Main content:

Quest for knowledge

Apartment 3-G, 12/10/06

In an attempt to recapture the magic of one of the greatest Apartment 3-Gs in recent memory, Lu Ann is taking a magical trip to the world-renowned New York City public library. She’s looking for knowledge, but she’s sadly found only another romantic interest, albeit one who, with his reddish hair, glasses, and marginally softer features, is distinguishable from the classic boring A3G male type. Our bookworm is so deeply and erotically charged by Lu Ann’s mere presence that, in order to win her attention and affections, he’s transgressing the ultimate librarian taboo and actually shouting in the library.

Blondie, 12/10/06

I’m going to pass over the little drama of burning jealousy and suppressed lust that makes up the supposedly innocent humor of this strip today and just point out that the two throwaway panels at the top — which aren’t used in some layouts and thus need to be removable — are the biggest “fuck you” to the very concept of throwaway panels I’ve ever seen. Since their expressions are unchanged in all three, I can only assume that our young hunk was leering at Blondie, and Dagwood was raging inwardly, and Blondie was feeling genuine sexual arousal for the first time in years, for the entire time it took for them to walk the length of a city block.

Judge Parker, 12/10/06

I don’t mean to be a killjoy. I certainly wouldn’t want to deny us, the long-suffering readers of Judge Parker, the genuine pleasure to be had in Celeste Black’s spectacular drunken meltdown, or in Reggie’s ineffectual response. I’m not sure if I’m willing to forgive Sam and Randy’s smug satisfaction, however. After all, having an insane lush for a wife shouldn’t disqualify one for the bench per se; neither of course, should bachelorhood and/or homosexuality, which is why Reggie has clearly brought this upon himself. But there’s still a little thing called HIPAA that’s there for a reason. My prediction is that we’re going to find out that Horace is working as some kind of freelance ultra-low-rent Karl Rove and leaked this information to the press, and that Randy, distancing himself from old-time machine politics, will have to Do The Right Thing and sever ties with his old family friend, possibly by having his CIA agent girlfriend murder him in his sleep.

(For those keeping track, incidentally, this Sunday strip is the work of the temporarily unavailable Eduardo Baretto, as Sundays need to be prepared a few weeks in advance of the weeklies.)

Mary Worth, 12/10/06

You know, we all got very jazzed up about Mary during the glory and excitement that was Aldomania. But this strip reminds us what Mary Worth is and truly ought to be all about: relentless petty outrage over stupid, meaningless things. That and pointing. Lots and lots of vigorous pointing. I love Mary’s look of surprise in the final panel, and Ella’s attempt to put on her “Who me? I’m a harmless old lady! Ha ha!” face. Ian, resplendent as always in his Astroturf jacket, is unimpressed by Dent’s j’accuse: he seems to be thinking, “Look buddy, last month I was an accomplice to murder, and condo board power plays do not impress me any more.”

Fun game for the coming months: In how many upcoming Mary Worth installments will we be able to construe Gary Dent’s rambling diatribes as accusations that Ella is a prostitute?

Beetle Bailey, 12/10/06

This installment of “How to turn a public domain Department of Defense informational pamphlet about the Pentagon into a comic strip and still make your 1 p.m. tee time” has been brought to you by Beetle Bailey.

112 responses to “Quest for knowledge”

  1. Baby D’oh
    December 10th, 2006 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    OK, so, question (inspired by BB panel #5): which is it Miss Buxley can turn 360 degrees? Head or boobs? Discuss.

  2. Amy
    December 10th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Miss Buxley is possessed by the Devil! (Panel 4)

  3. MyGoodName
    December 10th, 2006 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Drats! Beaten to the punch on Buxley’s rotating head of doom!

  4. Mike P
    December 10th, 2006 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    A3G- I had been hoping against hope that Luann would just ask the stone lion for help. Whether or not it helped her was immaterial: the fact that she tried would have pleased me.

    Lio – Lio has unwittingly discovered the world of prostitution.

  5. reader-who-posts
    December 10th, 2006 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    BB: The only conceivable reasons that the Pentagon would contact Gen. Halftrack are to a) tell him he is 15 years past retirement age and must retire immediately b) explain to him that there is no such thing as a black-uniformed ‘covert team’, or c) inform him that they had been trying to contact him for weeks, but he doesn’t have a phone.

    MW: Luckily for Gary Dent, Chinbeard is EXACTLY the type of santimonious asshole who would love to throw out a 92 year old lady based on unsubstantiated accusations. I also like the way it appears in the last panel that Gary didn’t just point, he actually lunged at Chinbeard while pointing.

    JP: Is there a better comeback in the history of the universe than “I’ll deny you, missy!”?

  6. Rusty
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    I’m surprised an empty vodka bottle hasn’t come crashing out of Celeste’s wardrobe what with all the physical exertion she is putting out here. Lesson for the kiddies: they are called “mean drunks” for a reason.

