Soapy Tuesday
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Gil Thorp, 9/3/24
I always joke about how the good people of Milford and the greater Valley Conference catchment area at large are completely crazed over high school sports. What I hadn’t reckoned with is that, in the age of social media, what had until recently been a local phenomenon has gone national. Just as TikTok users everywhere now watch endless videos about sorority rush at the University of Alabama with mingled fascination and horror, so too have sports fans been drawn into the drama and excitement of the football season for the Mudlarks and their rivals; and as today’s strip makes clear, the memetic vector for this viral trend is Mary Moon’s podcast, which has had the side effect of making Marty a celebrity as well. But at what cost? Look at his grim facial expression in panel three there. He knows how the game is played in the year 2024, and he knows the only way to become a successful content creator is to get personal, to share your own struggles, no matter how damaging and humiliating. So yeah, this reporter knows about Marty. She knows about the drinking, about the on-air meltdowns, about perpetrating fraud on CPS, about the time he was financially ruined by “friendly” golf bets. She knows about all of it, and he knows she knows, and it’s honestly killing him. He just wanted to report on sports, like Howard Cosell and Chris Berman, and maybe get a little recognition for it. That’s all he ever wanted. Did those guys ever have to publicly gut themselves three times a week for the amusement of the vultures streaming on Spotify, then pull themselves together enough to read the copy for a mattress ad?
Gasoline Alley, 9/3/24
If you find the emotional intensity of Gil Thorp too much, may I recommend Gasoline Alley? In the latest plot developments, Walt’s new cat didn’t want to eat her food, so Gertie got a new flavor and now she’s eating again. This took two weeks!
Judge Parker, 9/3/24
Ah, yes: piles of putrid uncanned trash rapidly baking in the early September sun … a college undergraduate smiling cruelly at a text about someone getting dumped, possibly her … just another day in the greatest city in the world! Da Big Apple, baby!!!!
168 replies to “Soapy Tuesday”
JP:
“It’s over.”
“Wow. Roy Orbison is texting me? I thought he wasn’t with us anymore — you know, like Glen’s dad.”
RMMD:
Taking a page from Brando’s Terry Malloy in On the Waterfront, Tyler anguishes: “I coulda been a Kenworth. I coulda been a Truck instead of a Tonka, which is what I am — let’s face it.”
GT:
You know it’s a slooooooow news day when the national media is jockeying for position to talk about sports in front of Milford High.
Panel three: Sophie gets flattened by a city bus because she’s walking in the street while staring at her phone.
Luckily, the creators at Gasoline Alley know that the emotional ups and downs of the crazy seesawing “can’t won’t eat its new food so gets a different brand” plot is just a bit too pulse-pounding for its core readers (octogenarians) and wisely recommends a nap now that it’s blessedly all over.
Sophie is smiling because she thinks the strip was cancelled and she can finally be free. But, like Sysiphus, her torment is repetitive and never-ending. Fall may have come to Judge Parker but the sweet winter of final release never will.
FC: Just how do they get those shirts over those ginormous heads?
RMMD:
“Why’d you smash that cup?”
“Can’t you see I’m conflicted, Wanda?!? — that’s why the arrows on my shirt are pointing in two completely different directions!”
GT: Only local and national news outlets? What’s the matter, AFP and Al Jazeera? Is high school football in some random American small town too real for your weak-hearted audience?
DT: “Hello, Diet Smith! I am Ro-Zan, whom you have never met before! I come bearing gifts, which is why I arrived unannounced, refused to answer any hails, and disabled your defense systems with my advanced military technology! Anyway, this space car is yours now! Also, this undocumented mummy sarcophagus for some reason! None of this is suspicious at all, I assure you! By the way, my ride’s not picking me up for a week, is it cool if I crash until then?”
MW: Smooth, Truck. Being cryptically evasive and running away while leaving others to figuratively and literally clean up your messes is much less embarrassing than mentioning you’ve been having some hand pain recently. Your girlfriend might think you’re a lunatic and an asshole, but at least she doesn’t think you have an easily diagnosable and treatable common ailment.
CS: “Hey, you kids! Stop watching animal abuse videos and scat pornography in class!”
“Excuse you, Mr. Moore, but didn’t we have a fire drill earlier this week? Pretty sure it logically follows that now we get to look at whatever we want.”
“Urk… no, wait, we said reading, not watching!”
“Oh, but we’ve got the subtitles on. Maybe you should – how to put this – ‘learn to speak with more clarity.’” [smirk]
JP: Sophie and Reena take the train home from their summer beach vacation; one day or a couple months later, fall comes to New York City. Francesco Marciuliano loves his pointless cliffhangers too much to tell us who today’s message is from, but judging by Sophie’s grin it’s probably from Glen and not very interesting. We may still have a few days before this series pivots to the next plot, and lord knows we get plenty of insane last-minute revelations in these epilogues, but to heck with it, the seasons have changed and I’m doing my conclusion now.
It’s often really hard to keep track of the plot threads that Marciuliano has dropped or forgotten and those he believes he addressed perfectly adequately. A good example of the latter is Trey’s motive for murdering Harold. Trey loved the perks of being the brother of a CEO’s wife – indeed, he had a job at Harold’s company entirely for this reason and presumably stood to lose his privileged position without Harold’s backing – but he was really bitter about Harold possibly being a crappy husband and father, and more importantly not working out of the corporate office very often. Do these not sound like particularly compelling reasons for someone to end a relative’s life while direly risking their own freedom and reputation? Too bad, ‘cause that’s all you’re getting. The villain’s primary motivation for committing the murder that drove this entire story was that the victim had a poor attendance record at work.
