an apple or a Bosch pear with feet? It happens on American sitcoms. Why?
Icepick Jones
July 21st, 2010 at 9:32 am [Reply]

I’m sure someone has already mentioned this in the previous 200 comments, but he doesn’t know “Torrey” and “Kemper” based on thier Wasp-ish reputation, rather he recognizes their monickers as being named after famous golf courses.

Torrey Pines – http://www.torreypinesgolfcourse.com/

Kemper Lakes – http://www.kemperlakesgolf.com/
A Dude from Dallas
July 21st, 2010 at 9:34 am [Reply]

FW: Keep talking, Funky. They can’t hear you. Your guardian angel will be there to explain everything to you once God is able to convince him that being assigned as your guardian angel is not intended to be a punishment.
Bootsy
July 21st, 2010 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Damn, that Mary Worth is one stone cold bitch! “You better look into fixing it”! Really, Mary? Isn’t that your job?

I would like a monkey-soldier made out of potatoes, please.
Hi There
July 21st, 2010 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Hi There is currently on vacation. Filling in today is Hi There’s friend, Tweedle Dee.

Tweedle Dee offers this interpretation of Wednesday’s ‘Funky Winkerbean’:

I want to write something deep and meaningful about this comics strip but I find myself distracted by the bald spot on the back of Funkman’s head. It’s bad enough that the artist used battleship grey to color the poor man’s hair. For some reason the artist also felt it necessary to place a perfect circle of pink in the midst of that dying scalp. I interpret this touch as a sad note of decay and humiliation.

Not too long ago I saw a movie called ‘The Illustrated Man’ based on stories by Ray Bradbury. The main character, played by Rod Steiger, has tattoos on every inch of his body except for a small patch of skin on his shoulder. This barren patch served as a mirror into the future: stare at it long enough and you’d see your own fate play out. In the movie, each person who gazed at the Illustrated Man came to a brutal end. They would try desperately to avoid this end but their every act only brought them closer to their fate.

So I gaze at the bald spot on the back of the Funkman’s head, terrified that I will see my own fate. Will I accept this fate? Or will I struggle desperately, bringing myself ever closer to a horrible conclusion?
Bootsy
July 21st, 2010 at 9:42 am [Reply]

@Jerseygull (#195): sez

It should become a national holiday of clothes-tossing and imbibing.

We already have that. We call it Mardi Gras, though.
Baron Bizarre
July 21st, 2010 at 9:46 am [Reply]

FW:

Funky: “I’m so glad my near-death experience is able to provide so much amusement for everyone.”

Non-Funky: “It’s only because we hate you so very, very much, Franky.”

Funky: “FUNKY!”

Non-Funky: “Whatever.”
TheDiva
July 21st, 2010 at 9:47 am [Reply]

9CL: I’ve figured it out: they’re not in the past, they’re in the second circle of Hell. The constantly shifting background is in fact the other souls of the damned caught up in the eternal whirlwind.

DT: Well, that makes se–WHAT??

FW: Mangled metaphors–the closest the Batiukverse can get to actual humor.

MW: The walls of Dr. Mike’s office are gradually closing in and stifling him, a perfect metaphor for his current predicament.
Snapdragon
July 21st, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

@zerowolf (#190): Hey, if Mike’s heartbreak problem only takes 6 weeks to tell, that’s a huge improvement over 9CL.
Darkefang
July 21st, 2010 at 10:00 am [Reply]

DT: If you expect Dick to explain everything from this plot that was nonsense, we’re going to be standing here the rest of the year, Chief.

FW: Oh, Funky. How I wish your near-death experience was even slightly amusing.

JP: It sounds like this Mark guy is someone that Neddy dated in the past. I know he hasn’t been mentioned in this strip for the last six or seven years. Was he in it prior to that, or are they just counting on Alzheimer’s to erase this particular plot hole?
Calico
July 21st, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

@zerowolf (#181):
But what happened to his ’stache today? Did he shave it off knowing that Mark likes punching facial fur?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 21st, 2010 at 10:04 am [Reply]

7/21

JP: “Cut! No, Sam, you idiot! Hold the can with the logo out to the reader. How else are we gonna get all that product placement cash?”

FC: Thel is now wondering how far the windows in the hotel open, and how many people saw that they checked in with four kids.

Archie: Okay, so premature ejaculation metaphors will get you through the first five minutes.