  7. carla
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    I don’t know what Mr. “Half My Age” is packing under that sexy brown GQ trenchcoat of his, but considering the enormous gap between Dagwood’s legs as he does the hemarroid-bowlegs walk down Pastel Street, it wouldn’t have to be much to impress Blondie.

    Actually, since both Dagwood and Blondie dedicated four panels to staring intensely at this ribaldrous young man, it must have been rather significant.

  8. Steve S
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Hey, General Halftrack, the Pentagon sends messages via telegram, carrier pigeon, and Pony Express. Get with the times!

  9. Uncle Lumpy
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Gen. Halftrack can remember when the Pentagon was just a triangle.

  10. Mr. O’Malley
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    I just found a complete reissue of The Yellow Kid in our local public library. It’s not in it with the NY Public Library, but it has its good points. Actually the strip first ran as Hogan’s Alley in the New York World and then as McFadden’s Row of Flats in the New York Journal.

    I can thus authoritatively state that Lio’s encounter with the teenage prostitutes is a direct steal from the Kid’s encounter with the Riccadonna Sisters in McFadden’s Row of Flats from January 3, 1897.

  11. Bobchillingworth
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    The art of Sunday’s Judge Parker is fairly impressive in its entirety, but I’m particularly taken with the cameraman whose eyes are perpetually in shadow. I find his shaded visage and continual camera shifting to be both haunting and compelling. Also, it appears that someone shot Reggie in the forehead between the second and third panels.

  12. Uncle Lumpy
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:18 am [Reply]

  13. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Josh, I’m afraid in your writings that you’ve missed a point.

    In this Sunday’s Mary Worth, the last panel clearly shows Ian Cameron, Ella Byrd, Mary “Call me Nipples O’Fun” Worth, and Harvey Dent standing next to a painting of a naked African-American woman squating while holding a throw pillow in her hands and another between her thighs. Since African-Americans are shown in Mary Worth about as often as Toeby Cameron sitting on the shitter, what does that image represent? What type of condo association is Charterstone? Well, other than lily white and wayyyy too much idle time.

    With all the bacchanalian debauchery that happens around that Charterstone pool, I’m surprised the pharmaceutical companies haven’t set up an ED performance enhancement kiosk right next to the mailboxes. Get your mail, get your pills, pop a top, pop a biddy, Ella back, ‘ella Good.

    The waves keep on crashing on me for some reason, indeed.

  14. Concerned Citizen
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    JP – The hot reporter is an amazing shape shifter, changing looks, clothes, and hair color as the crowd is goggling at Celeste’s zany antics.

    Mmmm…hot female shape shifters…Is there anything they can’t do?

  15. Dub Not Dubya
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    MW: Hey, where is Mary’s right hand in the third panel? That’s right…Mary and Ella Zbien have become a couple offscreen while Thomas Dewey was ranting. Damn it, Moy and Giella, why don’t you ever show us the good stuff?

    Also, I’m figuring that most residents of Charterstone are running unauthorized businesses out of their condos. Something like:

    Chinbeard and Toeby: prostitution ring

    Iris: Took over Tweaker Tommy’s Very Own Meth Lab

    Wilbur: besides his regular advice column, writes one from home for a gay magazine, this time pretending to be a drag queen

    Mary: operates suicide hotline, except unwary callers are advised to commit suicide

    Eh, I’m too tired to think of any others. Anyone else have suggestions?

  16. left of the pyle
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Under HIPAA, while it is incumbent on health care providers and their business associates to maintain confidentiality, such requirement does not extend to unrelated third parties.

  17. Bobdog
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Blondie — All of Dagwood’s protesting can’t hide the fact as to what was really going on — the GQ guy was checking out Mr. Bumsted, not Mrs.

    MW — If you keep pointing like that, Mr. Dent (check out how he switches from index finger to thumb in panel four so he doesn’t wear himself out), you might get Ian aroused, because it’ll remind him of Toby and that could get awkward.

  18. Opus
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    LuAnn is a moron. Ooh, a big library! Oh no, how do I find a book? Where did she say I should go? Yeesh.

    Q: What do you call a skeleton in a closet with one blonde hair hanging from its head?

    A: The winner of last year’s hide-and-seek contest — LuAnn!

    Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, the momentum from Gary Dent’s gestures have caused the entire Charterstone complex to tip over.

  19. alsoReallySheila
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    I wonder if Gary Dent’s theatrical pointing is inference that his philadering is with another man? I mean, I almost expected him to spin prior to that last point, though I imagine the point trail would interfere with the spin trail… It almost looks like Gary is about to lunge at Ian, but is tripped up by Citizen cane. Ella also looks like she’s willng him to have a heart attack.

    Gary really is an odd rendering. He appears to flip between Vincent Price and Thomas Dewey.

    I’ve also figured out the reason Ian annoys. That pose in panel three, gives the appearance that he’s lying in wait to join the strip. The artwork doesn’t even match his other visages.

