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Mary Worth, 5/26/06

The problem with this strip — well, let’s not call it a “problem” so much as a “totally awesome thing” — is that it sort of ignores sequential art’s usual left-to-right chronology. Thus, to the casual eye this exchange reads like this:

Kelly: …I started to spend less time with my husband!

Mary: That’s the spirit, Kelly!

Also, to the casual eye it looks like Kelly is psyching herself up to punch Lou in the face in panel two. That, also, is the spirit, as far as I’m concerned.

Spider-Man, 5/26/06

How many geeks now desperately hope to recreate this little scene, and its real-superhero-on-fake-superhero sexual aftermath, back at the hotel at the next big comics convention? So many noble dreams, just waiting to be shattered.

Ziggy, 5/26/06

At last, somebody has the guts to speak the truth to power. I just hope that when Tom II enters his 76th day of solitary confinement somewhere in Guantanamo Bay, the knowledge that he spoke up when nobody else would consoles him.

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For Better Or For Worse, 5/25/06

Now, I’m not one to wish ill on a sweet, innocent young girl, even if said girl is a cartoon character … oh, who am I kidding. Seriously, something pretty bad better have happened to Liz since we last saw her moping, because if she thinks having an important job in an exciting place far away from the stifling omnipresence of her family, as well as two hot guys competing for her affection, constitutes her life falling apart, then I for one will … um … think less of her.

Meanwhile, I’ll bet that Finger Quotin’ Margo has something to say about your use of quotes in your e-mail, April!

Ha, ha, that crazy finger-quotin’ dame! Could you ever get tired of her?

Seriously, I’d like to know. I’d use her every day if I didn’t think it would get boring after a while. I love her that much.

The Phantom, 5/25/06

Meanwhile, in the Phantom, a bunch of guys are getting machine-gunned to death. To which I say: rockin’! But, um, can you actually show people being gunned down by wave after wave of hot lead in the funnies? Those of you who read Scott Adams’ blog may remember that he was forced by his editors to have a cop shooting a donut instead of a pistol so as to keep gunplay out of the comics pages. To, you know, protect the children. And while it seems unlikely to me that lots of children read the Phantom, it seems even less likely that they read Dilbert, so I’m a bit confused.

Finally, some of you have already noted that the Houston Chronicle’s invaluable comics site is down. This appears to be because the site has gone to stripped-down, low-graphics “high traffic” mode because people around the world want to read about how former Enron execs (and local Houston boys) Skilling and Lay are guilty guilty GUILTY. And really, who can blame them? But it means that we comic lovers have to suffer. First they plunge huge swaths of California into darkness and screw over their own employees so that they could have hot-and-cold running Courvoisier in their walled compounds, and now this? When will their reign of evil finally end? Anyway, thanks to the outage, I haven’t read a good chunk of the comics I usually read daily, so if there are any particular gems I missed, I’ll put up a supplemental post.

Update: Well, of course, it came back up five minutes after I put up this post. Anyway, only one really jumped out at me:

Pluggers, 5/25/06

Normally Pluggers is all about kind-heartedness and good feelings, but … check out the look on Mrs. Plugger there. “I’m going to put your tools in the garbage, you over-cholesteroled lump … after you die. Oh, please, God, why won’t he die?”

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Six Chix, 5/24/06

Yeah, so this makes all kinds of no sense. I suppose it’s supposed to be a play on the metaphorical and literal meanings of the phrase “horn blowing,” but … but … but. I want to believe that this isn’t just totally insane, but I just can’t figure out how. Help. Please.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/24/06

Fun new phrase to try to deploy in everyday life: “Pretzel Playroom.” Fun new name to suggest to expectant parents as a substitute for “Taylor” or “Devlin”: “Arfo.”

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/06

Question: Was the dashing police officer sexually attracted to Miss Buxley … or to her sexy, sexy car? Also, note that said sexy, sexy car has some pimpin’ rims, to the extent that the universe of Beetle Bailey can accommodate the concept of “pimpin’ rims.” Also also, I know that it’s probably a goof-up among the coloring monkeys, but I’d like to think that Miss Blips’ hair is suddenly blonde because she’s desperate to find out if blondes really do have more fun. (Did you know that her name was Miss Blips? I had to look it up. Yes, it’s a reference to her tiny breasts — they’re just “blips on the radar screen” compared to Miss Buxley’s — which no doubt means that the dye job won’t help.)

In cockroach news, after a bout of judicious insecticide spraying and a thorough mopping of the cat floor area to eliminate scent trails, I awoke to a roach-free cat dish this morning. Hopefully they aren’t marshaling their forces for some sort of counterattack.