I’m not even going to pretend I can address anywhere even close to all the questions and problems with this story, but I also don’t want to let it off the hook, either. So here’s a semi-random selection of those issues:
– Why did Trey dump Harold’s body right next to the beach of his own home?
– Why didn’t Trey do anything after being informed by Sophie about the body’s discovery other than lying in a way that might buy him time but would ultimately implicate him?
– Where did Lucas go after telling Glenmom and Trey about the arrival of the cops? Does he even know his dad is dead? Does he care? Does anyone else care whether or not he knows or cares?
– Did Sophie actually like Lucas as a person at all? Why did she treat him so horribly?
– Why did Glen, Sophie, and Reena never even try to call Harold themselves?
– What happened to Neddy and Declan?
– Why is Reena’s entire character still just “20% sassy friend/ 80% silent bystander” after so many appearances?
– Why were Lucas and Glen different characters when the story would have been much more coherent and less ridiculous if they were just the same character?
– Seriously, what the hell was going on with Lucas in every single regard?
– What is this family’s last name? No, really, this is important. We readers are going to have to refer to this story in the future and now we have no easy consensus name to reference like with Judge Duncan, Ann, and Pavel. Is it the Lucas story? He mostly disappeared for the last two thirds. The Trey story? He’s barely in it. The Glen story? He’s barely important to it. The Harold story? He’s just an off-page corpse! Dick move, Marciuliano. Dick move.
@jroggs: *RMMD, not MW. Today’s MW is more of Ed’s terrible office management skills and – even worse – more “We’re in on the joke too, see?” crap. Just disgusting stuff.
JP: I know the stereotype of New Yorkers is they jaywalk through traffic while yelling “I’M WALKING HERE!” but normally they go across the street, not along it. Sophie, you may be a Parker-Driver, but that doesn’t make you a driver or even a parker!
RMMD: You know, I’ve had trigger finger before. You go to the doctor and they either give you a steroid shot in your palm or they put you on an anti-inflammatory. It’s one of the easiest conditions to treat. But instead let’s act like cryptic, violent dust in the wind.
Rex Morgan MILF Diver – Aren’t they going to make Truck wash dishes to pay for the damage? I’m beginning to think this strip isn’t realistic.
MW: “We’re OVERCROWDED here! I’m glad Sheila agreed to BOARD these guys this week! That will give me time to get in my new supply of EUTHANASIA DRUGS! THEN we’ll have more ROOM!”
JP:
“It’s ‘over’.”
Types; “Thanks!” Thinks; “This crossword hotline is really helpful.”
GA: It takes a depressing lack of imagination to name a pet the sound that it makes. But, hey, let’s go with it. Every dog in Mary Worth is now named Woof. ( since none of them ever says “Arf,” or any derivative thereof)
9CL: The piano: a hitherto unadvertised reason to purchase germ-killing wipes. Lots of germ-killing wipes.
Luann: Work from home? Does Jonah even have a home? He always struck me as the mooching couch surfer type.
Pluggers: Pluggers are rotting, medically decrepit meatsacks # 7,492.
@MKay:
Says the poster named for a vocal expression.
Judge Parker: Sofie’s camera is pointed more-or-less directly at the credits box in panel two. Is this some sort of announcement? The end of the Marciuliano/Manley reign of terror? The end of the strip itself? NOOOOO, you can’t let things go out without at least another gigantic unearned cash settlement for the Spencer-Driver clan!
Judge Parker : Wow, I didn’t know Sophie was a fan of Homestar Runner in general, and Teen Girl Squad in particular!
“Sorry, ducking autocorrect. It’s oeuvre, and it’s a perfectly fine Scrabble word, I’m sorry you’re not familiar with art terms, and I’m breaking up with you.”
Shoe:
“Where did you first learn you were gay?
“Bent, Oregon”
GT – It’s too bad someone shouted his name. He looks all set to say, “the name is Moon. Marty Moon.”
GA: She’s talking to me, isn’t she? Can she me? I’m not dressed. Stop looking at me!
@Anonymous: This story would have been completely redeemed if it ended with Sophie, Reena, and Glen getting arrow’d. Bonus points for Lucas looking so good.
Mary Worth: Thank God that Sheila is an expert in treating CHHTLD (Canine Hootin’ Hollar Tongue Lolling Disease). These Rotties are practically to “Loweezy” on the Normal to Snuffy scale.
Dennis the Menace: “You’re a plugger if your neighbor kid makes barely-disguised snide references to your constant noticeable weight gains.”
Garfield: I actually laughed at today’s strip. It could be a Plugger entry: “You’re a plugger if someone blames you for eating one dessert when alibi is you were actually eating up all of another one.” It could be a Dustin strip too, with DustDad in the Garfield role.
9CL: So the whole point of advancing the characters a generation was to find new ways to sexualize the piano. “Oh god, more Middle C!”
I’d like to see the missing second panel where Sophie changes the case on her phone to a different colour while in the middle of her walk down the street.
Tomorrow in Dustin: Ed wonders why his son is so stupid.
JP: Today the Text-a-Bible-Verse service is doing John 19:30.
“Cat won’t eat its food” is the most emotionally wrenching storyline I’ve seen in a soap strip. I’m glad Josh skipped to the happy ending!
GT: I never figured her for a Moonster.
GA: At first, I read that as, “I’ll take catnip myself.” That might work as a fortnight-long story.
JP: It’s about time Reena terminated her friendship with Sophie.
RMMD: Instead of just telling her what happened, Truck goes all drama queen and storms off like a little bitch. Maybe Wanda can write a song about that.
Dustin: “Yeah, well, monkeys could fly out my ass too, but it’s not likely, so just ring me up, okay?”