  20. Johan
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Judge Parker = BEST COMIC EVER.

  21. Ubiq
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Wait, so Lu Ann is investigating Ivo Shandor?

    I don’t think the inevitable showdown between Margo and Gozer the Destructor will end well. My guess is that it’ll involve 100-foot tall quotation marks rampaging through Times Square.

  22. Kevin
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    I love the fact that Celeste has grabbed the microphone not in order to stop the reporter from reporting but in order to shove it down her throat.

    Also, I’d be an insane lush too, if my eyeglasses kept changing shape without warning.

  23. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    CC #14:

    My favourite female shape shifter would be a tie between that woman on Space:1999* who would be standing still but imagine an animal within the pupil of her eye and suddenly change into it and — according to some really amazing books that a friend of mine in La Crosse, Wisconsin bought at a grocery store — Queen Mother Elizabeth of the British royal family who was reported to change into a lizard creature in front of Tony Blair once at a reception and eat a living child as the Prime Minister stood in horror. Somehow, that scene hit the cutting room floor in The Queen.

    More information on shape-shifting illuminati may be found on the internet.

    * – from Wikipedia

    In his 1988 opinion in the case of Williams v. Boles, a case concerning allegations of police brutality, Judge Frank Easterbrook of the United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit alluded to the series’ low reputation among the general public, writing “Many things — beating with a rubber truncheon, water torture, electric shock, incessant noise, reruns of Space: 1999 — may cause agony as they occur yet leave no enduring injury.”

    This quotation has since made it into the U.S. Supreme Court reports, courtesy of Clarence Thomas’s dissenting opinion in Hudson v. McMillian, 503 U.S. 1 (1992)

  24. Mr. O’Malley
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    12. Thanks, Uncle Lumpy, I just found that page but you saved me the trouble of posting it. That’s the very first appearance of the Riccadonna sisters from Oct. 25, 1896.

    Today’s cartoonists must be very envious of Richard Outcault getting an entire newspaper page for a single cartoon.

    The sign is a bit hard to read in the online version because of the size. It reads:

    Riccadonna Sisters
    Balley Dantsers
    Plain & Fancy Dancing to Beat the Band
    Lessons in Couché-Couché Dancing
    Come early and avoid the rush

    Bill Blackbeard, who edited the book, has a website.

    Carl Anderson, creator of Henry, worked for Outcault for a time.

    The explanation for all the bald children was that it was formerly common for people with no access to washing facilities to shave children’s heads to prevent lice.

  25. Kevin
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Furthermore, something about Celeste’s hand positioning in throwaway panel 2 suggests that she’s snapping her fingers, as if her statement should be followed with “Cha cha cha!”

    “I’m going to sue you and everyone you work for! Cha cha cha!”

    I wholeheartedly support a spinoff strip starring Celeste.

  26. kat
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    MW: Behold, as Mary, Ella, and the Professor, return from their performance art: “The Elderly Traffic Light.” When a chin beard is involved it’s always go time.

  27. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    #19 — AlsoReallySheila, I think Dent looks like Snideley Whiplash in panel 6, only not so handsome.

    #12 & 24 — Uncle Lumpy and Mr. O’Malley, your comic history info certainly does add a touch of class. And as far as I can ascertain, more information on couche-couche dancing cannot be found easily on the Internet.

  28. Crankenstank
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    BB: it’s a good thing you can download pamphlets off the internet now, so I understand!

  29. Mik Holmes
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    Did anybody else read MW as “Professor Cameron, as a condo beard member…”

  30. Joel
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    BB: Center panel (you know, Alice’s panel if it were the brady bunch), Buxley’s got big’ol back boobs. Either that or an exorcism is afoot. Yipes.

    Joshey, every time I think you are in a slump, you just find the biggest slowest moving target on the page and beat it savagely savagely savagely. Today, its the Blondie throwaway panels. Ouch, I hurt myself laughing.
    Incidentally, I think there is something ticklish about the subtle differences between their leg orientations. Its like they’re gettin funky. No?

  31. Donald The Anarchist
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    MW Oh goody! This means we’ll get a weeklong discussion of EXACTLY what the Charterstone rules and regs are! Prof Chinbeard will doubtless come to the rescue with a “What you seem to have forgotten, Mr Dent, is that subclause 16 SPECIFICALLY excludes as a business any apartment that is furnished with old lady artifacts!!! It’s called the Biddy clause and it trumps any claim you hope to make! Plus, since you don’t live here, GET OUT!!!”

  32. Luprand
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    You’ll notice that the reporter in Judge Parker (inventor of the half-second dye job) is slowly advancing on Celeste at first. Note the way she stands – first twisted one way, like one of the Supremes, and then twisted the other way as she works her way, snake-like, toward her raging, drunken prey. No wonder Celeste is swinging around so violently that her husband is subjected to the Doppler effect in his cry of “noooOO!”

  33. Other_Sally
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: Omg! Omg! Can it please, please turn out that Alan’s been dead all this time? And now he haunts the apartment? Pleaseeee?