MW: “It’s not you, it’s me?” No, if it’s anyone, it’s George Costanza.

DtM: If you throw your weight just right, you can hurl Dennis up into your ceiling. You may have to re-plaster, but it will be worth it.

A3G: Lu Ann is yelling at Margo. Margo is mocking Lu Ann. Then there’s the voices in Tommie’s head. All together, they’re putting her into a confused slumber.

FW: “We live in Westview. We take our entertainment where we find it.”

Baldo: Argh! That horrible expanse of skin under Tia Carment’s brows! In the future, please keep her glasses on at all times.

BB: “Also, I’m hoping they’ll give him a heart attack and he’ll die. Want to start an office pool on who the next general will be?”
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 21st, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#180):

I have that Pogo collection, along with many others, still in my bookcase! I loved them as a kid just for the dialectic humor and ridiculous pratfalls, and rereading as an adult and getting the political overtones just reinforces how brilliant the strip was. You can also do a read-through just to appreciate all the small details and off-center action going on in every panel.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled 9CL. When we last tuned in, our characters were snickering childishly about Ess-ee-ex!!
Mibbitmaker
July 21st, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

@Hi There (#207): Unfortunately, the brutally ending fate in this case is forever reading Funky Winkerbean! (and not the good 1972-1992 ones, either)
spike
July 21st, 2010 at 10:14 am [Reply]

@Darkefang (#210): Mark and Neddy were to be the next “perfect couple” in the strip {pre-Randy Parker and What’s-Her-Name] until Mark got a scholarship to Harvard. Neddy, being independently wealthy, was going to wait for him, but has had a few other relationships in the meantime. Now suddenly, Mark is reintroduced as a recently divorced upper-classman, who, no doubt, will eventually go to law school, marry Ned [after they have several fallings-out] and join Sam’s practice. Sure beats the goings-on in Westview.

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#196) and @Snapdragon (#209): : You’re right–six weeks is waaaay too conservative. Think Moy is out to break Brooke’s record? Shall we get a pool going???
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 21st, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

Was it “Bats and The Belles – Free!”? That was from the late era Pogo, which I do think suffered the same way the late-era M*A*S*H did – became too dark and caught up in social commentary and lost the whimsy and dark but good-natured humor that were its best features.
Mibbitmaker
July 21st, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

@Snapdragon (#209): That’s for sure! It’d be like comparing the Beatles’ “Her Majesty” to “Inna Gadda da Vida” (if neither song were entertaining).
Howard
July 21st, 2010 at 10:18 am [Reply]

DtM: Today’s Dennis actually looks quite menacing; it’s clear he’s not going into George’s throat via the mouth, because he could have reached that from the ground, without climbing on him. The only reason to mount him like that (horrors! Unspeakable, filthy horrors!) is to get at the throat THROUGH THE EAR! And since he doesn’t have a knife–his parents having long ago realized that any sharp object in the house was an invitation to pain–he’s going to bash his way in with this flashlight!

Oh, Mr. Wilson, be strong! It’ll all be over soon….
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 10:21 am [Reply]

@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#201): One of my favorite WashPost writers, TV columnist Lisa deMoraes, calls that sitcom trope “male-pattern optimism.”
Howard
July 21st, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Crankshaft/Funky: Oh, oh god… when I posted yesterday about Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft metamorphizing till the one that was originally dark was light and the one that was originally light was dark, I was kidding! I was just kidding! But today we have bitter old people laughing at how mangled each other looks, complete with the whole third panel–the traditional punchline!–being an “I hate you” panel!! And in Crankshaft? The old codger has finally realized that people–other people–return back to you what you give to them. Economically, wishing for other people to fail has caused his own finances to be in danger. Slowly he’s coming to realize that we are all interconnected, and that giving of yourself to others, keeping others strong, is good for you. Even if this is only an economic realization, it’s the beginning of breaking down the icy wall he keeps up inside, opening up to the world again, and living a full and complete life with others.

…I… I may cry…
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

@205 Hi There’s friend Tweedle Dee said:

So I gaze at the bald spot on the back of the Funkman’s head, terrified that I will see my own fate. Will I accept this fate? Or will I struggle desperately, bringing myself ever closer to a horrible conclusion?

No, most likely what you’ll see is the comics page’s most horrible case of tinea capitis.
Mibbitmaker
July 21st, 2010 at 10:37 am [Reply]

9CL: Brooke indulges Brooke over and over and over — hey, Brookie, why not take a skin magazine into the bathroom, then come back at give us an actual story, huh? That is, a story ending!!!