CS: Sure, Mrs. Moore, they’re old enough to read whatever they want — porn, racist screeds, antisemitic manifestos, hate speech, whatever. We should be celebrating these things, right?
Frazz: Frazz is speaking from experience. There was that one time he didn’t clean the restrooms, and, wow!, did he hear about it.
Luann: The Evanses want to make you think Toni is sad that Shannon won’t be a fixture in her life anymore, but, in truth, Toni is upset at the realization she’ll have to have sex with Bra so they can have their own child. Understandable!
CS: It’s nice to see Cayla continue her role, not as Les’s rebound wife, but as a mouthpiece for whatever hot garbage Batiuk wants to pass off as profundity.
Gil Thorp – By the strip’s own canon the city runs on youth sports. But with NIL money on the line, Marty knows this his work is no longer merely a factor in whether non-pro level athletes get into college on scholarship. Now NIL means life-changing money is on the line, and with it the risks and con artists willing to prey on teenagers and their talent. This is a city that turned their juvenile justice system into a sports league for degenerate gamblers to wager on, so Marty knows corruption was already high before the rush of money came in. How can he objectively call a game and work to serve fans and athletes, while fending of the corrupt elite who want to ring as much money out of young athletes as possible?
He’s right to look grim.
Gasoline Alley – Heaven help us all if this strip adds a kid character and they do a six-month long arc of trying to get the him or her to eat something other than chicken fingers when they go out to a restaurant.
Judge Parker – Sadly everyone in the frame is on their phones or listening to headphones, so chances of seeing or hearing something shady in the background and being sucked into an urban noir plotline drops to near zero.
9CL: “You know the piano competition is tomorrow. Don’t you have anything you can be doing besides destroying this piano?”
JP – Everyone complained so much about Judge Parker plots being impossible to follow, that they’ve resorted to explicitly stating when the current storyline is over. Now if they really want to be kind to their frazzled and confused readers, they’ll do like Gasoline Alley and let us have a nice little nap before the next story begins!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Rich bastards like Don Abundio think they own the world, but I still have control over little things!”
“Like my black star wallpaper!”
“And I can still rent a billboard!”
[Billboard: DOWN WITH ABUNDIO]
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
@#19: I’m named for my actual name. The connection to South Park’s Mr Mackey is a bonus.
Rex Morgan: Man, I’m glad the author’s writer’s block was broken by the XIAFLEX ad on Geezer TV instead of the “broken carrot” one. I do not want to see that immortalized on the comics page.
JP – After all these years, Sophie lets her guard down and we inadvertently get a glimpse of a text from a mysterious figure who tells her the fix is in and how to place her bet on this weekend’s college football game. So we finally find out how the Parker-Drivers keep getting these unearned windfalls.
MW: Now it’s time for Dr. Ed to interrogate Estelle about her love life with the Rotty Twins.
Zits: Poor Jeremy. He should branch out and find new friends.
FC: Look at Dolly! She’s definitely thinking, “I’m two seconds from making sure your head is on the right way, dumb ass!”
JP: Sidewalks are for commoners, and garbage.
@taig:
“Hey, my dad beat your mom at the World Cellist Competitions BECAUSE he ruined a piano by boinking on top of it! I’m actually HELPING your chances to win!”
CS: “I wonder why ‘Fahrenheit 451’ is on the School Board’s ‘not approved’ reading list?”
“Because some people think that its themes are too adult for the students.”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious!”
Alabama Sorority Rush – Look, I rushed at the University of Georgia 30 years ago – this is back before the interwebs did a lot of the hard work. It was a big production – not entirely unlike what you see in the videos, but it was grueling. On both sides. As a rushee, you schlepped around to 18 houses in the blazing heat, meeting people who were on the lookout for anyone more important than you, trying to make your hometown and major sound interesting. I had a nervous habit of applying lipstick before each house, and by the end of it, I had a severe case of Clown Mouth. I still managed to pledge a sorority.
On the inside, we would get up at the buttcrack of dawn to inflate and tie hundreds of helium balloons that covered the ceilings of our house for…ambience? I don’t know. But as one of a handful of people skilled enough to tie a balloon with the ribbon integrated into the knot, I was in high demand as a worker bee. As a social bee – they usually put me toward the back of the pack.
What I’m saying is, Marty Moon would be a Kappa Kappa Gamma. Gil would be a Phi Mu. Dorothy would be a Zeta Tau Alpha, and Keri… would be pledging the library.
MW: Ed’s work seems to consist of nothing other than killing epic numbers of pets. Now it seems he also operates a kennel all without the the help of a single employee. I’m not sure KM knows much about vet clinics.
GT: Only national news outlets? You’re telling me that the BBC and Al Jazeera don’t have anyone on the ground covering this minute-by-minute? Boy, it’s true what they say about the decline of the media..
GA: Really looking forward to a week of just a repeating static image of Gertie slumped on the couch, drooling on a pillow.
JP: It’s over.
the plot, I mean. It just wasn’t that interesting. so we’re calling time.
maybe we’ll try something with Randy instead?
anyhow, thx c u
-Franc
JP-Yay! We’re getting a new writer!
FC-“No I’m not happy. I’m never happy.”
MW-“Woof! Woof!” Translation: “We have to call our agent. This is not what we signed up for.”
Gil Thorp-Literarily fighting over spots. They are going to make the News Team Brawl in ‘Anchorman’ look like a walk in the park.
9CL – So Lolly or Polly, whichever this one is, has grown overnight to be a randy oversexed teenager.
Of course her first move was to find a hideous dweeb and then propose to him but agree to not get married for several years.
Said Hideous Dweeb has so far proved uninterested in mating, and at one point even expressed a weakness for vomiting when opportunities to mate present themself.