    Speaking of Alan, how the heck did those two get together anyway? Hasn’t Luann been engaged to, like, two other men in the past year? I remember Scott, whom she dumped after he wanted her to move to another country with her, but then… what happened with Alan? Can someone fill me in?

  34. Raznor
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    My first thought with Beetle Bailey is they’re goddamn lucky the Pentagon’s forgotten about them. Otherwise, they’d be in Baghdad right now, and judging by their general level of discipline, and their World War II era equipment, they’d be slaughtered within the first week. If they’re lucky.

  35. Charlotte
    December 11th, 2006 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    In a world where self control is a non-existent character trait, A3G’s librarian has been struck mute in today’s comic. I realize that blurting out “But, he’s dead!” would do little to facilitate the current story line. But, geesh, that thought balloon is compromising my ability to suspend disbelief . . .

  36. Scurvy
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    There is a simple explanation for the first three panels of Blondie. They are meant to showcase Dagwood’s goofy gait, and 1929 ‘steppin’ out duds’ thus causing us (the readers) to gaze in futher wonderment at how he landed so fine a piece of ass as Blondie in the first place!

  37. andreavis
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    A3G: OK I have worked in libraries for over 15 years now, and I assure you, none of the straight male librarians are that hot. And the men mostly work back in Technical Services, so this whole strip is just ruined for me now.

  38. DrBear
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    3-G: The building is very imposing…and so are you! Well, aren’t the lions part of the building? Does she have a phobia about lions that hasn’t been established? And did anybody notice she has the same hair style as the lion?

    (I’m also betting the Jackie Kennedy knockoff at the info desk isn’t a person, just a cutout grinning like an idiot and pointing in that direction.)

  39. The Photocopiest
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD: And as June walks out the door, she is clearly heard to say “Whatevah, G; bitch betta have my money!”

  40. Da Scrodfather
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    The great thing about Celeste attacking the reporter is that she’s so outraged about having a lollipop shoved in her face, her glasses are flying off. Being too old-fashioned to wear contacts myself (plus I don’t like the feeling of thumbnails in my eyes) I can relate. Damn lollipops!

  41. Leslee
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: LuAnn didn’t wander into the archives room. Instead, she happened into the “Adult Section” of the NYPL and that guy isn’t a librarian. He’s just another shiftless perve who can’t afford to graze for porn at home, and the amazed look on her face in the final panel is either from the image of Alan’s iFriends post or the fact that the “assistant” isn’t wearing any pants.

  42. JEdens
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    #1 – 180 degrees

    JP, more fighting action than Spiderman ever thought of having.

    #37 – I don’t think that fellow is a straight male librarian

  43. Maughta
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Having the fifteen second attention span of most Americans, Celeste is my new favorite comic strip character. Aldo who?

    As another librarian, I can vouch that none of us ever dress that well. We often hold dusty, moldy piles of books to our chests. That does a number on our Jackie-O inspired polyester numbers and electric blue suits. Slightly squishy and bespectacled, though? I’m all down with that.

  44. Squawk
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is Luann supposed to be a gold medal winner in the Dumb Blonde Olympics? She acts like it’s the first time she’s ever been in or even seen a library.

    Blondie: Since the writer has updated the strip in other ways (e.g., the reference to GQ), why not ditch Dagwood’s bowtie once and for all?

    JP: Wasn’t the reporter blond last week? Anyway, I would’ve like to see the panel in which Celeste does indeed shove the microphone down the reporter’s throat. Lesbian forced fellatio just seems like the thing Judge Parker‘s always been missing.

    BB: By turning her head all the way around in the fifth panel like Linda Blair in The Exorcist and reciting all those arcane statistics about the Pentagon, Miss Buxley is hoping to convince the General that she’s possessed and intimidate him into giving her a raise.

  45. yellojkt
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Josh sez:

    In how many upcoming Mary Worth installments will we be able to construe Gary Dent’s rambling diatribes as accusations that Ella is a prostitute?

    All of them.

  46. Dean Booth
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    MW: I think Gary Dent has Dr. Strangelove syndrome, but instead of his arm choking him, it points at whatever’s in front of him.

    Maybe that’s how the money got thrown: His arm uncontrollably went into point mode when his hand was full of bills.

  47. Da Scrodfather
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Sadly, Monday’s Judge Parker commits the same sin as many strips and TV shows: You NEVER cut away from a catfight, especially if one of the fighters is a hot blonde [currently] reporter!

  48. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Classic though it may be, that “Yellow Kid”‘s face is giving me nightmares. That mouth looks positively feral.

  49. teenchy
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    ##7, 36: Despite appearances to the contrary, I always assumed Dagwood was hung like Seabiscuit. That would explain Blondie’s attraction to him after he was disinherited by his wealthy family.

  50. Ted
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    There seems to be consensus that JP is full of thinly veiled homosexual innuendo. Therefore I find it surprising that no one has commented on Celeste’s “Gimme that snatch” in panel five.

