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It’s Friday, y’all, and you’ve earned your reward: This sweet, sweet COTW.

“Sure, Mary may be getting a pet. But me? I’m off to get a PET. The doctors are determined to find out why my brain makes read this drivel.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

Your runners up are also funny and delightful!

“I’ll accept that they gave no lines to Dustin’s Dad as a belated Valentine.” –nescio

“I’m kind of charmed by the parallel universe Dustin lives in. It’s the present day, but it’s also a perpetual 2008 where there’s no jobs, a perpetual 1960 where people wear kicky ascot scarves, a perpetual 1920 where the funnies are the height of pop culture, and a perpetual 1880 where people dress up formally to read the newspaper.” –Schroduck

“Mother Goose didn’t give Ariel anything to sit on. No wonder Atilla’s confused, that girl’s just flopping around on the floor! That’s gotta trigger some predatory instincts in a sapient feline.” –Victor Von

“How long does that awkward pause in the second panel last? I’ll say, 20 minutes.” –Joe Blevins

“In a field … somewhere? Or maybe it’s not somewhere. Maybe it’s nowhere. Maybe this whole comic strip thing is but a dream — your dream, a creature of your imagination. But I, your poor narration box, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!” –Peanut Gallery

“Stroll on the boardwalk, long walk off a short pier, whatever will end this God-awful conversation.” –Hibbleton

“The most disappointing thing to emerge from modern comics is ‘CODE-FIVE-O’ not meaning, ‘I’ve spotted a man with magnificent hair reminiscent of Jack Lord’s!’ If you’re going to write in a medium that mostly appeals to Boomers, THEN APPEAL TO BOOMERS!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“This is where Herb and Jamaal’s famous nonspecificity stings. I want a detailed catalogue of Herb’s many crimes!” –matt w

“I didn’t expect Hagar to be complicit in the Triangle Trade, but honestly I can’t say I’m surprised.” –TheDiva

“Sorry, Herb, but dunking a teabag in hot water really is the least you can do for your mother-in-law. If you want karmic rewards, how about sticking a book or TV set in the sad corner where she sits all day, or at least finding her a better hairstylist.” –BigTed

“I’ll tell you what IS brutal! The warden’s time at the tanning salon, am I right? Unless this prison is actually building staff out of hot dogs, which would be … huh. Adjectives defy me, here.” –A Grave Mind

“The sign is clearly visible. This greatly reduces Rusty’s parents’ chances of winning that lawsuit when he falls off a cliff/is eaten by a bear/gets near-fatal poison oak.” –MKay

“A pet, Jeff? Really? Mary already has pets, dozens of them — and they live in a Habitrail named Charterstone. Here they scurry, there they scamper, nibbling at their Mary-provided muffins and providing her with hours of daily entertainment as she watches them run on their busy little wheels, or flop in their cute little dust baths, or, in Wilbur’s case, probably get their leg stuck in the water bottle somehow and try to gnaw his way through it.” –els

“I love how careful we are to protect Bogdan’s reputation. He’s not the snitch. Someone who overheard them was the snitch. Will April let Randy keep Bogdan if he asks really nicely and promises to walk him every day?” –richardf8

“‘Deputy Chang, how’s the leg?’ ‘Whose leg?’” –Bob Tice

“‘Why is this happening?’ is a question that really should be asked in the middle of every Gil Thorp strip, even if the answer just demands more questions.” –pugfuggly

“Dot wants to be the FIRST female president specifically, which obviously means that she wants every other woman in the country to fail at becoming president until her term so she can get all the praise. Ergo, Dot is a misogynist and this is a callout post. #DotIsCancelled” –ectojazzmage

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — while showing off a woman’s ass — forever.” –Ettorre

“Give Ox a break — not having any hair, his experience with hair dryers is limited.” –Pozzo

“It’s gotta be hard knowing friend from foe when you all wear the same khaki colored uniform. Maybe Jungle Patrol recognize each other through their ‘THRACK’ sounding kicks, which is different from whatever sounds their foe makes.” –Philip

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The Phantom, 2/20/26

Many years ago, the Jungle Patrol was all-male, until early 2008 when it got gender-integrated by a plucky lady cop/waitress duo. How’s that working out? Well, this young female officer is busy kicking a would-be warlord in the face, so that’s good, and the Patrol’s Unknown Commander is just kind of sitting there watching with a little smile on his face, which is a little unsettling. Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who’s the product of a 22-generation eugenic breeding program and who lives in Africa and wears a skintight spandex suit constantly?

Luann, 2/20/26

Speaking of sexual bits that newspaper comics have been doing since George W. Bush was president, Luann is doing a tale of ribaldry about Tiffany and Ox (he’s a new-ish character and his thing is he’s a gentle giant, don’t worry about it) washing Ox’s rescue puppy and getting deliciously wet in the process and I can’t believe I just typed that, gross. Anyway, I’m mostly posting this because I think the panel where Ox is sticking the hair dryer up his shirt is pretty funny. It’s just a weird angle! He’s warming his belly button specifically! Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who is a character in Luann, a realm beyond the sexuality event horizon where horniness is distorted by extreme levels of gravity into formations that scientists can’t even begin to describe?

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Gil Thorp, 2/19/26

Oh, it turns out that Keri Thorp was one of the kids who vandalized Goshen and now they’re in jail and Gil is pissed … at the cops, who used to have a strict “no arresting teens for a little tit-for-tat spray-painting” rule, or maybe just a little “no arresting Thorps for any reason” rule, but now Coach Gerads (first name: “Mitchell,” I think this is a new addition to the lore) is insisting that the local PD “enforce the law” or whatever. Next thing you know they’ll make their deputies wear actual uniforms rather than kicky star-festooned shirts, no matter how mildly injured their legs are!

Mary Worth, 2/19/26

You’re excited that, after literal years of “pets are good” storylines in Mary Worth, Mary herself is finally going to get a pet for real this time. I’m retreating to my mind palace to imagine the moment when Dr. Jeff’s son Drew came back from the golf course with his buddy and his buddy’s cat. “Oh no!” thinks Jeff. “How can I be polite to my son’s friend but still maintain my comfort in my own home?” But then he finds out the cat is a hypoallergenic Balinese, and he realizes he’s not having any kind of allergic reaction to it, and a smile crosses his face. We are not the same.

Hi and Lois, 2/19/26

There is a sexist double standard for women in public life — politics, corporate leadership, what have you — where if they’re too nice they’re a wimp who doesn’t belong in power and if they’re not nice enough they’re a ballbuster. The shorthand for this is “likeability,” and it’s a genuinely fraught issue that puts ambitious women in a spot where they just can’t win. Dot actually is unlikeable, though, as I think this strip pretty conclusively demonstrates.