NS: (apologies to the Kinks)
Paranoia strip destroyer
And it reads like this…

OBH: Well done. (*ducks*)

A3G: Well, it’s not like you three are in Crock or anything! Or Mark Trail. Rusty — now that’s hideous!

Crank: What, he’s supposed to be Yogi Bera now?!? BIG, BLUNDERING FAIL!

FW: Sub-Crankshaft “wordplay” isn’t funny, hence not amusing.

GT: “NOT A VUVUZELA! NOT A VUVUZELA!!!!!”

MT: (Well-worn observation by now, but I’ll type in my version anyway):
“And I shaved my mustache so you can’t punch me!”
“Diabolical!”
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Which one of these is not like the others:

The Argyle Sweater — Little Orphan Annie: The Later Years!
Strange Brew — Burt Reynolds: The Early Years!
Rhymes with Orange — Salmon Squares: The Early Years!
Sarah
July 21st, 2010 at 10:50 am [Reply]

May I just say for the record…

I HATE Mary Worth, the character.

What a horrible, nosey 2-faced human, er, creature.
Walker of Dog
July 21st, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

@spike (#215): I thought the sole purpose of 9CL was to make the story cycle in MW seem comparatively brisk.

@bbofun (#29): So you’re saying Torrey is open to the public? Harsh.

I’m disappointed that their father wasn’t a little more adventurous at the christening – Blue Monster, Southwind, or Old White Course were all available. I’m hoping for an appearance by the Wonder Twins’ mother – I want to meet the woman who lets her babies get named after golf courses.
the good ship thetis
July 21st, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#216): I used to read my parents’ old Pogo books, which were falling to bits, as a child and literally laugh until I was sick. I didn’t understand any of the meaning behind them and I can’t remember what made them so funny other than the general craziness (made-up song lyrics, etc.)
I have a reprint edition of some late Pogo stuff now…not nearly as much fun, so I was rather disappointed when I read it.
commodorejohn
July 21st, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

@troy macgregor (#164): You said it, man.

A3G – I am loving the dialogue today, but I just have to ask: does Frank Bolle even read the script before drawing it? Because, uh, Luann looks exactly as Luann has always looked.

AS – Looks like someone didn’t find out that Little Orphan Annie was ending until it actually ended. C’mon, Hillburn, keep up. (P.S. now that Annie has ended, how long until Hollywood attempts a gritty reboot?)

DT – Okay, seriously, does Brozman know how to draw a head that isn’t a box with some details tacked on? Look, even what’s-his-name over there is just some squiggly lines forming a box outline.

FW – Christ, what assholes.

GT – HRONK? Is Torrey coughing up a hairball off-panel?

HTH – So Hagar The Horrible realizes how pathetic it’s gotten. Who wants to bet that this will not actually lead to anyone doing anything about it?

JP – “This soda just breaks my heart!”

Luann – Luann would like to remind you that in 1995, it was Garfield.

MT – Police? Mark don’t need no stinkin’ police! (Especially when the sum total of “police” in this strip is Fat Deliverance Sheriff and Officer O’Layabout.)

MW – “I should look into fixing it? Great, thanks, Mary. Sound, detailed advice, no question about it. I’ll get right on that.”

Momma – So is that a typewriter the size of a laptop, or a laptop with a built-in printer?

MC – Sunny knows the score.

OB – Now that’s revenge.

RMMD – “Wait, what? Sorry, I wasn’t listening, I was practicing my Spock impression. I’m still emoting too much, aren’t I?”
spike
July 21st, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

@Walker of Dog (#225): Hmmmm….Can Dr. Mike outdo Mary’s own “Kindness Is My Religion” Saga? Will Mary be able to sit through 6+ weeks of memories/stories-within-stoies/sidebars, etc? Now that i think of it, can we get through 6+ weeks of such schlock? Maybe Moy isn’t competing against Brooke–she’s just competing against Moy!!! (I still think we should get a pool going.)
Shawn S.
July 21st, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#227):

(P.S. now that Annie has ended, how long until Hollywood attempts a gritty reboot?)

“Annie Begins”? Yeah, I’d see that.
Darkefang
July 21st, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

@spike (#215):

Thanks for the explanation. I guess what Judge Parker really needs is a narrator to clue us in on things like this that happened a decade ago.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 11:41 am [Reply]

Watch Your Head — Netflix? So Dana and Kevin actually have something in common with Crankshaft’s Pam and Jeff? That’s scary!