  51. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    I have to admit, this is the most fun that JP has been since I was born. Still can’t tell those two protagonists apart, let alone readily recall their names, but I know in intimate detail the unfolding train wretch that is the marriage of Reggie & Celeste Black.

  52. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    PS – And, I love the way Celeste claims to have been in the spa “to lose weight”. Ha ha ha ha ha!

  53. ShipticCanker
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    #49, I’ve always assumed the same thing. At least it explains why his name is spelled “Dragwood” on his birth certificate.

  54. Concerned Citizen
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    9 Uncle Lumpy – But seriously folks…

  55. King Folderol
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW – Gary Dent is probably one of the biggest whiners to appear in the history of Mary Worth, and that’s saying something. What’s next, Gary? Are you going to drive down to the pier and start beating up the palm readers for giving you bad advice? Going to give the high school kid at the “Guess Your Weight” booth the thrashing of a lifetime?

    JP – I disagree, Josh. Sam and Randy could be making hot, disgusting naked love in the final panel…the Celeste Black meltdown one of those extremely rare moments of joy that I get from these terminally boring serious comics that only come once a year, if I’m lucky. I’m having my moment, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Good day, sir.

  56. Enchilada
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    18: Yes, I was wondering if anyone else had noticed that this is clearly LuAnn’s first visit to the NYPL. Also note how her finger in panel 4 is trying to help her find the right direction….

  57. Mibbitmaker
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Actually, I think it would’ve been really cool to have the entire Sunday strip be just like the throwaway panels: just that basic pose behinf changing backgrounds, and no dialogue. And when did “Blondie” become “The Lockhorns”, anyway? Or Dagwood becoming O.J. Simpson? That’s no way to sell sandwiches!

    3G: “That library is very imposing! And so are you, lion. And that fireplug is very imposing, too. And so’s that leaf…and that blade of grass… and that fly over there…and -”

    Then there’s the “Which way?” right after. God, LuAnn’s dumber than we thought! Compared to her, a bag of doorknobs are geniuses. Or the FC kids… naw, that’s going a bit too far!

  58. Anonymous
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    I guess Judge Parker had a brief intermission, (commercial break?) where the reporter assaulted the poor sweet Celeste and STOLE HER PURPLE JACKET.
    That would explain the sly smile she has as celeste belligerantly tries to get it back!!!
    Her husband says noooooOOOO as if he’s falling off a cliff…

  59. jules
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    I laughed very hard at Apartment 3-G yesterday, for the first time in my life. Luann’s reaction to the public library was just hysterical! “It’s very imposing! Which way? Look at all these books! Oh hayulp! Whatever shall ah do?” Fortunately her Rhett Butler came along just in time, and frankly he did give a damn.

  60. srah
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: Hooray for librarians! This guy reminds me of Henry from Ugly Betty (who is the Paul Wright to Walter’s Granthony). I hope he will have a recurring role.

  61. Calico
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MW – today, I found this little tip for doing business and generally not looking like a belligerent fool in front of others in the USA and other countries: “To point, you may use the index finger, although it’s impolite to point at another person.” I think Gary/Dewey/Dabney Coleman should take note, esp. if he’s so concerned with his “Business Venture”, whatever that may be-dancing school, whorehouse, Brylcream distributor?

  62. hero120499
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    So … when did Little Miss Reporter in Judge Parker find time to dye her hair from blonde to brunette or does the action in that courthouse normally move so slow that she can step out between accusations and try out a kicky new ‘do?

  63. Pozzo
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Don’t get your hopes up, me-too!-library-guy; even if you do manage to score with Luann, she be thinking of the imposing stone lion the whole time.

    Also, “I’ll deny you, Missy!” screams “new Cumudgeon gear.”

  64. Joe
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    I wonder what The Pentagon’s alleged letter to the Camp Whatever would look like?

    Dear Camp Whatever,
    Keep up all the wacky hijinks.
    The Pentagon

  65. fishmorgjp
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Does anyone else see the part of Dent being played by Tony Randall (in Felix Unger mode)?

  66. Gal Friday
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    JP: #20. ditto.

    Celeste c’est magnifique!

    And the great sound effect: “SNATCH!”

  67. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    # 53 — HAHAHAHA! Good one, ShipticCanker.

  68. yggdrasil
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Dear “General” Halftrack,

    Cease and desist your operations immediately. Your unwarranted impersonation of a military base has outed our “covert squad” and hardly a day goes by that mangled B. Bailey isn’t in here with his lawyer. Your food services are also very poor.

    Knock it off,
    The Pentagon

  69. Brent
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Gary Dent is just begging to have a vial of acid thrown in his face like his cousin Harvey. Unfortunately with this bunch the acid is most likely to be citric rather than sulfuric.

  70. the genghis
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    See, THIS is why the press needs to more vigorously cover minor judicial election races…

    Great, now the terrorists that only read the funnies know all the Pentagon’s stats too…

  71. sally
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    #7 et al.: in addition to the throwaway repetition of panels 1,2,3, and 7 in Blondie, there’s the posture. Why is Blondie dragging Dagwood down the street to her rendezvous with King Leer?

