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Mary Worth, 3/23/17

Ahhhhhh yes, when it comes to finding bargains online, Toby sure knows how to pick them! Like the time she couldn’t find some boring-ass documentary for Ian at the video store so she had the brainstorm of ordering it online from but then she got phished and criminal Canadians misused her card, which had literally zero consequences for her, but she was wracked with anxiety that Ian would leave her for her e-commerce incompetence, but it turned out that he didn’t, even though he hadn’t been particularly impressed by the documentary in the first place. What I’m trying to say is that Toby and Mary are going to go down to the Santa Royale docks where the special “low-cost cruise” is supposed to dock, only to have their organs harvested by the Serbian mob.

Crock, 3/23/17

Little Otis: still hanging out with Wadsworth the vulture, I guess? Anyway, today they’re talking about going to the mall (a vulture mall???) so that the boy can start forming romantic/sexual attachments to female vultures. Normally I think that kids today are far too sheltered, but I’m beginning to think that Otis’s parents should be providing a little more supervision in his life.

Dennis the Menace, 3/23/17

Demonstrating that the pious, simple maxims we repeat to each other and our children aren’t really compatible with the messy complexity of the human experience: definitely one of the most menacing things you can do.