Slylock Fox — Officer Potus claims two more victims!

Shoe — Not to worry, Senator. Your dog will have a steaming hot din-din or two waiting for you… out in the yard!

Candorville — That’s known in these parts as a “back-handed compliment”!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 21st, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

9 – “Well, let’s get it off!” Nah, let’s just continue with the heavy innuendo for another six to eight weeks.

Dick – Yes, Sam, Anja Gnu was a loser. Loser or not, though, she got more screen time in four weeks than you’ve had in this strip for the last eight years. The artist doesn’t even know how to draw you.

Mark receives the extortion information over the phone with the same polite expression of feigned interest he uses for almost everything he hears. It’s like he’s taking down nature facts for Sunday’s strip. “So how much wood does he actually chuck? That’s really interesting. Is that cords or cubic feet?”

Marfield – That’s how tall he was before his head inflated fully.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 21st, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Mary – He is looking into fixing it, Mary! The ad said that if it persisted for more than three hours, he should see a doctor, so he’s been looking at himself. If you really want to help, tell him he should see a different doctor.

Phantom – Jailbreaker’s Textbook: Take the leaves off the fence after you go over, and you might buy yourself an extra fifteen or twenty minutes at least. Duh!

Spidey – Puppet Master can hear what his victims say to themselves? This has something to do with the giant transparent face in the sky, right?

@bats :[ (#151): I’d always understood that walruses were the only animals with an actual bone there.

@Bridget Laiden (#175): But since you’re not a kid again, your name links to a site where one can, presumably, meet hot singles and be guaranteed to get lucky. Shazam.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 11:54 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#227): (Re: GT) I figure the hacker/honker is Torrey Peake… or Bill the Cat has been resurrected by Rubin and Whigham! (And I do hope it’s the latter!)
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 21st, 2010 at 11:54 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#180): I luv British comics. They make US comics look normal and healthy. I imagine it’s possible to trace the economic status of the readership by the degree of wish fulfillment in the fantasy. All the girl’s comics of a certain age are about young girls who are misunderstood and mistreated, but if they hang in there for a while, people give them stuff. Indeed, magical creatures and objects that give kids stuff seem to be a persistent theme all through the ones I have. Since I started buying Viz in 1985, I’ve been especially keen on the comics about social misfits with unhealthy fixations on some particular object that seems to see them through life, and smile automatically at the weakly punny come-uppances in the last panels, with the direct wink at the audience. “Ho ho! Looks like Simon’s bored now, eh Readers?” (I can’t fault your unironic appreciation of Pogo, of course. Though I’ve read it a hundred times, I’d still make Ten Ever-Lovin’ Blue-Eyed Years with Pogo one of my desert island books.)

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#189): Tune in tomorrow when Gil and the World’s Oldest Golf Pro are attacked by… geese? Harpo Marx? Clarabelle the Clown? I’m holding out for a driverless Model T with a cold.

@Bootsy (#206): So — “Margo Gras”?
Ned Ryerson
July 21st, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Oh No! A HRONK! Can a QLUNQ be far behind?

HRONK if you’re horny!
odinthor
July 21st, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

NYer CC. — “Sigh. Are we there yet?”
cheech wizard
July 21st, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

GT – Aha! So this story isn’t going to be about spoiled kid jocks or domineering sports-parents. It’s about Canada geese populating out of control and crapping all over the golf course. I was wondering why Torrey looks like a border collie.

MW – It’s not her, Mary, it’s me! Have you ever read “A Farewell to Arms”?
UncleJeff
July 21st, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

C’mon Funky, lighten up! Remember what Mel Brooks said: “Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Comedy is when you fall through an open manhole”.

RMMD: Geez, what a cut throat little city you live in. Seriously. I have been around many county boards, municipal governments and school boards where members had seriously health problems and in every case, the fellow board members regardless of political persuasion always rallied around the ailing member and helped them carry out their duties. I don’t think they’re preparing an ice floe for you, Mister Mayor.