  72. Suburban Legend
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s worth pointing out the wide range of emotions/charicatures that Gary Dent goes through:

    -Total, all-consuming depression
    -Angry accuser
    -Gleeful hitchhiker
    -Momentarily startled by Mary’s mistrust in his seriousness
    -Perturbed 1950′s sci-fi villain
    -Enthused cricket bowler/1950′s monster movie antagonist lunging forward with fangs bared

  73. Hannah
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    A point of some contention for those of us who work for condo management companies: A single violation of association rules does not result in eviction, at least if it doesn’t involve meth labs or murdering a neighbor or something. First there’s a notice, then a hearing, then maybe some fines, and by the time we get around to kicking the old bag out it’s been six months. Which, judging by the time it takes Mary Worth to cover twenty minutes of comics times, will be about twelve years from now.

    One thing in that strip that totally rings true: Ian as a Board member. I think I’ve seen him at some meetings, actually.

  74. Poppinjay
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    I think the most popular phrase in Mary Worth is, “what did you say?” It allows stories to develop at largo pace. I think The Slowskies requested it.

    Day One: “She’s a whore!”
    Day Two: “What did you say?”
    Day Three: “That she’s a whore!”
    repeat until dead.

  75. Laura c
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    You know, if I had to share a studio with an obscure dead artist, it would be Alfred Pinkham Ryder by a longshot. Henry Fuseli would disturb my sleep, and with Dante Gabriel Rossetti you’d just be asking for trouble.

  76. jules
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    #71 I spit coffee all over my poor mistreated computer at “King Leer.”

    Also, Blondie’s been with that sad-sack Dagwood too long if she thinks King Leer could have been on the cover of GQ…Leo DiCaprio he ain’t.

    Does anyone else think Gary Dent looks like Phil Ken Sebben? Ha ha! Multiple entendres!

  77. B
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    76: Does that mean all the gratuitous gesticulating will result in one of his eyes getting poked out?

  78. man behind the curtain
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    A3G — LuAnn headed down to the NYPL because she remembered seeing the building in Ghostbusters and tried to make some kind of connection. Meanwhile the guy at the library is such a loser that: a) he thinks LuAnn is super hott and b) LuAnn would rather flee into the arms of a ghost than be with him. What next — necrophilia?

  79. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    1) Re: Blondie. Unless I missed it, I’m surprised no one pointed out this strip is positively TDIET-esce. That being said, just thinking about the weird-ass Scadutoisms than might appear describing the musky yearnings stirring in Blondie’s loins makes me want to stab my hippocampus with a shrimp fork.

    2) Re: Backwards Miss Buxley in panel 5. I’m reminded of a bit Joel and the Bots did at the end of “Attack of the the Eye Creatures.” They just didn’t care.

    3) Re: A3G. You will note that the library dude is the first male character (in recent memory at least) in A3G to NOT be dressed in a glorious cyan sportcoat. To that I say: Coincidence? I think not.

    The power is Don Joshua’s. I’m just a soldier.

  80. True Fable
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G A sign that says “New York Pub” is not imposing, LuAnn you blonde twit; it is inviting. Loosen up already.
    And how is it she recognizes something that has only gone swoosh and *kiss*? Oh, never mind. Why ask why.
    Blondie I don’t know about the cover of GQ, but there are no men’s shoes in the Dagwood universe that would not break a camera. Butt ugliest brogans in the world.
    JP We have a winner, folks. This strip had movement, layout, foxy reporters, drunken roars, wailing loser hubbys, smirking lawyers playin’ all innocent, and best of all… not only does it have a future t shirt quote of “I’ll deny you, missy!”, it actually says SNATCH! when Celeste grabs the microphone. Verbalization actualization! which she somehow managed to turn completely around in her hand from one panel to the next. Nice moves, Celeste.
    BB Is Miss Buxley’s profile so stunning that she can’t be drawn any other way? At least let her face a different direction so she won’t have to play Woodsy the Owl and snap her head off her spine so she can look at the picture of the Pentagon.

  81. Foobaphobe
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    I must confess that until my recent dicovery of the lumimously beautiful Aunt Fritzi, Blondie occupied the Number One position in the pantheon of comic strip Hotties. Consequently, I do not blame that young man at all, considering that Blondie is, at about 95, still well worth a long, lingering gaze.

  82. insolenttomato
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    JP: In the second to last panel, Celeste looks particuarly MST3K’s Pearl Forrester-esque.

    A3G: Unfortunately, due to the fact that he lacks the requisite electric blue sportscoat and uber-WASPy sharp features (not to mention the fact that he wears glasses and has relegated himself to a life of genteel poverty in his chosen profession), the librarian love-child of James Spader and Stephen Colbert will only be lusting after LuAnn “gold-digging eugenicist” Powers in his heart.