So instead of Amos and Edda humping on the piano it is now Lolly (or Polly?) humping on the piano while Alistair looks on, whorrified.
Poor “other twin” seems to not have found a thrall yet and to be delegated to play lucky Pierre at the three-way.
The bottom line is we now have two usually bikini clad teenaged nymphettes to explore with.
9CL – New theme today. “What part of me isn’t fucking this piano?”
Oh what a world, what a world!!!
Josh, you think University of Alabama rush is fascinatingly horrible on TikTok? You should live here, and suffer through everything Bammer 365 days a year.
GT – I dig Marty Moon’s new nick name – Him-Him-Who….
GA – Today’s GA is kind’a funny if you exchange “crap” for “nap”….
JP – Well, chock up another semester and the sophomore year for Sophie. The rigors of higher ed for the 1%….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
FC – It’s CAMP! It’s camp!? I’m gonna have to re-evaluate this whole strip now.
GT: Poor Marty. He knows he’s only being introduced so he can suffer some fresh humiliation. He can’t even enjoy the hubris before the fall anymore.
JP: I assume this is Glen letting Sophie know that Trey has been tried, convicted, sentenced to life, and conveniently killed in a cafeteria brawl within the span of a few short months. The arc of the universe that bends towards justice is not long in the Parkerverse, where the main characters are so blithely untouched by the world around them that Sophie can walk down the middle of a New York street in broad daylight while staring at her phone and not get hit by at least three cars, two moped drivers and a garbage truck.
JP — In the Parker/Driver-verse, Wordle only has four letters and someone texts it to you in the morning. . .
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Marty Moon has highly detailed knowledge about a very niche subject with little practical relevance but which provokes interests among like-minded weirdos. This is, unfortunately, relatable
love is... making butt selfies.
I just want to say I’m 100% with Gasoline Alley today. Naps are the best!
6Chx: David Bowie? John Lennon? Screamin’ Jay Hawkins?
Insanity Streak.and The Lockhorns: NSBG!
GT: National news outlets come to Milford for high school football???????
JP: thought I was the only one who would see “it’s over” as a kiss off. But wait Glen, Sophie would cry, we haven’t even kissed once yet. But Josh and all other Mudges thought the same.
CURTIS:. With the frequency Dad gives $20 to Curtis most times when asked, I can’t believe they’re this hard up. Both he and Curtis need financial mgmt class.
LUANN:. Are they distressed because Shannon will again be thrust into a chaotic environment or because there will now be a hole in their lives?
BETWEEN FRIENDS:. See yesterday’s comic. Answering the mirror honestly will take more than trifocals
FG:. Unconscious in shallow water? They’ve both drowned.
RwO:. And they make rat tail Combs for just this purpose!
TG:. “First wish, a pot of fresh coffee. For my secon…wait, where did the genie go?”
@Sequitur: EVILSCARY CLOWN aside, the gag in Lockhorns actually amused me.
Dustbin – Electricians hate it when you try this one weird old lamp!
C’shaft: Oh God, is Batiuk doing a school shooting arc next? He’s planning on a school shooting arc if this one doesn’t yield Pulitzer gold, isn’t he?
DT: As opposed to those new-fangled modern mummies they’re churning out in Taiwan now, I guess.
Dustin: Yeah, damn the clerk for preventing you from buying a wide variety of bulbs, the majority of which you won’t be able to use, for an obsolete lamp rather than investing in a new lamp that uses longer-lasting and energy-efficient LED bulbs, saving you money over time and probably also saving you burning your house down from your short-sighted cheapness. He never would have done it if he hadn’t been so young.
Luann: I normally think this strip is too hard on Jonah, but taking a job to train AI voiceover tech is definitely crossing a line. (Specifically, the SAG-AFTRA picket line in front of Activision.)
MT: I’m a sucker for feral kitten rescue videos, so I’ll take this over whatever Catalina caper Mark and Rusty are involved in right now.
MW: Man, and I thought golden retrievers were the ultimate “lights are on but nobody’s home” dog breed.
@Cleveland Mocks:
#35. CS:. There’s a chasm in a cavern between allowing a student to read whatever they can get their hands on and teaching a book in class. The former they’ll remember fondly, the mandated book they’ll hate.
@Old School Allie Cat: I didn’t go through rush. I was 21 when I started college and 22 by the time I got invited by a fraternity to visit, and that was because someone I knew was an alumnus of this fraternity and gave them my name. It was September, right before classes started, so I went to a rush event.
I joined because from their spiel I got the impression that if I were a member, I would get drunk a lot and laid a lot.
And I did get drunk a lot.
RMMD: of course Truck isn’t going to talk about it.
I haven’t had trigger finger but I did have a finger tendon separate. Spent six weeks in a wee little cast.
@taig:
#36. LUANN:. So THAT’S how babies are made! I’ll take mine off and burn it right now! (Sorry, not cool to mention typos but it was just sitting there). Anyway, I thought Josh was doing a shampoo commercial. He must have impressed someone to get this voice over gig that will put thousands out of work.
JP: That’s a pretty cold way to disown your adopted daughter, even for Abbey.
Six Chix – “It better not be another dead musician from the ’70s. Crushes should be on food items, as God intended.”
@Ukulele Ike: The Flying Burrito Brothers? John “Jelly Bean” Benitez?
@Activist: Haha! Maybe that is the problem (OK, no, I really think it’s Brad). I don’t do a great job of rereading my posts first thing in the morning.
But, yeah, Jonah was supposed to be doing a shampoo commercial. Maybe he voiced the CGI shampoo bottle and did a great job at that.