After yesterday’s “Pibgorn”, do I dare look today?
UncleJeff
July 21st, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

Attention followers of “Love Is”: minutes after the publication of today’s panel, local police alerted by an employee of the WalMart photo processing center arrested Little Naked Guy and Little Naked Girl and confiscated their photo album.
nancy sluggo 4ever
July 21st, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

MW: So, how is Jenna like LeBron James? Both are desperate for a ring and will latch on to anybody powerful. Oh wait, wrong audience.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#238):

It’s not her, Mary, it’s me! Have you ever read “A Farewell to Arms”?

Or perhaps we could go for the full The Sun Also Rises, complete with a Dr. Roberts / Dr. Corey homoerotic excursion to the Bum Boat and lots of tipsy ennui. Jenna’s already gotten a head start on the “ugly drunk” business.
Baka Gaijin
July 21st, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#151) on Mary Worth: Let me fix that for you: “Well, to be honest, Mrs. Worth, ~~I have~~ she has this…um, thing…on my her weenie.”

@Tophat (#158): “Prostate Cancer is Gross fund.” Headquarters, Funkytown Ohio.

@ElkMeadow (#163): COTW contender. Practice your beauty queen wave, Elk! I just about snorted spotted dick out of my nose, laughing over this comment.

@Ray Jay (#185): Another COTW contender. Nothing almost flew out of my nose. I was between sips of barley water.

@zerowolf (#190): F: His penis keeps touching his vagina.
Little Guy
July 21st, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

yRMMD: “… or, you can release the information yourself to clinch being Mayor of FunkyTown.”

Rex Morgan preaching about HIPAA is akin to Dick Tracy preaching about pacifism.
cheech wizard
July 21st, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#242): That would be great, but I’d prefer “For Whom the Bell Tolls.”
Anonymous
July 21st, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

@Darkefang (#210):
Mark is the son of one of Abbey’s minions, maybe Dan the foreman. He was Neddy’s first boyfriend, but he went off to Harvard as the sons of foremen on Arabian horse farms are wont to do. Neddy went to visit him but discovered he had acquired another girlfriend, whom he later married and has now divorced.

Next, Neddy visited Aunt Rachel in California and hooked up with Mousy Bob. Mousy Bob was headed for college in California, Cal State Santa Royale or someplace. Neddy was torn between following him and Art School in Paris. She finally chose Art School – even though she speaks no French – mostly because Sam was opposed to the idea. Sam wasn’t too enthusiastic about Mousy Bob either. He probably wanted her to stay home and make sexual advances so he could ignore them.

Mousy Bob visited Neddy before departing for college, and she gave him a warrior’s send-off. No shrinking violet she. Then off to Paris, Art School, Cedric the Butler, the simmering Canadian expat demi-monde, and a $2 million flat in the Sixteenth. While we were busy with pot-farming neighbors, Rusty “Red” Duncan, Dixie Julep, the advent of Stumpy Shannon, Godiva Danube, Stella DiVito and the Sophie’s cheerleading debut, Neddy grew so worldly and sophisticated that the fast fashion crowd and her whiny shoe-designer boyfriend mais l’ennuient toutes. It looks like she would prefer to just stay home and eat bon bons, make sexual advances for Sam to ignore, and tempt poor Mark to move her world-weary soul.

Fortunately, Mark is only the second-most boring guy in the history of the comics. Mousy Bob’s still in California.

I love Judge Parker. I really do.
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#246):
246 was me. And I really hope Mousy Bob is at Cal State Santa Royale. He would make a perfect son-in-law for Wilbur Weston.
cheech wizard
July 21st, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#245): Then again, we may already be moving in that direction in The Phantom, where Diana and her buzzcut will encounter some other brave pirate fighter in the jungle, who will take her under his wing and call her Little Rabbit, and they will make love and the earth will move and the beer will be cold and it will be good. Right before he gets massacred by the Python’s men.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 21st, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

#237 odinthor,
“Okay, but you have to promise not to yell VROOM! VROOM! this time.”
seismic-2
July 21st, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

MW “Yes, Mary, something has been disturbing me. How can I put this? It’s just that lately… my pencil just doesn’t have any lead in it.”
ElkMeadow
July 21st, 2010 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#176): ]

I second the motion that Pibgorn be put with The Duck.