  83. gengen
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    I’m too lazy to see if this has been pointed out already, but the “young guy” in Blondie looks like Archie. The back of his head, at least.

  84. RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    It was nice of Steve Forbes and Dr. Girlfriend from The Venture Brothers to take times out of their busy schedules to help Luann find…whatever the hell she’s looking for. It’s really no one’s business.

    Also, Luann does not understand the stone lion’s (nonexistant) hostility.

    Today’s Judge Parker may well be the most action packed it’s ever been. It’s a nice change of pace from the ongoing plot of people standing and drinking.

  85. Forthillrox
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    MW (and 73 Hannah) Since when are single members of condo boards obligated to kick out a property owner? Usually these things come to a vote and maybe a fine and/or cease and desist order imposed for a violation, but anything like kicking someone out, especially someone who owns their unit, would be the domain of the housing or land court. Condo boards, in most states, are like boards of selectmen but weaker and have very little power beyond making certain executive decisions… The ones I deal with in my profession rarely take their role particularly seriously.

  86. dan b
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    this might be a stretch, and i’m surprised none of the commenters have picked up on this yet, but I’m pretty sure Celeste Black is Linda Tripp with a bad haircut.

    See here for a comparison.

    And if someone has already pointed this out, well, I guess she looks like Captain Kangaroo.

  87. BewaretheCreeper
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: For a 1920′s flapper Blondie must be a MILF Extraordinaire to elicit such raging hormones on the streets of Dagwoodland. Anybody know of a websight with compromising pictures of Blondie?!

  88. The Great Ka Floopa-Gush
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    JP: first panel, it’s Rory Gilmour! I never thought she would switch from print journalism to tv.

    BTW, in Sunday’s JP, Celeste says, “I’m going to shove this down her throat!”, whereas on Monday she says “I’m going to jam this in her…”, giving the impression that she’s planning on lodging the microphone somewhere other than Rory’s throat.

  89. Concerned Citizen
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    88 – Yes, it’s entirely true. A drunken Celeste threatening to violate a reporter. Really, the comics do not get any better than this.

  90. Kate
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    I feel very sad that everyone’s all aflutter over Celeste, when just a few weeks ago we were clutching our pearls over Aldo. Is it always the latest sensation with us? Have we no staying power?

  91. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    Alas, Kate, I have no pearls to clutch. As a male of the species, we tend to clutch something else. What, you may ask?

    Tender pieces of succulent prime rib. It leaves us speechless.

  92. jules
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Dingo! You stole Granpa Chinnuts’ prime rib! For shame. I’m speechless!

  93. commodorejohn
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G – It looks like a set of illustrations for a really really boring Nancy Drew book. Luann in particular is looking like Nancy IMHO.

    Blondie – He may or may not be well-equipped, but now we find that Dagwood at least has some balls. Normally he’s just utterly indifferent when bad things happen, but hey, he got worked up about something.

    JP – Yeah, I agree with #82 – Celeste is a fatter, worse-dressed Pearl without the sardonic wit. Also, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one to wonder if things are going in an X-rated direction, especially exacerbated by today’s “Let go! I’m going to jam this in her-” Maybe Bil Keane guest-stripped for a while.

    MW – Um, since when is it “illegal” to run a business out of your home? Against condo rules, okay, but “illegal?” Also Dent is looking like the horrific lovechild of Vincent Price and John Cleese. And Clark Gable.

    BB – I didn’t even notice the owl-head/backboobs thing until it was pointed out, but OUCH. Also, more evidence to further the theory that this is not a real military installation. (Why would it be, anyway? There don’t ever seem to be any trainees, and nobody else ever ships out.)

  94. san antone rose
    December 11th, 2006 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Our bookworm is so deeply and erotically charged by Lu Ann’s mere presence that, in order to win her attention and affections, he’s transgressing the ultimate librarian taboo and actually shouting in the library.

    Actually, he’s transgressing the ultimate librarian taboo of doing Lu Ann’s research for her. Sit her ass down and let her scroll throught that microfilm!

    Oh, and a male librarian? Probably gay.

  95. gnome de blog
    December 11th, 2006 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    MW – Bucky Dent, who has many aliases, looks like William Powell to me.

    A3G – Junior Assistant Research Librarian does indeed have the requisite electric-blue suit. The gray was only the usual disjointed efforts of the Sunday colorists. And the baby-blue tie is a nice touch. Very sweet. Perfect with the Leninist glasses.

    #90 – Kate, Aldo’s murdered. Though we honor his memory, we must move on.

  96. Plunk Your Magic Twanger
    December 11th, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: If this storyline is going to involve Blondie being repeatedly nailed in sleazy motel rooms, I approve!

    JP; Just when Celeste may be about to start tearing off the blonde-again reporter’s clothes, we’re going to watch the ambiguously gay duo file a goddamn petition?!?!

    MT: That is one tired beaver!

    FW: “Harry Dinkle”???

    RMMD: Why is June’s business card so tiny?

    MW: Why is Dent becoming progressively more effeminate?