@64 Sequitur: Yeah, that Lockhorns is truly terrifying. Expecting a hot babe to pop out of a giant cake and then THAT does. It’s worse than if your future mother in law or high school principal did the popping. Epic wang shriveling going on at that party.
@69 TheDiva: on Dustin: It’s quite obvious the clerk hasn’t served Mr. Kudlick in the past. Had he, he would have sold Ed the highest power bulb to guarantee Casa de Dustin goes up in flames.
GT – There’s been a lot of speculation over the years as to Milford’s location. But given the presence of national media, I think we can narrow it down to Malta, Lichtenstein, Monaco or perhaps Vatican City.
Gil Thorp: Oh please let this be the start of a plot about Marty getting into a fistfight with paparazzi on-air.
Gasoline Alley: Oh, so the cat is called Mee-Meow because he says that like a Pokemon. I thought he was named for Walt’s attempts to say meow during a stroke.
Judge Parker: I’m sure this relates to the whole “drowned corpse” plot but I don’t care to look up how, so I’m just gonna assume this is Sophie getting dumped by said corpse.
@Cleveland Mocks:
The thing is that many people are….often the book-banners themselves, ironically enough (it’s common for a certain segment of the population to whine about “wokeness” and censorship….all enthusiastically banning or even destroying books and leaning on state-sanctioned support to do it. They are big on moral consistency, as you can see.)
Ok, I just got word that I defended a Funkyverse plot point (shudder). Ugh. Now I feel “dirtier” then if I had read one of those “porns” we were just talking about.
@cheech wizard: The VC Cardinals are famous for their miracles on the diamond!
@taig:
#76. Taig, foist on my own petard! You pointed out my typo do gently.
@taig:
Nah, he should stick it out a little while longer.
@taig:
I think taig and TheDiva are implying that Jonah got this voice acting gig not because of his unique voice talents, but because the production team spotted a naive idiot who’d take any job without asking any questions (at best, at worst, it’s that Jonah is an unethical opportunist scab).
(I, personally, don’t think the Evansi made Jonah’s new gig be voice acting because of the currently ongoing voice actor strike (assuming they are even aware of it), but because they needed an acting job that Jonah could credibly do from home)
Dustin: Interesting choice of floor lamp. It will stand about chest-high, so you’ll be blinded by the bare bulb every time you walk past it.
Luann: A home-based voiceover actor for shampoo commercials? Hell, they could hire a bald guy for that.
Ripley: I guess the takeaway today is that commuting Americans should find themselves jobs in Switzerland. I’d rather spend 408 days of my life tubing down the Rhine than sitting in a jammed highway.
MW: As Dr Ed, in the distance, feels a pang of guilt watching the rottweilers eat Stelle’s face, he is somewhat comforted in knowing he’ll finally be with Sheila forever
REX MORGAN M.D.: Um…can someone let Beatty know that he did the “old person hides and underplays their obvious malady” bit already? Twice! (Of course we met Truck when he was straight up letting his totally-not-COVID-we-swear-it-wink-wink illness flare up to KOFF-KOFF-KOFF intensity, so maybe ignoring potentially serious afflictions is his actual “schtick” instead of writing terrible roots-country ditties.)
JP: I don’t know why everyone seems to think Sophie’s text is from Greg or is about the recently-solved mystery of the month. Wouldn’t they want to put that story behind them and not invite further attention or scrutiny? Nothing to see here, folks, keep moving.
My first and only thought was that the text is from Neddy and the marriage to Declan is off! The relationship is “over”! He flatly refused to go along with a zoo-themed wedding extravaganza.
CS: Nice to see Cayla’s got her original color back.
DT: Wow! The frozen mummy of Robert Scott!
CS: Pro-tip from cartoonist Dan Davis: If you don’t know what a character looks like, and you don’t want to read old Funky Winkerbean strips to find out, just make the character look slightly similar in every panel and put a nameplate on her desk.
GA: I do not understand what is going on with Mee-Meow. The tiny silver lining of seeing Rufus has always been seeing occasional cats (not that ghastly TV chef cat, I mean cats belonging to Rufus) that were drawn in a reasonably-cute way. The cats also managed to look pretty much the same from panel to panel and from month to month, which put them way ahead of the GA humans.
So now there’s this new cat, Mee-Meow, who was cute at first but has recently been shape-shifting kinda like the humans and is now being drawn in a not-cute way, as if she is some feline version of *shudder* Boog. Whyyyy? Yes, I know, few Mudges follow GA and I should take that as a giant hint. Sorry, I do try not to whine very often.
LUANN: I already humiliated myself by committing the great indignity of defending something from the Funkyverse, I may as well keep at it, because somehow even their deranged world has a better grasp on the way the entertainment industry works than Luann does.
@Anonymous: Yeah, I wasn’t aware of that (I’ve been avoiding Deadpool and Wolverine spoilers, so I guess I inadvertently skipped over that news). Not that I have my hand on the pulse of such things, I’m still pretty sure the Evanses are even less aware.
Was James Darren in anyone’s dead pool? He was 88. RIP.
@Poteet:
@Baja Gaijin: Re Dustin: When I first read it, I thought “You could set your house on fire” was a suggestion.
How would that help? Hey, it’s the Kudlick household, it could only improve matters.
Little surprised Beetle Bailey didn’t get a mention. Sarge talks about sending equipment to Ukraine, which is a little surreal. I don’t want to think of Beetle and the other rejects out there fighting in actual wars lol
Judge Parker: In an attempt to curb the burgeoning rat population, New York City recently introduced recycling bins with specially shaped openings that allow them to take pizza-delivery boxes. Unfortunately, it seems as if hardly anyone is using them. But why should rodents take the trouble of gnawing through thick cardboard for a few bits of hardened cheese, when a virtual smorgasbord of delightful world-cuisine leftovers is available in garbage bags on every street corner? Just further proof that for those who aren’t worried about rent — whether you’re a college student, a wealthy finance bro, or vermin — NYC is a swell place to live!