And thank you, Josh and Uncle Lumpy, for not banning me when I did mention The Duck by name.
Connie
July 21st, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

FW: Nowhere near as amusing as your actual death experience would have been.
seismic-2
July 21st, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Rex looks so confused in the final panel. He thought for sure that they throw you under a bus and then they can smell the blood, not vice versa. He’s almost certain that’s what it said in one of those textbook that he skimmed back in medical school. Or maybe it was in the Reader’s Digest, where he picked up all the really technical information.
BRWombat
July 21st, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

Billy’s argument, “But Sam doesn’t even know he’s a dog” just might work here. After all, the officer doesn’t even know it’s no longer the Seventies.
Carlo
July 21st, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

FW: Clearly, Funky’s wife and that guy are having an affair.
Charles
July 21st, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

@Mountain Mama (#97): If it makes you feel any better, know that that’s the reason why I never did.
commodorejohn
July 21st, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#176): Nah. The only reason Lambada the Forbidden Duck got banned was because his presence in a discussion seemed to bring almost-inevitable flameage. For all of Pibgorn’s brain-fucking idiotsexualpretentiousness, it’s not really any kind of point of contention around here. Heck, there’s more argument over 9 Chickweed Lane, since that work at least has a few redeemable elements to it.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

@nancy sluggo 4ever (#241): I like your nom de plume, but shouldn’t Aunt Fritzi be in there somewhere? By the way, the latest Tom the Dancing Bug has a humorous take on the Lebron James situation!
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

Given that Dr. “Mike” looked quite different – and indeed, rather more feminine – when we first met him, his problem is that he is undergoing a “transformation” that is not yet complete. It will be at least six weeks before he can legally change his name from Michelle.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#259): Or perhaps to Michelle? Then Mary would have to decide whether to sanction a non-heterosexual union or to experience a rare case of meddlus interruptus. Either way, the cognitive dissonance could make that withered head explode.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

@Ned Ryerson (#179):

“It’s not her, it’s me.”

“You stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!”
Anonymous
July 21st, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

*can* stuff, *can* stuff (must hit preview)
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

I’m opposed to banning Pigporn. Banning it means it had an impact, which would further feed the ego of a certain 13-year-old girl. It would be better to simply ignore it.

The same might be said for a certain 13-year-old girl’s other opus.

Myself, I assumed Brooke was a 13-year-old Catholic school-educated boy. His sense of prurience seems to fit that. However, I have no experience with 13-year-old girl prurience so perhaps I’m speaking out of turn.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 21st, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#176): Not me. Unlike the Nameless Waterfoul, Pibgorn doesn’t start nasty, vicious flamewars about whether tea or Kool-Aid is the better drink to serve with straw-men. Such things lead (and led) to ill-will and hurt feelings amongst the ‘mudgeons, hence the banning to the Outer Dark. This was a singular event, and should remain so, imho.

Pibgorn, on the other hand, doesn’t engender such discussions, as we all pretty much agree that it’s pretentious faerie bondagepr0n with a twist of WTF and a dash of incomprehensibility. Some feel compelled to avoid it when mentioned, others do not. If a desire for avoidance was all it took to be a banned strip, then Argyle Suckitude would have been gone months ago.
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#260):
That would make a great story, wouldn’t it? It fits the facts better too, but he looked girlier at the beginning than he does now.
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#264):
Well said, and exactly right.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

@Sarah (#224):

Mary Worth: Horribly ignorant, horribly rude, horribly arrogant, horribly meddlesome – yep, fairly horrible person. And I assume, given the strip bears her name, that we’re supposed to think she’s an awesome heroine. Imagine! Better fix your deep-seated problem stemming from childhood abandonment issues, and fix them NOW, so you do not further crush the self-esteem of my obsessed, stalking acquaintance whom you took on one date.

What’s the point of Mike trying to connect with Jenna at this point anyway? Her thumbs must be downright arthritic from all that texting.
Comcis Fan
July 21st, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

#s 261 and 267 from me.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
July 21st, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

@Icepick Jones (#202): “And you’ve met my cousins? The Black sisters, Beth and Page. They’re just in from Long island.”
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

“Dear Jenna,
“Our mutual friend Mary Worth tells me that you enjoyed our evening together as much as I did. Please forgive my silence these last few days. I am in the midst of a profound personal transformation. In fact, you may not recognize me when next we meet, which, I’m sorry to say, may not be for a while yet. I hope you can bear with me during this time, and that whatever feelings you have for me now will be the same when I am a woman.

