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Mark Trail, 7/20/15

Mark works out his resentment of his editor’s new office by abusing his expense account.

Apartment 3-G, 7/20/15

“I mean I’m going to garrotte her in an alley, dissolve her flesh in lye, crush her bones to powder, and dump the slurry in a river. Honestly, mother, sometimes it’s like you don’t know me at all!”

Slylock Fox, 7/20/15 (solution inverted)

Psst, Shady … tell Slylock you cooled them in the stream. Then offer him one, and invite him to sit down and cool his feet. You know how things work around there.

9 Chickweed Lane, 7/20/15

9 Chickweed Lane parodies the eponymous rabbit from Harvey, on the theory that the strip needs a character even more irritating than the regular cast.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Crock, (panels) 7/19/15

Say there, Crock Narration Box, I believe this is your very first appearance — congratulations, and welcome to the comics page! I hope you won’t mind a little constructive criticism from a long-time fan of Narration-Box classics like Phantom (“In the Bandar tongue!”), Apartment 3-G (“On the street, at the Tribeca Grill or maybe in their apartment …”) and — the Shakespeare of Narration Boxes — Amazing Spider-Man (Irony, anyone?“):

• First, credit where credit is due! The Lost Patrol’s gimmick is that they’re, well, lost, so good job maintaining the “fruitless search” narrative.
• You’re new here, but it’s “Narration Box,” OK? The panel frame doesn’t count — put a border around yourself, for decency’s sake.
• Finally show a little sympathy for your characters — when the joke is about them tripping over camel dung, “hot” and “steaming” are just twisting the knife.

Edge City, 7/19/15

Like Hi Flagston, Greg Wilkins, Frank DeGroot, and other stuck-in-time comics Dads, Len Ardin poses as a Gen-Xer, but his choice of music outs him as a Boomer. His music and, of course, his grotesquely swollen prostate.

Crankshaft, 7/19/15

Descending into madness, billionaire Howard Hughes grew obsessed with the spy drama Ice Station Zebra, watching it over and over. Here, Rose obsessively watches two Irish guys slug it out in a coal mine, scouring every scene for hidden clues that will help her make sense of her petty, vicious, empty life. She’s thaaaaat close to insight, she just knows it — but the answers just slip away every time. Of course it upsets her stomach — have a little compassion for the crazy old bat, you jerk. And take that damn hat off in the house.

Hi, everybody! I’m filling in until the 28th while Josh visits family and friends back East. Reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if the site gives you any trouble. Enjoy!

— Uncle Lumpy

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6 Chix, 4/28/15

Wait, what’s the difference between the “professional” and the mom here? They look the same! Shouldn’t the rejected mom be the sad one? Or is that the mom way over on the end of the branch? Maybe the mom is the happy drunk, and the sad one at the end of the branch is an editor? Maybe these guys wandered in from Shoe, and they’re all sad, drunk editors? I bet that’s it.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/15

Oh look, it’s fake psychic Diane, here played by beloved roommate figure Tommie Thompson. Gabby — Gabriella — is Margo’s birthmom and a sometime fake psychic herself, all dressed up to receive her surprise midnight visitor. In panel two, she speaks for us all.

And I know I speak for us all when I say, “WILL YOU PEOPLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STAND STILL?!!”

Crock, 4/28/15

The long-awaited Crock/Pluggers crossover. You thirsty, Andy Bear? Just wait.

Faithful readers! I’m outta here — Josh returns tomorrow, rested, refreshed, and ready. Thanks for a fun week-and-some; see you next time!

— Uncle Lumpy