  97. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    # 80 — True Fable, that comment was great. Bwahahahaha!

  98. Ellie M.
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    JP: Has anyone else noticed that Celeste’s hand turns a weird green color when she grabs the reporter’s microphone? It’s like she’s Hulkifying or something.


  99. Heckler123
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G – No wonder LuAnn is all “golly-gee-whiz” as she enters the imposing building. If I’m reading it correctly, the carved stone letters say she is entering the New York Pub. She was hopin’ for a desorrono on the rocks, and like, all she can see are books!

  100. andreavis
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    #94: I’ve worked in both academic and public libraries, and I can tell you, Luann’s (straight?) librarian friend is doing it exactly right. In the academic library, reference training emphasises showing the patron how to find the info, and we were explicitly forbidden to give them the answers; in the public library, we were required to track the answer down for the “customer”, and you couldn’t let them leave until they were appreciative, satisfied and sold (that’s what our mission statement said, anyways.)

  101. Dr. Forrester
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    #98 Ellie M, for the love of God, please never, ever use the words “Celeste” & “Snaaatch” (sic) in a sentence ever again. The image of a nude, besotted, hippo-esque woman has now burned itself into my subconscious. I must now pour lye directly into my ears in an attempt to alleviate the horror.

  102. Len
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    #7 — Dean Young throws a sop to his chessecake lovin’ fans and shows us an occasional :spicy” shot of Blondie. No such favors for those who appreciate beefcake, however. Mr. Half-My-Age is wrapped up in a trenchcoat! Some artistic Curmudgeons should attempt to draw him displaying just what made Blondie and Dagwood stare at him for several panels.

    The Phantom is there for fans of stripey-assed super-heroes. On rare occasions McEldowney will show us Seth in his leotard. It’s a tough world in comics for fans of the attractive masculine form.

  103. Audible Sigh
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    102: Len, well said. Most reasonably attractive males (by comic strip standards) are swathed in layers of clothing and act as if they’re neutered, a la Rex Morgan or Sam Driver. While Sven from 9CL is supposedly well built and often scantily clad and seemingly sexually charged, alas his visage is always off panel. One would think Lynn Johnston being a heterosexual female would alleviate this situation, but no, she keeps trying to pass Anthony off on us, as if we don’t know what constitutes a beautiful, intelligent, sexual male. But we do, Lynn, we do, and Anthony it ain’t.

  104. Craig Shergold
    December 12th, 2006 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    If Blondie ever Flapped in the ’20s, there would have been physics involved. Ugly, graduate school physics.

    Miss Buxley is merely demonstrating the alternative dimensions of the Pentagon: inside, it’s a round wedding cake.

  105. Craig Shergold
    December 12th, 2006 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Newspaper comics were a completely different world in Yellow Kid days. The strip only ran in one newspaper.

    The Sunday full-page comic print runs involved the artist and the color printing manager monitoring the tinting all night long. It’s no accident they were gorgeous.

  106. Craig Shergold
    December 12th, 2006 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Obscure artists indeed. There is no Alfred Pinkham Ryder visible to Teh Google. I would go with Remedios Varo, my favorite obscure artist. She would give me alchemical cooking tips.

  107. Dean Booth
    December 12th, 2006 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    101. Dr. Forrester, my guess is that your revulsion at the “Celeste & Snaaatch” image is that Celeste looks like Pearl, your mother.

  108. moe99
    December 12th, 2006 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    In yet another illustration of life imitating comics, it appears that the author of a rather lame comic is having legal troubles:

    Another conservative lawbreaker:

    Hoosier Edward Bruce Tinsley, creator of the conservative comic strip Mallard Fillmore, was arrested in Columbus Dec. 4 and charged with operating a vehicle under the influence — his second alcohol-related arrest in less that four months, according to the Bartholomew County Sheriff’s Department.

    Tinsley, 48, who lives in Columbus, had a blood-alcohol level of 0.14 — almost twice the level at which an Indiana driver is considered intoxicated. He posted $755 bond.
    On Aug. 26, Tinsley was arrested for public intoxication, according to the sheriff’s department.

  109. gnome de blog
    December 12th, 2006 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    AlBERT Pinkham Ryder. Major American painter, late 19th, early 20th Century.

  110. Ellie M.
    December 12th, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    “#98 Ellie M, for the love of God, please never, ever use the words “Celeste” & “Snaaatch” (sic) in a sentence ever again. The image of a nude, besotted, hippo-esque woman has now burned itself into my subconscious. I must now pour lye directly into my ears in an attempt to alleviate the horror.”

    Then my work is done. ;)

  111. insolenttomato
    December 12th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    commodore john; thank you very much! I feel my Celeste = Pearl work is done. :)

  112. Retro Trivia Lad
    December 19th, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    What I’d like to see in a future installment of Beetle Bailey:

    “Here’s that letter from the Pentagon you were expecting, General Halftrack… Oh my god — the base-closing commission is axing Camp Swampy!”

Comments are closed for this post.