“Very truly yours,
Michelle ‘Mike’ Roberts”
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#263): Hey, you leave Berkeley Breathed’s penguin out of this!
cheech wizard
July 21st, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#264): I have to disagree with those who trash Pibgorn. Although the current story has gone straight off the looney rails, many of the earlier ones are quite good, not to mention beautifully drawn. The one about the virtual reality game was fantastic – probably the best comic story I’ve ever seen, at least up to the point where the queen’s identify was revealed – but it’s hard to follow up on a climax like that. And Brooke’s version of Midsummer Night’s Dream with Pib and 9CL characters was simply gorgeous.

My main complaint about Brooke’s stuff is that he’s tiresome when he gets up on his soapbox about his cultural and political views – and the tendency for every new character in Pib to turn out to be a demon. But I find the bizarre stuff kind of fun – and the nekkid fairie wimmin. I like those too.
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

@Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#269):
Don’t forget the British cousins, Prestwick, Muirfield, Troon and Sandwich.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 21st, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#272): I started reading it towards the end of the Midsummer Night’s Dream story arc, and I certainly don’t disagree with your thoughts at all. I’m a regular reader of the strip, although the current arc leaves me wondering why every so often. :-)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 21st, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

And now for something completesquee different.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 21st, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#275): I love that pic!
littlestevie
July 21st, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

MT: I was watching NO RESERVATIONS the other night, and Tony was in Liberia. He went to some village waaay out in the countryside. No electricty, no water, no shops, nothing. They are in the middle of nowhere. The villagers had a more modern freakin phone than Mark uses. It was a nice princess push button model in a lovely tan. No black rotary phone for them, no sir.
wossname
July 21st, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

@Walker of Dog (#225):

I’m hoping for an appearance by the Wonder Twins’ mother – I want to meet the woman who lets her babies get named after golf courses.

You mean Augusta?
Stroker Ace
July 21st, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

FC -Fight the power Billy: ‘So fascist pigs are allowed?!’.
littlestevie
July 21st, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

GT: Annnd I am still waiting for Bushwood to show up.
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

@253 seismic-2 said:

He’s almost certain that’s what it said in one of those textbook that he skimmed back in medical school. Or maybe it was in the Reader’s Digest, where he picked up all the really technical information.

But seriously, I well remember reading the issue that contained the article “I Am Joe’s Prostate”! This was decades ago, before I even had a prostate.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#270): This means, then, that his fixation on his pencil constitutes a fond farewell?
Écureuil Écumant
July 21st, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

@Walker of Dog (#225) on the Golf Course Kidz: I’m gonna cast my lot with @finger quotin’ annie (#8), who opined that they were both conceived in close proximity to a ball washer. However, I’m going to stipulate it was just off the 16th. fairway, in a small trailer in the woods, during a torrential rainstorm, under the influence of some good cheeba.
Mac
July 21st, 2010 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Vanity Fair: “Mad Men” is based on a comic strip by the creators of Heathcliff.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

@wossname (#278):

You want names — I got names! Among the top 100 U.S. golf courses are:

Female — Ash Brook, Brookline, Calusa Pines, Crystal Downs, Hazeltine, Laurel Valley and Shenandoah.

Male — Allenmore, Glen Mills, George Wright and Stony Ford.
yaoi huntress earth
July 21st, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

9CWL: Does anyone else starting to yern for the days when Keisel was a snobbish, refined man that was hardly phased instead becomeing an awkward, can’t control himself Amos clone.
bats :[
July 21st, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#233): re “things”: nope. A number of mammalian species have a penis bone (os penis), including the walrus (which has a big one). The raccoon’s is called a “tallywacker” in some areas of the country.
To my knowledge, robots/cyborgs/etc., do not have penis bones.
Aleit
July 21st, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

@yaoi huntress earth (#286): Totally! Also, he started looking younger than he did in the camp. WTF? But then, you’re right, he’s becoming an Amos clone and that explains everything perfectly. Maybe that’s supposed to make us feel that he’s so cute and nice and miss him later *facepalm*
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 21st, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

@Mac (#284): Comic Book Resources has revealed this to be an elaborate practical joke, but it’s still funny as hell!
yaoi huntress earth
July 21st, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

#272: I’ll admit that Brooke is capable of coming up with some great ideas like what if Beethovan (sp) were to be in the modern world and learn that he is now viewed as one of the greatest composers to ever live or the Midsummer Night’s Dream arc set in the jazz age. He just ruins it with his bad dialouge, the fact that Geoff (aka Amos clone #2) is kind of a dullard, Thorax is in it and Brooke’s own desire to be seen as a genius. I just don’t get what the hell is going on in the new arc (not to mention that painful-looking, impossible to do in real life sex scene.)
bats :[
July 21st, 2010 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#253): like all the old “I Am Joe’s X”? For this current story-arc, I sincerely hope that Rex thoroughly read “I Am Joe’s Man Gland” (yes, it was about the prostate).