9CL: So I happen to have an full-size electric piano at home, and from measuring the keyboard I deduce that Polly (or is it Lolly) is about four feet tall.
Family Circus: Dolly’s expression perfectly conveys “Did I f***ing ask?”
@Bob Tice: Soapy is getting ghosted by Yogi Berria’s ghost.
Gasoline Alley and Mary Worth are in a tight race to be the most boring soap comic ever.
Idk which was worse, two weeks of getting a cat to eat food or two weeks of Stell and Ed saying “I love you” lol
Six Chex And A Cat Named Mason Reese In Search Of A Punchline: “….no,it’s an old can of Deviled Ham from the 80’s. Jealous?” “Kinda,yeah.”
@Recyclops: Josh called it out on Bluesky as being too political for a blog that does its level best to not get into politics.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Wow, and just the other day I watched him in ‘Gidget Goes Hawaiian’.
Spooky…
@Recyclops:
#97. BB:. Actually, I was surprised how on point today’s strip was. We’re said to be sending money and arms to Ukraine specifically so we won’t need to send Beetle and his buds. We were told Ukrainians could defend themselves as long as we supplied money and weapons.
Today I read Russians bombed a training center there.
@Voshkod:
#104 BB. Agreed. Strip about actual war too political.
Glad Sid managed to place Rolland and Rotty, and got “Mary’s Worst” to showcase their simultaneous bark trick!
@Activist: Beetle and his buds
________
I see what you did there! Wasn’t “Beetle And His Buds” the strip’s name when it debuted in the 40’s and featured Beetle’s college days?
@Garrison Skunk: “Beetle and His Buds” was the ’70s spinoff distributed exclusively to head shop newsletters.
BB: Beetle just straight-up says he did not join the army to get involved in wars. I mean, we all knew that, but still. And combining it with a topical reference to an actual war is … definitely a choice.
DT: TFW you’re halfway through writing a comic strip and you suddenly wonder if you should have actually read that online article you noticed about “Secrets of the Ice Mummies” but decide it’s probably fine.
Phantom: Day three of “this robo-panther is a thing that exists”. The plot congeals.
Pluggers: Pluggers got their glasses in 1992 and haven’t taken an eye test since, because they have glasses now.
S4th: Um … so yesterday I commented that Bettina seemed to suddenly be the same age as Hil. She clearly isn’t here, so I looked back at yesterday’s strip and, um, I kind of missed that Jackie was on her knees to pack boxes, and then based Bettina’s apparent height on that. Oops.
RMMD: “What in the world? Why’d you smash that cup?”
And now you’re just gonna slink off and leave the mess for me or someone else to clean up? What is wrong with you? I know you’ve been depressed about not coming up with another hit song … but that’s just an ego thing. You sure aren’t worried about not being able to pay your way! But did you deliberately smash the cup? Or did you drop it? Either way, I don’t like what I’m seeing here…
This is how it starts – I remember how it was with Grampa and my own Pop.. the unexplained fits of anger, loss of motor control, the anxiety over knowing something’s wrong, the withdrawal and refusing to talk about things. Yep, it’s gotta be dementia. I guess that free-wheeling life of drinking and poor dietary choices has caught up with him. So what am I going to do here? Even if I had thought lately about asking him to move out… I really can’t now. He needs someone to take care of him.
What to do, what to do? Maybe I need to say something to Buck … no, like he’s gonna admit a client is losing it. Hard to put a good spin on that. Could Dr. Morgan be of any help? HA! I can give Truck smelling salts myself… I wonder if I need to contact Fergus about this… they have been collaborating on some projects. It would be nice to talk to him… to hear his voice…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the soft, sympathetic voice of one of her employees. “You just go sit down, hon. I’ll clean up the old fart’s mess.”
@Horace Broon:
#111. PHANTOM:. Remember a few days ago a black dog/wolf flying from the transformer like a bat out of hell? Now we understand Mullosk’s machine had captured, probed, and rebuilt itself to look like a beloved pet. Ahh, what we knew all along, our enemies just want a “Good boy” and a pat on the head.
@jroggs: – Did Sophie actually like Lucas as a person at all? Why did she treat him so horribly?
– Seriously, what the hell was going on with Lucas in every single regard?
I’m pretty sure that what Ces thinks was going on with Lucas was that Sophie did like him as a person, but he wanted her to like him as a boyfriend, and wouldn’t accept that this wasn’t happening, and her treatment of him was a reaction to this. The problem, of course, is that Ces not only didn’t show this, he barely told it.
As far as I recall, the primary pieces of evidence are a) Reena saying that this is obviously the only reason a boy would invite a girl to a party in the Hamptons and the invitation is therefore incredibly sketchy, but they should go anyway because party in the Hamptons and b) Lucas getting uncomfortable when Glenn says something like “this is the girl you’ve been talking about”, during the three strips when we’re being told Glenn is being an absolute jerk to Lucas, before Ces decided that that wasn’t his personality after all. Neither of those strike me as reliable sources.
Which, honestly, is probably for the best. If Ces had actually tried to tell that story, instead of derailing it with a corpse, I dread to think what he’d have done with it.
@Activist:
#113. PHANTOM. It was the Aug. 31 comic that a canine jumped from the transformer. Looking back, it apparently wasn’t a dog but this robo-rottwiler. Will someone with a phone please call Dr. Ed to put it out of it’s misery.
