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Here are your comments of the week, once again! A few people have pointed out to me, quite rightly, that it makes sense to put the #1 comment of the week in these posts, since they are archived for all time. So, this week’s winner:

“OK, Mary. In a perfect world, every impoverished nation would have postcards for sale on every corner and comprehensive cell phone coverage. Of course, in a perfect world, you would constantly be covered in fire ants.” –Splinky

And the almost-as-hilarious runners up:

“Ted Forth just keeps getting mildly cooler all the time. On the scale of dull preppy white guys he’s already moved from Dan Quayle to Tom Scavo. Next stop: Greg Kinnear.” –rich

“Shoot me now if I have to see Mary Worth in low cut magenta slacks. Just take the gun and point it at my head.” –Marc

“Mary is lucky to have friends like Ian and Toby Cameron. Otherwise she would be the worst person in the entire world.” –The Ray

“It bothers me a LOT that Funky Winkerbean is neither funky nor winkerbean.” –Christopher

“I say the time has come to replace Nietzche Family Circus with Margo Nietzche. She understands the will to power, the transvaluation of values, the death of morality, the philosophy of the superman, and what wine to order.” –Marion Delgado

“Christ, 4Evah’s Halloween experience makes ‘Monster Mash’ sound like Lou Reed on a three-day heroin binge.” –Facebones

“That’s the first time I have ever seen Cathy and feminism mentioned in the same sentence. Every Cathy strip lowers the glass ceiling a fraction of an inch.” –Bitter Scribe

“TWO biddies? Oh man … we are in for something big and biddilicous.” –Evey

“Binge drinking + French maid outfit = most uplifting Funky Winkerbean storyline ever!” –Zikar

“I wonder what Mr. Wilson’s job was before he ‘retired’ (read: was fired for criminal misconduct). He strikes me as the mailman type, because he always delivers the laffs.” –Joe

“Grandpa Walt [in Gasoline Alley] will never die. Why, you may ask? Cause senile dementia is COMEDY GOLD baby.” –ChefMike

“I own a handful of classic jazz records. While I don’t consider myself an expert in these matters, I’m almost positive Dizzy Gillespie’s horn never, ever made a noise like ‘bweeaappaabaapaa twaarboorp.’ On the other hand, Dizzy Gillespie didn’t suck total ass. Thanks for letting me share.” –dramashoes

“I’m into statuesque, homoerotic superheroes as much as the next guy, but what muscles are those even supposed to be on the Phantom’s back?” –bup

“Maybe Mark Trail is heading in the direction of a Pluggers origin story? ‘And that’s how Andy Dog met Molly Bear, and their unholy coupling somehow spawned a kangaroo, a chicken, and a folksy, down-home breed of class rage.'” –Sara B.

Also! It’s that time of week where I thank our sponsors, without whom I’d have to spend more time doing actual stupid work.

• The Physics of Superheroes
• Very Funny Ads (powered by TBS) (link includes sound, so turn the volume down if you’re at work)
• PETA’s Boycott KFC video (starring Pamela Anderson)
• 8 films to die for: After Dark Horrorfest

Learn more about advertising on this blog here.

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Mary Worth, 10/29/06

TOMMY’S COMING BACK! TOMMY’S COMING BACK! TOMMY’S COMING BACK!

Oh, let’s bask in the anticipatory Tommyness, shall we?

As noted, if you’re not already familiar with the gospel of Tommy, now’s the time to get ready for the hijinks. Start here and work your way forward chronologically.

Anyway, based on the sub-Crossing Over with John Edward chicanery on display here, I’m going to guess that Ella is not actually a psychic, but is a one of Tommy’s friends from the joint in drag, pulling some kind of scam over on dear old mom. It’s all going to end in tears and recriminations and basement meth lab explosions. I’m a very happy man.

Family Circus, 10/29/06

The sequence of dialog is important here. “If people see you they’ll know who we are!” “And we’ll miss out on any extra candy!” So, you give more candy to total strangers than to kids that you know? There’s only one possible explanation: Their neighbors hate them as much as we do.

Judge Parker, 10/29/06

Raju: Scholar. International traveller. Wrestling nutritionist. Renaissance man. Cockblocker.

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They’ll Do It Every Time, 10/28/06

TDIET exists to give whiny, petulant voice to the sort-of-but-not-really voiceless, and thus I always assume that whatever character is best expressing that classic look of quizzical put-upon-ness is meant to stand in for whoever sent the idea in to Mr. Scaduto in the first place. Today’s episode is an elaborate fantasy in which helpful teenagers are constantly thwarted in their attempts to pull their weight in the household; thus, we can only assume that “A. White” is the helpful baseball-cap flipping, vest-wearing cool cat. The idea that a teenager might be a regular TDIET reader is truly horrifying, however. Please, please tell me that, like David Tarafa, A. White is a plucky young Curmudgeon reader. PLease?

Another possibility is that A. White is actually the silent but clearly horror-stricken mother in this scenario. She’s too terrified to stand up to her obviously rage-filled hubby on her kid’s behalf in person, so she’s hoping that his favorite cartoon feature in the Boston Herald will show him the error of his control-freakish ways.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith and Mark Trail, 10/28/06

“Yeah, Andy, we’ve got to find Molly! And by ‘we,’ I mean ‘you.’ Go find our friend! I’ll be here with the gun … you know, if you need me … or whatever.” This strip just further illustrates that there isn’t a single featherless biped in Mark Trail who’s worth a damn. I hope that after Andy and Molly take care of the brothers -ake, they turn on Mark and his friends, and then rule over Lost Forest like the King and Queen of the Beasts that they are.

I offer this Snuffy Smith for comparison, to illustrate how Mark Trail is hopefully going to play out in a few days. That “Grr!!” coming out of the bear is meant to be menacing, but comes out just sort of cute and Molly-like.

The Phantom, 10/28/06

The Ghost Who Walks Very Uncomfortably In His Tight, Tight Pants is offering a lovely ass shot in the first panel (this one’s for you, bootsybrooks!), but I’m more looking forward to next week’s thrilling factory tour! “And in here is the break room … you can see we just got a new refrigerator … now down here is the factor floor, and here’s the conveyor belt … an interesting thing about this model is that it was first designed to accommodate a five-foot-wide belt, but they’ve been able to expand it to accommodate our shipping containers, which have had to get bigger because of changing packaging regulations…”

Judge Parker, 10/28/06

God damn it, is this strip going to be about not making assumptions about people based on first appearances, and about how people who seem very different might have a lot in common, and could even become good friends? Because that’s going to blow.

For Better Or For Worse, 10/28/06

Oh, 4Evah and Eva’s public humiliation is going to be delicious.