@commodorejohn (#257): I agree with you. Pibgorn is just a good opportunity to exercise one eyeballs with repeated rolls. I woudn’t want to see it banned — I think Brooke is doing his damnedest to do that all by himself with his current distributor.
Then again, I don’t even know what the numbers for his readership might be. “I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Brooke. Nobody marks you.”

@cheech wizard (#272): You? Like the nekkid fairy wimmin? I’m surprised. ;)
bats :[
July 21st, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

@Aleit (#288): maybe it was the uniform…
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 21st, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

@Mac (#284): Strangely enough, the guy in the middle panel looks very much like Paul Kinsey, right down to the pretentious pipe.
Walker of Dog
July 21st, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#283): I just wish Mr. and Mrs. Peake had added a dash of cruelty when they were dumping that load of vicarious wish-fulfullment onto their kids. A lesson for all you stage parents out there: never miss an opportunity to reinforce your children’s belief that they will always disappoint you. Next time, name them Hook and Slice. Or maybe Krack and Hronk.
yaoi huntress earth
July 21st, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

@Aleit (#288): And it’s not cute because it goes against everything he is. Then again it seems like Brooke can’t do characters in a more commited relationship without turning the man into an awkward, nerdy extension of himself (now sexual inuendo, that’s different). All Keisel needs are some unflattering glasses and he’s set.
Poteet
July 21st, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

9CL — I take a little comfort in knowing that Juliette is also having to endure this.
Poteet
July 21st, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

9CL — I just remembered that even after the Endless Night Of Smirk is finally over, we’ll still have to go through the Bill part of the story. *low extended moan* My only hope now is that a random terrorist missile will somehow hit the hospital.
gnome de blog
July 21st, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#282):
That was his nickname in high school.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

It would redeem this colossal onaistic exercise somewhat if Juliette were to call her out as an unreliable narrator. “Mom, you were not a stunning beauty who turned accomplished, worldly men into sweaty charicatures. Kiesl made a living singing commercial jingles and lost his sight in the explosion that knocked him unconscious and allowed him to be captured at Kasserine Pass. And you weren’t working for OSS, or the USO, we all know you served meals at the POW camp as an employee of the catering service. Now stop this nonsense and die already!”
Baka Gaijin
July 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Join us on the new HRONKing thread.
littlestevie
July 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#242): THE SON ALSO RISES, I haven’t read that since I was a 10th grader at an all boys Catholic high school. Try having your English teacher, who was a brother, explain the nuances of that novel to 30+ boys. You know they don’t call em brothers for nothing.
commodorejohn
July 21st, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

@yaoi huntress earth (#295): Eh, it all comes down to how Simply Incredible those Burber women are. I don’t know quite why Brooke has to reiterate again and again and again how ~~bitchy~~ strong-willed and ~~juvenilely hypersexual~~ erotic and ~~pretentious~~ cultured his leading ladies are, especially when he so plainly has put his own person into the body of Amos (and the other Cultured Men Turned Into Babbling Nincompoops By Those Amazing Women,) other than to speculate on the presence of whips and black leather in his bedroom, but it’s an obvious, recurring pattern that rings absurdly hollow most of the time it shows up (I’ll buy shy-nerd Amos or tuned-out geek Roger as being profoundly shaken by the sudden onslaught of wild sexual experiences, but how come they keep being so utterly disabled by it? And Kiesl the Brave Honorable Nazi Military Man being reduced to a buffoon by a farm-girl-turned-singer-turned-fucking-lunatic? No. Just no.) It’s half the reason I stopped followign 9CL on a regular basis.
cheech wizard
July 21st, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#291): One of my fondest hopes is that former JP artist Eduardo Barreto will someday be able to serve as guest artist on Pibgorn for one month. That would be frickin’ awesome.
Tafadhali
July 21st, 2010 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Is Kemper supposed to look like Vin Diesel? Because, you know, when I think of teen golf sensations he really is the first person who comes to mind.
Conor
July 26th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

The Family Circus one is a repeat. My friend Tyler doctored up that comic years ago: http://www.nationalhighfiveday.com/project/tyler.jpg

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