@Cartoon Moon Pedant: As the owner of a Baldwin M 40 baby grand piano, I concur. Of course, all the characters in 9CL are financed by Seth’s oil-rich Daddy from Texas, and he probably bought them all full-sized Bosendorfers, with 101 keys instead of the standard 88, so she is possibly nine feet tall.
@Guillermo el chiclero: As a huge Robert Falcon Scott buff, I heartily approve of the idea of digging his 112-year-old corpse out of the Antarctic ice, slamming it into an Egyptian mummy case, and transporting it to either the Bristish Museum or the corporate headquarters of a millionaire profiteer like Diet Smith or Daddy Warbucks. Birdie and the Doctor can stay in the cooler, as they were only subsidiary characters. As for Captain Oates, he has just gone outside and may be some time.
@Peanut Gallery: I just wish they would leaf Jeremy alone.
BB: since when has this strip been even remotely topical?
@TheDiva, Luann: I broke down and had to check out the strip (this would have been a great way for the Evansii to make Jonan irredeemably EVUH, even as a successful actor),…..
Voice Actor from Home? Did they miss the Pandemic? Next thing, people who telecommute are lazy moneymakers, not like firefighters and food services, who are at their jobs IN PERSON!
(Oh, if the Evansii want to piss on voice actors in the same manner as cheerleaders, it’s just not going to work.)
RMMD:
‘Scuse me while I dis this pie.
— Truck Tyler, channeling James Marshall Hendrix and derogating Wanda’s dessert offering
Last week’s Luann: Oh, if Shannon had only hurt Barry Wilkins, and Toni and Brad would have encountered Diane….
RMMD: “Why did you smash that cup?!” “OPA! And YEEHAW!”
Nancy: Aw, she was just kidding yesterday about killing off Sluggo (my entry in the Dead Pool).
That’s okay; I really don’t have anything against Sluggo.
Why didn’t Gertie try to interest the cat in scrapbooking?
Who knew he is about to become an aspiring writer.
Phantom: Do robodogs sniff the butts of other robodogs to determine who their friends are?
Gasoline Alley has the energy of something written and drawn by and for the same three people in the nursing home.
Curtis: Well, there go Daddy Greg’s dreams of a trip to one of the upstate Indian casinos to procure a lifetime supply of cigarettes.
GT: That’s the most imposing intro Marty Moon has ever gotten. So why are you talking to Burt Reynolds with a Fu Manchu?
JP: This strip made me look up a BBC news story with the header “Brat summer officially over, declares Charli XCX.” Sophie’s Brat summer saw her discovering a waterlogged corpse and being batted between two really boring Hamptons brothers, so it’s not too surprising she’s glad to see the back of it.
@Garrison Skunk: SHHHHH! Tain’t funny, McGee! Let’s not forget that even the BEAR in GA was interested in scrapbooking, and some of us, meaning me, do not want any kind of repeat!
Now we’ll see how much damage a cat can do during someone else’s nap. It’ll be worse than the recent storm damage, that’s for sure.
Dolly: “Oh, yeah?” Rips the shirt off Jeffy. “How’s it fit now?”
@Guillermo el chiclero: Ahhhh, Greg is just going to buy $5,000 worth of cigarettes at Philadelphia* prices. He doesn’t have the imagination to go to a casino, or a cheaper state like Maine** or tobacco country.
*have we ever determined where Curtis lives? Seems like east coast, but does not have a NY vibe. I’m thinkin’ Philly or Baltimore.
**I smoke rollups, because of the insane tobacco tax in NY. But when I get to summer on the coast of Maine, I occasionally treat myself to a pack of Camel straights.
Phantom A robodog? I’m not sure how well that would work in 1/6 gravity. I’m just going to start assuming that Avarice 1 was never headed to the moon to begin with, and the rocket deliberately landed (not crashed) in the Woods.
9CL: Really Alistair’s last line here should be, “What? I can’t hear you over the horrible cacophony of piano keys that somehow makes the perfect soundtrack for 9 Chickweed Lane.”
C-Shaft: Cayla is still asking the big questions—with “big” defined as “giving Les even Moore reason to feel important”—I see.
DT: This reminds me of the time I tried to give a jewelry store the gift of one of their old diamond bracelets. Strangely they weren’t all that grateful.
Dustin: As someone who likes the effect that halogen bulbs have I’m left wondering if having something in common with Ed Kudlick is better or worse than finding out you’re a Plugger.
Lockhorns: Not recommended for Baja Gaijin, but pretty funny nonetheless.
MW: So apparently the convention went off without any incident to speak of. But the good news is that Estelle is transporting these two Rottweilers to Dr. Sheila’s practice, which means there’s at least an off chance of Wilbur getting mauled.
6C: I was a kid in the 70s and for the life of me I can’t think of any musicians who looked like 6ft. deli sandwiches.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
#133. PHANTOM:. Al, good point if dog was designed prior to takeoff and not just a creation of the transformer. It then would have to work on both moon and earth.
Let’s try to agree on names:
Mollusk’s spaceship to moon is Avarice
Machine emerging from Avarice is Transformer (though author often also calls it Avarice)
Robodog jumping from Transformer I propose we name Rover. As in, “Fetch, Rover”
Would this help avoid confusion?
@Ukulele Ike: #132: I believe it was once mentioned that the Wilkins live in Harlem but then I’ve also heard DC. They did attend the Obama inauguration where precious Barry got lost in the crowd and met the Obama’s.
I used to smoke Pall Mall non-filter kings but quit once the prices got ridiculous. Whenever I do feel like breaking training I’ll roll my own. Maybe I should just start growing tobacco in my back yard. The Feds allow people to grow a small amount for personal use without paying the Federal tax.
Fun fact: Despite being one of the stronger cigarette brands Pall Mall was originally marketed in the 1930s as a fem brand, like Virginia Slims. So was Marlboro until they went wild West. I guess women were tougher back then.
@Jeffmcm: Speaking of Gasoline Alley and “nursing home”, I can only think that the Tribune Content Agency has done a demographic study of their readers, leading to the largest font of any current legacy comic.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: If Robodog is calibrated for Moon life, it would be draggin’ ass on earth. Devil and Phantom should be able to take it down without breaking a sweat.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Elton John always looked to me like a thick braunschweiger on rye, with stupid glasses on and a half-sour pickle on the side.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Kurt Vonnegut was a lifetime Pall Mall addict, and lived until 84 to great acclaim and universal love. Take the wallet hit and start smoking them again!
@Ukulele Ike: Maybe I need to watch more old Elton John concert footage when I’m hungry.
I just caught up with four days of comics and comments.
@Baja Gaijin #129 Sunday – I apologize for being two days late in thanking you, but I loved the “Convenience Fish.” It didn’t have a sliced olive eye, but the pimento eye with yellow eyelash more than made up for it. There should be enough juice in all those lemons to kill the taste of the salmon mousse.
@TheDiva: Re Mary Worth – I thought that was the Irish Setter. We had one, and I can confirm that the Far Side was accurate.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I loved The Time Tunnel.
@I speak Jive: I adored The Time Tunnel when I was eight, it was where I first learned about the Titanic. And Tony was the YOUNG one (sobs).
@Ukulele Ike: I can remember James Darren’s recording career, too – I remember his songs Her Royal Majesty and Goodbye, Cruel World.
@MKay: My God. I had no idea. My God.
GT:
Marty Moon, the biggest fish in the smallest pond.
inutes agoDetails
The Familiar Mucus: P.J. rejected the shirt because it was supposed to say, I’M A CRAPPY HAMPSTER.
PBS: No, Rat, it’s not a test to see if a person is old. It’s a test to see if a person knew and cared about Kurt Cobain. I had no idea who he was when he died and didn’t find out until years later. Back when he died, I was very sad about the emerald ash borer, but that’s not a test of oldness either.
inutes agoDetails
I’M A CRAPPY HAMPSTER.
IM A CRAPPY HAMPSTER
——————————–
Jeff isn’t going to rerun the whole “P.J. Organizes The Preschool Big Wheel Gang The Crappy Hampsters” storyline, is he? That would be too interesting I guess.
@147 Garrison Skunk:
Did you happen to look at @125 Sequitur: ?
A limited edition hamburger in Japan.
@Baja Gaijin: IMO, it can stay there.
@150 taig: What, are you afraid the mayo would attract Wilbur Weston?
@Baja Gaijin: Of course! Wilbur needs to stay in Santa Royale, and I don’t want him to have an excuse to leave.
“There are so many awesome books that are on this ‘not approved’ list. I vendoed so many of these to read on solo car dates. And now they’ve come out with a list of binned books!”
“I think you mean BANNED books.”
“No, binned. It’s a list of books so upsetting, shocking, and poorly written that they’ve been deemed destined for the trash BIN. See? ´Fifty Shades of Grey’; ‘In Trump We Trust’; First Step 2 Forever’; and ´Lisa’s Story.´ Omg, and ‘Lisa’s Story: My Time Living on Green Acres’! No WAY! That book is awesome! Man, I feel like suing these people back to a ball of dirt!”
@152 taig: I see. Were the burger to stay in Japan, it may lure Wilbur to Miyagi Prefecture instead of taigville.
@Baja Gaijin: And he might finally have that fatal misadventure on a boat.
Gil Thorp:
Who’s the cat that won’t cop out
When Milford’s losing all about
(Moon!)
Right on!
@Lord Flatulence:
You see this cat Moon gets all the…
(Shut your mouth)
I’m talkin’ ’bout Moon
(Then we can dig it)
One self-involved workaholic vet plus one insecure and jealous vet’s assistant equals a wedding day celebration that trades Italian wedding soup, an open bar, and a three-tiered cake into menudo, a liquid therapy session that will make Foster Brooks and Truman Capote seem like co-chairs of the Temperance Union, and god forbid….folding tables loaded with MUFFINS.
@Poteet: #146#. I remember watching the very first episode of Time Tunnel when it premiered. It was the Titanic one. Even as an eleven year old I knew that before we got a shot of the life preserver it would be the Titanic or the Lusitania.
@I speak Jive: #140: Did you notice that wherever Tony and the other guy ended up it had to be someplace that the studio had stock footage from an earlier film?
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Says the poster named for a vocal expression.
You prefer the strong, silent type?
update on my comment @33: my cat is eating some of the new food he got from the vet and I am very happy about it.
Questionable Content: I have a big crush on Roko, and do not wish to see her hurled across the city. Nonetheless, I was amused by today’s strip.
Curtis: You know would be funny. The Wilkins go on a spending spree based on that $5,000 check only to have it bounce leaving them up to their armpits in hock. Of course, it will all be Curtis’s fault.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I have a feeling Curtis is going to trade it in at the neighborhood taqueria for the “Five Thousand Tacos for Five Thousand Dollars” special. Free salsa!
Next week, the electricity goes dead in the Wilkins apartment.
@Baja Gaijin: Depending on the sugar content of the teriyaki, that actually looks pretty tasty to me.
@165 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: The sauce won’t be very sweet. Sweet comes from the pear slices.
@Ukulele Ike: The mother of my sister’s high school bestie was a tough Scotswoman who smoked her beloved Pall Malls past 90.
@Baja Gaijin: I would try that, but I don’t know how I’d bite into it unless I could open my mouth wide enough to match what we viewers saw of the first Earth dental appointment of Beldar Conehead.